To everyone who replied to this thread - I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOUR ANSWERS AND COMFORT AND THE HOPE THAT YOU HAVE ALL GIVEN ME
.They have given me what I needed and when I needed it the most.
My brother who I've taught to take his first steps , was his first ever playmate and the only soul with whom I once talked about anything and everything left me....The day he died we talked over phone where he was talking to me cheerfully and later the same day a friend of him calls me to tell he died. He is no more.??.. How hard is this ? Not even imaginable. As time is moving forward I've been learning to control my grief and beginning to get some signs. Fast forward a month after his death this is what has been happening-
A morning I wake up and a song begins to play in my head - This song was a silly one composed by us both when we were about 11 and 7 years old respectively. We would laugh and sing and dance to this self composed song when we were kids and no one else in my family knew about this. So, when this song played in my head I got upset at myself and my mind for bringing it up. The day next I had a dream -
I see myself at home, grieving his death, depressed and analysing things . I can see him outside the house but I don't reach out to him because I know he is dead. But he was there ..in his usual self ..however busy in something that looked like a mass rally . He went up a road with lots of boys and girls of his age group chattering and laughing all the way .They were busy doing things like testing out (?) some coloured holes in a mass of land that looked like a cave of some sort. I don't remember the rest. Then the scene changes and I see him in the kitchen of our home with mom and I and even though I was happy to see him I confronted him a lot ..about his death and his carelessness .I couldn't remember much of his explanations but he said something like He could have done something different that day that could've prevented his death.
I wake up from this dream at 3 am and I cried out his name because deep down I felt this just wasn't a dream. I try my best to play the dream over and over in my head so that I could remember it in the morning. Soon it was 8 am the day next and right after opening my eyes I take out my notepad to write about the dream I had..by that time I've lost some parts of the dream...I close my eyes trying to remember the dream then suddenly, a song began to play in my head out of nowhere This is an old Indian song named "Phoolon ka Taaron ka" The song roughly translates into English like so-
The flowers and stars say
My sister is one in a thousand
We should be together till the end of time
The world doess'nt know why you are sad
In your lovely eyes there is a thirst for love
Come to me and tell me what you want
My sister is one in a million
From the time you disappeared from my sight
From that time all my life's dreams got shattered
There is no sleep in the eyes and there is no peace in my heart.
Look , we are both petals of one flower
I've not forgotten you ..you cannot forget me too
Come , tell me whatever you want to say
My sister is one in a million
I cried and I cried because I knew..that it was no other than him.
is a very old Bollywood song ..a song I long forgot about..never thought of it or hummed a day. I immediately realised it was little brother who sent that song to me in my mind. So, he has been trying to get into my thoughts. I realised he tried to communicate me the day before too with that song we composed together. I thanked him for the signs and said a little prayer for him.
Since that day till today not a single sleep has passed without me dreaming him. I am happy to know he is alright and that he will always be there for me. To anyone who has been trying to reach out to their loved one- they are there , looking over you and they still love you like they did. Never lose hope.
Last edited by Nerina : 18-12-2017 at 03:31 PM.