Am I being punished?
First of all, I hope I posted this in the right section. Because it's mainly about death and the afterlife but it also involves some stuff regarding past lives and my health at the moment.
Okay so when I was 15, I had this heart disease which could've easily killed me but it didn't. And it took me about 2-3 years to overcome this. But now I'm 23 years old and I'm really ill again. Like I'm in so much pain every single day and this has been going on for a month now. This disease seems to target my muscles and nerves all over my body. The doctors thought of multiple sclerosis but all of my scans and tests were fine. So basically they have no clue what's going on. And it made me wonder, am I somehow being punished? Maybe for being bad in a past life? Maybe this is karma?
I've heard people say that overcoming illnesses makes you stronger and all that. But I don't see how? I had a good life before this. I mean I had friends, I went to uni, did my homework. And now I was forced to cancel all of my upcoming exams, I can't even go out anymore. The only thing I do is sleep as much as I possible can so I don't have to deal with the pain. I feel so desperate that I even prayed to God and asked for advice from any of my spirit guides. I'm a lucid dreamer, so it's easy for me to remember my dreams. But so far, none of my dreams were about my illness. So it looks like I'm not getting any signs.
Or could this illness be a spiritual sign to let me know that it's my time to go and to end it all? I know I can hold on for a few more days or maybe a few weeks but not months or even the rest of my life. The pain just seems to get worse as days go by. :(
I just want some answers as to why this is happening to me. Because I know a lot of you guys know much more than me when it comes to life and the afterlife.