[razzer]

Originally Posted by gotspirits

Hi, I am brand new to this forum and when I read others responses; I feel very calm and at peace. Thank you, kind people. I want to please share with you, my story. What I write is a true personal experience that has affected my entire mental outlook thus far and has lingered with me for 18 years.

In the fall of 1998, 4 months after finishing my first college degree, I was helping my parents run a business they inherited from my grandfather. My dad was split from my mom because of the business, so I agreed to come help the business so my dad could go home to mom.

During Thanksgiving week of 1998, I flew home with my dad to my family in California. I got a bad cold on the airplane. I went to store and bought Robitussin Gel Caps for the cold. I took two of them during the day and while sitting at the table with family, my heart started to beat out of control. My pulse was in the 160's-170's and my blood pressure went up to over 200+ / 110.

I felt as if the adrenaline in my body was broken and flowing 10x what it should. I was literally scared out of my mind. I could not sit still. I yelled to my parents to take me to the hospital right away. Once in the hospital, I could not sit still. I was pacing as my heart raced. It was the most miserable scary feeling I had ever had.

The doctor recognized that I had a reaction to the pseudoephedrine in the cold medicine. From that point on, my life was never, ever the same.

All I could think about was death. Prior to this, I was a healthy, fun, wonderful young man. I had so many dreams. I was accomplishing so much. But, after this experience, my life turned upside down.

I could not get the thought of death from my mind. I was so scared and I started to have massive panic attacks. I was having panic attacks during my sleep! I went to numerous doctors and they all said I was healthy and fine.

I even went to the doctor at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio and he did a full work-up. He told me to go out and run a marathon.

However, even though physically I was strong, mentally, my mind constantly, 24/7 thought about my own death. This evil cycle continued up to this point in my life.

I am now 40. I am medicated and doing better, but, I yearn for non-death thoughts. I can't get the thought of death out of my mind. Yes, I have done much therapy as well to try to combat these thoughts.

Am I cursed? I often ask myself... Am I crazy, I ask myself? Or, am I just scared like PTSD from that experience?

In any case, I have gone on to earn two Master Degrees. I am embarrassed to talk to people I know face to face about the experiences I have. I have also developed a pretty debilitating social phobia of people because of this.

I am kindly asking for anyone that has knowledge of death and or maybe has the ability to Astro project or whatever it is that you do; to please try to help me. Maybe I have a negative parasite that has attached itself to me during my time of vulnerability?

I have no idea. I just want to have my confidence back and to be able to go through life not worrying and thinking about my own demise. Any helpful advice, thoughts, etc are much welcomed. Please, no mean or judgemental comments. Thanks kind people!

wow I recently had a similar experience , I took some Dayquill and something in it caused a reaction with nervousness and I almost passed out at work. this was just a couple weeks ago , and since I have had much anxiety. also the fear of death has been in the back of my mind for a long time. I am now on Lexapro (SSRI) inhibitor and clonazepam(klonopin). it is helping much and I have been meditating. the way I figure it now is at worst there is nothing after death , so you will not miss anything , nor fear anything . I think roger ebert or someone said before they died , "if there is nothing else , I was just fine before I was born and had no issues , so I should be just fine after death and have no isssues" or something like that. if there is afterlife , then it is an entirely different thing. obviously. but in meditation there is a part of you that is an entirely a peaceful state but takes practice to reach. the more you can focus on your love and light and quiet your mind it helps. it is as though inside you somewhere it already knows what you need and you have to let it happen , if you try to direct it , you often can get in the way. you just have to trust. some say that you should accept death as a part of life. once you accept it you can then release it and let it go , and begin healing.