[RedBasket]

I'm happy to report some relief in my personal journey. It is a realization I made months ago, when I thought he had reconciled with his wife, and now I'm making it again, now that I'm pretty sure he is getting a divorce too.

I need to let go of any expectations for reunion with him and for growth/development of his ego self. But I can accept that somehow our souls still love each other and are in contact with each other, and I still believe that this spirit union will continue to shape and inspire me in a way I can't understand with my mind.

This time the realization came when I asked my soul (or spirit guide, not sure) to talk to his soul to find out what is going on. I started automatic writing his response (never done anything like this) on my computer. Feel like I got the details he wouldn't give to me through his silence in our real life encounters.

At first it was loving, supportive words from his soul talking, then the message became bitter, with the tone of a "jerk," and I knew it was his ego talking. (Note-he has never been a jerk to me in real life, but has gone silent or been immature). The words that came to me were a long diatribe filled with anger and sarcasm. His ego self told me not to wait, he isn't changing, typical runner talk, but this time his soul helped me to understand the truth and power of his ego, that his ego doesn't want reassurance from me, and that his ego wants to live his own life without me, and it wants me to let go - both for his sake and mine.

This helps release the longing for union I have with his physical self. I'm ok with this - at least today. My soul still loves his soul (a connection his ego self resents and wants my soul to "stop talking to" his soul, even though he says he doesn't believe in any of that) but the force of the ego is very strong in him, and it is not useful for either of our journeys for me continue loving him in the way I have been because I've been ignoring the fact that the manner in which the love for him has flowed through me has been detrimental to me. Plus, he wants none of it.

Amazingly, there is no sadness as I write this and I don't feel rejected.