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Originally Posted by Randahl
And from the outside it can probably look like that is what I'm doing again now to "Hippiegirl" (lol, feels weird to call her that. I have many nicknames for her, but hippiegirl isn't one of them). And that was obviously a source of distrust and paranoia in the beginning. But we've managed to deal with it cause a) she approached me, b) I've been completely open about that I'm a P from the start (she had already read my numerous posts about it). c) I will continuously, I still am, giving her an environment where I allow her to as suspicious or paranoid as she has to without me becoming defensive or upset. That's all I can do, just be solid and stable over time. I let her have acces to everything and will answer anything truthfully. Trust isn't just something to be earned, but also maintained. Besides, I couldn't lie to her, she just knows what I feel/think anyway. It's actually a relief for me; there's never a thought of lying cause I know it wouldn't be possible and I want to be loved for what I am, not just a selected facade I choose to show. Lying to her would ruin everything for me even if it was never found out.
Our situation is probably extremely rare tho. I would not recommend going into a relationship with a P in hopes of changing them or being able to connect with them. That's going to be a disaster! Had she been anyone else I would've been treating her just like previous partners, idealizing->devalue-->discard. Well, I wouldn't even have bothered with her in the first place cause she's geographically too far away to be worth going after if it was just for carnal/narcissistic/monetary reasons.
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Randhal, would it be accurate to call you an ex P, do you know Sam Vaknin and can relate to himin a way ? Were you interested in spirituality, past lives... before you met Hippiegirl ? I'm interested to know why you did "idealizing->devalue-->discard" to you former girlfriend, what was your motivation, and what was your internal world.
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Originally Posted by Randahl
It's not impossible to have a relationship with a P even if you're not TFs, but extremely difficult. You would need a mindset that accepts and tolerate that whatever they do it is not personal, that they will never change, they will never connect with you (or your children) the way you do, now and then horrible things will happen. But if you can still love and give space to that person to just be, you could be an important and treasures individual receiving deep respect and care.
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What do you mean by deep respect and care, it seems so far away from what i've read and heard from people.