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Regarding cynicism: One thing I learned from my several-year bout with depression, is that a world exists that is much different from the normal every-day reality most people experience. I lost several family members and friends over that time because they simply could not and would not accept that I occupied a reality in which I was incapable of doing anything. When my depression hit me, I was incapable of even standing up on two feet, I would crawl around my apartment to get anywhere. A month later people around me are suggesting I go for job interviews, to "get back on the horse." What was left unsaid was that nobody really believed I was truly that ill. Everybody can at least work, right? So that you're not living off us, in other words.
I've read that people who lose a partner can experience incapacitating grief for months and years, and that family members and friends often cannot relate to or understand that level of soul pain. Similar thing to depression.
The agony, the weight on my soul of peoples' judgment towards me, was as unbearable as the illness. To this day, I have never regained my trust and belief in people. I am 100% a cynic when it comes to trusting people. I have two people in my life who I associate with and who I trust, that is it. Most people ultimately are out for themselves; I experienced that with those closest to me, or who I thought were closest to me.
This is not to say that I don't live life joyfully. I absolutely do, this is one of the true gifts I was given as a result of my depression-slash-awakening journey. I absolutely love life, it is a blessing and a miracle. But I will remain wary and cynical with regards to that which I need to be cynical and wary of, in order to protect myself. Furthermore, it frees me to interact with people in a friendly way, in a happy way, without all the baggage of expectation we put on each other. I have zero expectations because I have zero interest in getting something out of people, other than friendly social exchange.
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