what should I do when someone reminds me of my past me?
 

Hey,

How I would describe the feeling: drained in my solar plexus and belly, like being depleted. At the same time aching in my chest, feeling need and neediness and feeling uncomfortable.

Relationship to her: past carer from a phase where I suffered immensely. She was good to me within these turbulent times. I was usuelly needy. we talk now more as friends or equals, but she seems to still know me like I was and not like I am.

Situation now: I feel uncomfortable feeling needy, because I deny this part of myself.

Question: what would be an advice you would give me, speaking from experience or expertise, that could smoothen my path in accepting my neediness or letting go of it, or else something that might fit better? You may use insights or knowledge, or an understanding.

Intent with the most: I asked the Universe to help me, and it lead me here.

Take into consideration the counseling rule: dont step into the therapist role. Just hand me the advice, openly, honestly, healthy... As a pal on the forum. And let me do any necessary healing or work. I can do self therapy.

Kind regards,

CW

Hmm, if someone reminded me of the 'past me...I would agree with them. "Yup, that was the way I WAS - Thank God I've grown...I'm not like that anymore."

what helped me, was, to quit worrying about feeling good all the time. To accept I felt lousy about what I had been like and just accept that I had been like that, along with all the thoughts of what others must have thought then and what they must think now.

It isn't really such a big thing, to be considering that others might not look at me the way others want to be looked at. Once I got use to it. The only problem was convincing me to accept that I don't always have to look glamourous in the best lights that I can find to be shined on me. Don't always have to have high expectations about how others see me.

And along the same lines, if whatever others see in me (or saw in me) makes them want to go away, I have to accept that, somehow. Much as I never want to. But meanwhile if they are still around and I want to I can try to relate anyway I can given I'm laboring under how awful I feel about what I was like...

it is not all glitz and glamour but it gets me by.

Hey both,

Those are very helpful.. thanks!!

I will take the advices and integrate it into my inner work as I see fit.

Kind regards,

CW

I relate to what you said FallingLeaves. :)

Hey cosmicwonder, I really admire your honest comments.

In my opinion, just about everyone is needy sometimes in their life so don’t think that you are on your own. I can’t see anything wrong with that either.

What I admire about you is that you actually recognise that neediness when it arises and try to take positive action to do something about it. Many people don’t even notice it within themselves, so you’re “streets ahead” as far as I’m concerned.

Regarding your friend. I personally have made the decision not to catch up with old mates/acquaintances because thru past experiences, I have mostly come away from them feeling worse than I did before I met them. Maybe because I’m the complete opposite to what I was 20/30 years ago so I don’t really have anything in common with them now, so what’s the point

You sound like a very smart guy to me, judging from the steps you have taken already, imo. Hope it all works out for you.

What a kind and conscious post, Redchic12. Thank you for making the world a better place, you raise our whole collective up that way. :hug3:

@redchic,

I really am grateful for your kind words.

I am going through a rough time and I cant find any words to share.. so Ill keep it at this for now.

Kind regards,

CW

Aww thank you Baile. That is very kind of you.

Take care CosmicW. We are all here when ya need us.