Two people that I'm attracted to...
Hey! I have an interesting story on two separate individuals that I have been attracted to and was wondering...what's everyone's input?
(First of all let me start out by saying that I am an asexual, homoromantic female-mostly platonic.) The first one I met a few years ago in Search and Rescue class at my college. Even a few days before the class started, I was looking through the names on the class roster online...and I was instantly attracted to her name. It's a very Irish sounding name. I am part Irish, so that could have had something to do with it, though. I was attracted to this girl the moment she shyly walked into the room the first day of class. (Remember, I am an asexual lesbian-mostly platonic.) And what do you know, it ended up that she and I had everything in common. We were both outdoorswomen, we were both extremely Irish, we both wore claddagh rings. We also almost always ended up being put into the same groups in our class activities, and she even ended up driving me to our first field training exercise when my car was in the shop. We had only known each other for a couple of weeks-and don't forget, as I said, she's shy. I was so attracted to this girl. She was so sweet and gentle, not to mention gorgeous. At the end of the semester, I even fell into a mild state of depression, knowing that we'd have to part ways soon. I did get her number but never found it in me to text her-I don't know why that was, I just never could bring myself to contact her. Her shyness could have played a role in that though. I still miss her and I think of her every day-even right now, writing about her, I feel bittersweet. Fast forward two years later-last year. It was once again Autumn Semester, and the first day of class, a few minutes before the class before mine let out, I was standing in the hall, waiting around in first-day awkward silence with other students. When I noticed out of the corner of my eye a girl standing a few feet away. I took a look at her, felt a touch of attraction, and then brushed it off. So we go in, it turns out that this girl is in the same class as me. She and I sit down at opposite ends of the same table. The professor has us go around the room and make introductions. The girl introduces herself...and I am dumbfounded. Her first name is the same as the last girl I was so attracted to two years before! (And by the way, it's not a hugely common name, either.) Throughout the semester, I felt an attraction to this girl-that I had felt before I even heard her say her name, which was the same name as the girl that I had been so attracted to a couple of years earlier. And it was just like before-we always sat at the same table, we always ended up in the same group together during class activities. She was also shy like the first girl. I also think of this girl quite often as well. I will say, however, that my pull towards the second girl was nowhere near what I felt for the first girl. The first one is who I truly felt a true, deep, connection with. I just think that it is so strange, the synchronicities between these two different girls that I was attracted to-down to the fact that they had the same first names! Both times it was the Autumn semester, by the way. This is on my mind constantly. I don't think it's a bad thing, just somewhat eerie (in a good way.) Mind you again, I am an asexual lesbian, mostly platonic. And again, while the second girl often does cross my mind, it's the first one that I really and truly felt a true, deep connection with-and still do. One more thing: I've had several incidents where I swear I've seen the first girl on campus (and by the way, the SAR class that I met her in was on a different campus than the one I'm talking about...that I'm usually at...) |
I think you should contact the first girl.
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Any particular reason why? Just wondering.
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That is all great but what did you have to loose with the first girl if you did contact her ? Because you've got an implicit no now, the worst thing she could have given you was an explicit one. When you'll be my age you'll be sorry mostly for the things you didn't do. The sexual attraction is a bit risky in the sense that she may not have those feelings for you. I messed up when I showed my cards too early so I won't show the back of my tongue either.
Sexual attraction is a brick wall to me that destroys every possibility on getting to know someone. It is usually the ones I am attracted to in a non sexual way that become my best friends and since i don't separate the concept of friendship, love and sex, my friends become my lovers in time. I am shy, if someone is sexually attracted to me I can usually tell by the way they behave, but these people are most likely to get a no as response, because they are overwhelming or scaring me otherwise, even if I would have said yes if they had been more subtle. With yes I mean "yes, i wanna hang out with you" not "yes, i want to date you" the latter is much more likely to get a negative response. Although I do not know if platonic sexual attraction means dating, probably not, but you can fill that in. Bringing something in a playful way has the highest chance of success and is subtle enough so you won't feel embarrassed if she says no. |
I explicitly stated that I am asexual. I have no sexual attraction to this girl-or anyone-at all.
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I wasn't able to tell if you were asking for advice. If so, a general bit of advice for all situations is follow through on your intuitions. Do it. In this case, contact people if that's what you want to do, even if it's been years. That's what action does, it puts an end to all the ceaseless wondering and speculating. It either opens the door anew, or shuts it for good and then you can get on with the next thing in your life. Happiness is 99% clarity and 1% my morning coffee.
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Well, i don't understand why you parted ways with her if your bond was so great. You should at least try and send her a text. The second girl is just a reminder of the first, judging by your post. |
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