Well... I think I'm out.
I've been having heart problems. Pericarditis. Blood pressure and heart rate issues. I was on treatment for pericarditis, I was taking ibuprofen. But then my doctor switch me out since I was on ibuprofen for a whole month and I still have fluid around my heart. Since switching out, the side effects of pericarditis have been coming back but this time, with new pain.
Before i just had general chest and back pain. But now, all of my pain is specifically on the left side, accompanied with jaw, neck pain, dizziness, nausea, and some trouble breathing. It would last for hours, and I think my condition is worsening.
I've been in the ER multiple times, almost daily and to different emergency rooms, and no doctor is able to pin-point what's wrong with me. Blood tests, EKGs, chest xrays... nothing. They just chop it up to my pericarditis or dehydration, but they're still unsure about it. Fluids don't help me much. And none of the doctors know where my pericarditis is coming from. No body knows where any of my problems are coming from.
Like my thread before, I've been going through many death signs. It's non-stop, happens multiple times a day, even when I wake from sleep I turn on the TV and there's the reminder of death. And no, it's not the news or some death commercial. Honestly, I wish you were there so that you can see for yourself just how much death stuff I've been running into lately in perfect timing. And that shadow that has been following me... One psychic told me it's a family member. To protect me. But... I wonder if they're there to take me away.
I can't sleep and I've just been awaiting death. I guess in a way, I've learned to accept my possible fate. I just hope it's painless. Like, I die in my sleep or just collapse and die. And in death, things are peaceful.
And yet, in the back of my mind I don't see myself dying. A voice in the back of my head would say, "It's not my time. I can't die right now." I wonder how much truth is in that voice. And how much of it is just... instict. Instict isn't always accurate.
Sorry if this is types out horribly. I'm in a lot of physical pain right now. I do see a cardiologist tomorrow so... maybe I'll get answers then. If I make it through the night. I've given up hope and have just been letting life work whatever magic is has. I tries praying but things have just gotten worse for me.
I don't know what to do anymore and I want answers. At least before it all ends. I'm only 21 years old.
EDIT: I also dreamt of my passing out or dying. I woke up right when I collapsed in my dream.
sorry to hear this. you are quite young. ive not heard of Pericarditis, so I do not know how serious it is. though recently I had many similar types of symptoms but not quite the same. it caused a lot of anxiety at first , but many tests and they could not find anything immediately wrong. even now I see a lot of things pertaining to death , maybe I just notice them more, like there is a deep fear or something in my subconscious . these things can cause all sorts of physical and mental issues and thoughts. fear of death started this for me I think.i am on meds for these things and I just keep choosing love now . trying to heal that fear with love when it pops up. I think it was Roger Ebert who said " well I'm not afraid of death , I never had any issues before I was born , so why would I have any after I die". made sense , that is if there is no afterlife. if not you got to figure one would just be gone and not fear or miss anything in any way at all. if there is an afterlife then , well much different story obviously.
I believe one can choose life and love and through their intention and DNA can heal anything and change the future possibilities. good luck with your situation.
are you able to work out ? or meditate?
i wish for you to be healthy, and to find the answers you seek danni022.
here's something that i think you might draw inspiration from.
check out the Spiritual experience part, where he says:
"what was me was just all over the place".
Jaggi Vasudev: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaggi_Vasudev
Dont give up!
As far as I know when our medicine dont know what is causing the problem I know that the chances to be spiritual are considerably high!
Pse check a spiritist center near you, probably they can help you on such treatment.
I'm sorry to read of your plight, but know that you are not alone.
Somatoform disorder is a total nuisance, because even though there are physical symptoms, there's no medical cause for it and therefore it cannot be physically treated. I speak from direct experience here (in the throes of costochondritis for the past week or so).
Yep, it feels like you are gonna die...every night...but you never do and I guess, in the end, an acceptance of that fact is reached.
There is a limit to allopathic medicine in regards to psychosomatic disorders with presenting physical symptoms and I have been to many general practitioners who want to send me to psychiatrists who will only pump me full of anti psychotic medication which causes severe parkinsonian symptoms...I just got off that whole treadmill 3 months ago - after putting on 20 kgs in the process. *sigh*
Now, I am having reiki, accupuncture and recently have made arrangements to see a shamanic healer because I realise my whole problem is totally spiritual in nature...not even shrinks can help with this.
There's a general avoidance of the whole medical profession to discuss energetic problems. No doc, I do not have a Functional Neurological Disorder! I just kinda raised my kundalini prematurely...problem? lol
All the best.
I've had these same signs. I've also been having heart trouble the last few years. I often see 9:11 when I look at the clock. You wouldn't believe the amount of signs I see about death. I think it's ansubconscious thing. I'm still quite young, in my 30s.
I've had a few NDE's...and they have all been pleasant and painless.
However, I just don't think most of us get signs of our death...both of my NDEs, were completely out of the blue. At either on, I could have been gone.
I think that part of the reasons I'm seeing so many signs is because Instill have somewhat of a fear of death...and that's why I'm seeing it. My fear isn't of the afterlife, it's leaving my children. They are not grown yet, and one is disabled, so he never will be. There's still things I want to see and do. Most of my life has been hard, so I just want ONE phase to be happy.
Most people whose time is up, do not see signs like we are seeing...it would cause too much anxiety. I've always noticed that people (not who take their own life) but people who seem to die randomly....are happiest leading up to their deaths. I don't know what it is...some kind of energy and etheric thing going on there. There usually no consciousnsign of death....just an inner peace with life, or sense of urgency to get things done....but not out of fear....out of excitement, like marking off a bucket list.
So, saying all this....And What I know personally about death, it's most likely stress and anxiety about your health, and what's in your future. So far, you have not been given a death sentence...and there are many many options for people with heart issues, and many many people, including my FIL, who have died and come back from heart troubles....and still living decades later, with a defibrillator, or surgery.
Try to relax, and be easy on your heart. Worrying, stress, etc will only make your mind go crazy, and cause undue stress. When it's your time to go....you won't know it. You will be here one second, and gone in the next. From my own experience, once your gone....you won't feel any more pain, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. Death means your life sentence is over. It's actually more beautiful than you can imagine. Just imagine going back to your innocence of being a small child or baby, where anything is possible....and you know and feel nothing but love. Never let death scare you.
Be easy on yourself, and enjoy your life here....because it's so short. 100 years is nothing in the life span of infinity. Just pay attention to when your heart starts acting up most. Is it okay in the morning and gets worse through out the day? Are you sleeping good, are you eating healthy, drinking lots of water, dealing with stress, worry, anxiety in a balanced way? Do you laugh and smile, read, socialize, get out of the house or pursue artistic pursuits? Do you smoke, drink, eat lots of unhealthy foods, worry too much....etc etc etc. Those are all things you can control and can contribute to how your heart functions. Take your mind to happy things, happy people, happy places, and your heart will follow.
I really appreciate the responses. I know I shouldn't be so afraid but... I just feel like I'm at the peak of my life and after everything I've gone through and trying to make things better for myself, something else comes along and destroys my progress.
I'm believing more and more that it's over though. Now instead of death, I'm running into heaven related things. Yeah...
Maybe you need to skip the country and go on a trail blazing tour or something,
just *** it and do something new.
I realise this post is a month or so old, but I just came across this thread and...oh wow... I really feel for you in your situation, myself being somebody who suffers from heart problems .. I know how it can be overwhelming.. the fear and thoughts that come with such ailments.
Like you, my thoughts turned to bigger and grander things than just this life that we see. I can only say that from my side of things those thoughts gave me a certain calmness. Breathing exercise and control can work wonders too for calming a dangerous heart beat. I really hope your finding some level of comfort and that things improve for you!
Best wishes :)
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