I really am tied to my TF for forever, aren't I?
 

I'm starting to realize that whether I like it or not, I truly am tied to my TF for forever, no matter how hard I try to forget about him and pretend he doesn't exist. There truly is no escaping. Every time I say I'm done, the Universe bombards me with signs of him within hours, and I'll usually end up running into him out of nowhere even after not seeing him for weeks. This happens EACH AND EVERY time I try to walk away. And yet he still won't admit his feelings. He was so close to finally admitting his feelings, but then he got scared, and became the "runner".

I know people say, "Just live your life and things will happen when they're supposed to," but that's easier said than done. It's hard to just live my life when he's always on my mind, which is why I've tried so hard to just forget about him and move on. But I can't because the Universe won't let me. And not only do I get bombarded with signs, but I feel empty and sick inside my soul whenever I try to move on. I feel like part of his spirit is inside of me.

I just hope that something good comes out of this eventually. I know that this is also supposed to be about "growing," but I don't think I'm doing too well on that these days.:icon_frown:

It's hard to grow or be at peace or whatever it is when you feel empty and terrible and confused, isn't it. It's like someone kicking you and saying it's happening because you don't feel good enough.

One thing that helped me was the realization that my suffering isn't giving my twin and comfort and is actually reinforcing her fears when i try to force reunion. I fully believe people can sense when you are coming from a place of fear, and that doesn't help matters any. Whenever i see my twin, i look at her as i am giving her all my love without judgment and for that moment, we are in union. It lasts just a few minutes, but is enough to let her know i will always leave a path open for us.

Every day i learn a little bit more about our connection and become more loving, but it is a process that needs to be nurtured every day so you don't fall back into the old habit of self loathing and despair.

All the best!

I tried the no contact thing and tried to move on but it never changed my feelings so now I am trying to be friends and that's hard because I want to talk to him all the time and it's just not possible right now. I am trying to have no expectations and be happy I have a friend in my life that I plan to keep. It has been a struggle to accept it for what it is but I finally came to the realization that I can be happy in my life with things the way they are. I just had to change my perceptions of everything. Instead of trying to change things externally, I am trying to change internally, as in my perceptions instead of the thing itself. I am trying to stop looking at things from a perspective of victimhood and instead accept how I am creating it. This involves changing how I talk to take control, as in not saying things like "I have to" and replacing it with saying, "I am choosing to" in this situation. It pulls your mentality out of feeling like things are happening out of your control and taking your control back. I cannot control that he is denying his feelings, but I can control my perspective from feeling devastated to being grateful I have a soul connection that I have found. This perspective has helped me deal with things not as I want them to be.

I get signs too all the time, I was doing a meditation and it ended and the next one that came on was a calling to your soulmate, I just went with it and in it, it was said to ask to see your soulmate and of course, I see his face which I pushed away. The signs, I believe, are to indicate that the purpose of the relationship has not been all the way fulfilled yet. Meaning, there are still reasons that the two people have not parted ways yet or are still drawn to each other.

Wise decision/practice...

:icon_thumright:

No, there are ways to break it, you just have to be willing to do what is required. This is because if you truly desire the link broken, at the deepest depths of your being, it will happen. It might result with it being replaced with a link with someone else or some other event, but you will break it, if you truly desire it.

Lol probably. Just ignore the signs. I'm doing my best to ignore everything.

and just where is this info on how to do so hiding?

Which is an interesting point, because do you really want that? or you just want it to work out? Honestly.

These are the two sides to the coin, aren't they?
I'm in this current place and I think when you've made the decision to try to live your own life, the real work is to get him out of your mind so that you can truly focus on yourself. I've said it before that self-abandonment seems to be a key obstacle for chasers to overcome.

I'm detaching and have good days and some bad days in terms of him coming into my mind. When my present moment work or life is stimulating, or when I stay active physically and take long walks, this helps the most. But I relapsed when I listened at length to song we both love. He crept back in to my field during the process. Then today when I dropped my daughter off at camp in a random neighborhood, his car appeared out of nowhere as I was about to make a left turn on a blind curve in the road. Almost crashed into him. As I corrected myself and let him pass, I felt his car slow down and I felt his eyes on me. But I had no clue about his emotions toward me. I don't know what the universe's message is when he doesn't want to communicate. So I'll just keep walking, keep driving, and be alert.

By the way - please pm me if you can explain how to quote people so they are referenced automatically. Thanks