*trigger warning "suicide" note
 

A few years ago, I was in a very bad state, physically and mentally. I felt as though my marriage was falling apart (turns out it really wasn't-- it was just my state of mind), and I had just gone off some serious meds for depression and experienced several miscarriages.

I have never seriously contemplated suicide, but one day during this dark time, I decided to sit down and write a "suicide note", kind of like a journal entry. I decided to just be as dramatic and negative and poor-me as I wanted to. Maybe it would make me feel better.

I began writing, and of course it started out very dark and negative. Shortly after the first sentence, though, the note took a completely different path. It did not feel like it was coming from me.

I started writing about all the people in my life that have loved me unconditionally, and have been there for me through thick and thin. I wrote about all the amazing experiences I've had. The time I took off to a distant country by myself as a young adult, and what a great time that was. How proud I was of myself for my boldness and fearlessness. All the wonderful friendships and relationships I've had. My kids. All these positive and wonderful things.

I finished this note: "Well I guess I don't really feel like dying now"... or something like that. Then it occurred to me that this was someone guiding me to change my perspective. I really do not feel like the words came from me, because I was really in a desperately negative state of mind. I felt like it was something else.

What do you think?

It kinda sounds to me like "your sub-conscious" was taking stock of your life and coming to the conclusion that you had a lot more to be thankful for than your overt conscious was paying attention to.

When every day life seems very tough...sometimes it can be easy to lose sight of the good things and just get bogged down with the $**t you deal with every day....

And it seems that for you....taking stock of your situation by writing it down very much worked in your favor!

Blue....what do I think??
I just LOVE this post! It's beautiful :happy10:

I am reminded of the quote by Carl Jung, "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."


Welcome to awakening, a process where you make peace with your demons. <3

Sometimes, I believe, when we are moved by a pure version of Ourselves, we often think it might not be us. But I believe that in your willingness to embrace the darkest without filter, you allowed the lightest to express as well.

However... if you started channeling an entity after that experience, I would have a different opinion. But it doesn't sound like that's the case so Light Being You it is :-)

Have to agree with Clover on this

Namaste

I believe it was your soul talking to you

I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you went through. I really think your spirit guides were with you and giving you advice. That's so sweet!

I also write in my journal a lot. Sometimes, I have something terrible happen to me on one particular day. Then I want to rant about it in my journal and be all negative. But then once I start writing I feel I start talking about spiritual things and how its making me stronger and a better person. Sometimes I begin with the intention of angry ranting and it turns into a positive hopeful message. I think its Spirit speaking to you ^_^