Why is it hard to feel spiritual when you're mentally ill?
 

I'm manic a lot of the time, feel like people can hear me think, schizoazffective, "delusional." I thought religion or spirituality would help but it really doesn't, it makes me feel a whole lot worse about myself and condition I'm in. I regret ever knowing about religion and spirituality, I want to feel mundane again. But at the same time it has made the unconscious conscious which makes me feel even worse because my mental health and mania really f*ck me up. 7 years of being mentally ill has really taken its' toll on my life, although I do like some of the concepts, it hasn't helped my state of mind, if anything it made it worse. I've had a messed up life, but it also makes me wanna be a better person yet i feel so self-contradicting inside, it f*cking hurts a lot of the time. The fact I feel people hear me think is what really messed me and my world up, it's one of the main causes of my depression, anxiety and voices aside from feeling guilty bout my past. In a way I'm venting, yet I'm curious as to why spirituality doesn't really help.

Sorry you're going through this. Have you tried accepting your negative side as well as your positive? Also trying not to care what others think of us helps. You can love me or leave me type attitude. I know easier said than done.

Many of those so-called 'spiritual' people will probably just say that you chose to have a mental illness and planned everything before you were born, just as they have done with me here countless times regarding my issues. But think about it from the bright side... If having such a toxic mindset is required to be spiritual, perhaps you're better off being unspiritual.

If I planned this then I f*cked myself big time. If I planned this, what the f*ck was I thinking? Some divine plan.

How does one go back to the "unspiritual" state of mind? The spiritual side of things makes sense, it just makes it so much worse than it has to be in my opinion. I don't want to be conscious anymore. I'm like that guy in the matrix that wants to be plugged back in.

Hard to not care what people think when you feel their emotion and know what they think of you. I've always been empathetic and able to know what people think, I thought everyone is like this. Guess they're more numb to it than me. I used to be apathetic towards how people thought of me or felt, but ever since 2012 I just became so intune with it, it doesn't feel fair. But I guess that's what I get for living without any regards to the consequences of my actions.

Why do you care what other people think about you?

Do you think your actions are true to yourself? Are they causing harm to others?

No. But my thoughts don't align with who I want to be, they just bring me down, soooooo low to the point where I'd rather be dead than feel this way. I literally do nothing. I don't bother anyone.

Hi there,

This type of mental illness is usually the result of a malfunctioning of the Kundalini mechanism. I’ve had some inkling of it when I was going through my Kundalini awakening a few years ago. For a while, crowds were unbearable and I had to separate myself from people. It felt that I had an automatic telepathic connection with everyone that walked past me, it was maddening. I had to quit my job in the City and move out of London, in fact leave the UK altogether because of it.

If you work on yourself energetically and mentally, it is possible to find some relief and eventually a full recovery can happen. Still, you will probably be ultra-sensitive for the rest of your life, so it’s best to keep away from big cities and crowds. Being close to nature, meditation and an appropriate diet can help a lot.

I feel that soooo much. I haven't been going outside lately, mostly because I feel the same way I left when I get home, it creeps back in. As for meditation, it's so embarrassing feeling like the voices in my head hear me think because my mind says absurd things only because I know they're listening and it became a habit, and it makes it hard to stay focused or relaxed. And I don't eat much junk food but I don't eat fruits or vegetables either because I'm broke. I may seem pessimistic, I can't help it, it's been like this for so long. I recently quit drugs, smoking cigarettes and alcohol.

Hi,

It is good to know you quit those things.

Life is very interesting. We do easily get attracted to bad habits. For those who advocate mind over matter like myself, you need to have a sense of humor, and ne kind to your self. That is not easy in a society where kindness is not practiced. It is ok to be embarrased. That leads to humility and wisdom.

John