Why is it so much easier to forgive others than yourself?
 

I was reading this article on healing guilt:
https://www.think-kind.com/writers/2...sty-word-guilt
and tried this out:


The part about how you would forgive someone you love wholeheartedly for making the same mistake I did. At first I missed the "someone you love" part, and just tried it on "someone", I see that that someone that popped into my head looked a lot like me, I was like "****, I don't know if I can, maybe if the person was struggling like mad and enduring all kinds of ordeals in their determination to not ever **** up again maybe, but then again they could still **** up again if conditions are extreme enough". Then I noticed it said someone I love wholeheartedly, so I shifted to this very person I feel guilty over having accidentally harmed and the picture looks so profoundly different, I just feel a blast of love in my heart, shes already forgiven, she never even had anything to be forgiven over, she made a mistake and learned from the most profound difficult lessons from it, it in no way changes how I love her and perceive her.

Yeah that's something really powerful, its like its my ego thats holding onto the guilt or something. The crazy thing is I think maybe I'd have deeper love for her if she was carrying this. Is this a reflection of self hatred? Like I'm holding myself to higher standards cuz I unconsciously reject myself? Or maybe its cuz we lived different lives, its more okay in my mind for her to have made this mistake than me.

Am I an aberration? I forgive myself as easy as pie: "Oh well, I'll do better next time" sort of thing. Guilt... no. Life's way too short and too beautiful to waste time/burden myself with stuff like that.

But I still hold grudges against people from 30 years ago, lol. I never forgive, or forget. Not saying that's good, just saying that's my life. And while I don't feel guilty about it, I do know that on some level that's not the healthiest way to deal with past hurts. Oh well, maybe next lifetime I'll do better.

I subscribe to the idea that no one can make you feel anything.
So with that thought process when someone triggers me or has the ability to upset me in anyway then I try to figure out what’s going on with me. Where are they shining light that I haven’t? When I find that lesson. Or figure out what they are unconsciously pointing out in me that needs healed I’m able to learn more about myself. Helping me to forgive myself that much easier.

But the biggest thing I learned is my knowing that I don’t need to take my past so seriously. Even when I do mess up now I own it. I own my flaws because I know they are a result of the past. And seeing them now is a chance to leave them behind. I try not to judge myself and just keep it moving.

Another big release is forgiving so many people that I never have before. I don’t know why but the more I let go of harboring anger towards people from my past and ex girlfriends the more I forgive and accept myself.

Very wise, I believe that as well. So while I do hold grudges, I do not blame those people for the way I feel. I take full responsibility for my feelings of animosity towards them. It's my junk, they were just the catalyst way back when. My own feelings, all of it.

LoveAllBeings,

I would suggest that instead of thinking that you are rejecting your self to consider instead that you are rejecting love/God(which I view as synonymous). If one believes that God forgives all is it our ego that makes us believe that we have a higher standard to permit forgiveness than God has? It is a common theme in these forums that the Divine lives in all of us........if that is true then it should follow that we too are capable of forgiveness(ourselves included). The impediment IMO is the power and programs of the ego. The ego is always the force that separates us from God/love.

Hmm, maybe it works different for everyone. I can't hold grudges against other people. Not even people that contributed to the worst thing that ever happened me.

Because forgiving yourself is one of the lessons you need to learn in this life. And it's really difficult because if it were easy, you wouldn't learn it in a way that you would remember well enough to stick with you. Some things you gotta "earn". Even if the lesson ends up being simple like all you needed to do was decide to forgive yourself. Open that door of forgiveness.

This rule is not universal. I sometimes find myself too lenient with my own misbehaviors, and perhaps too eager to let my own mistakes slide. Sometimes I dwell on things too much, though. So I'm somewhere in the middle.

This must certainly be a valuable indicator of personality traits. It can't be as simple as extrovert vs introvert, but I'm definitely willing to wager that you can easily flag sociopaths as people with an unlimited capacity to forgive themselves for things they've done wrong.