A new way to let go and hold on
 

I'm happy to report some relief in my personal journey. It is a realization I made months ago, when I thought he had reconciled with his wife, and now I'm making it again, now that I'm pretty sure he is getting a divorce too.

I need to let go of any expectations for reunion with him and for growth/development of his ego self. But I can accept that somehow our souls still love each other and are in contact with each other, and I still believe that this spirit union will continue to shape and inspire me in a way I can't understand with my mind.

This time the realization came when I asked my soul (or spirit guide, not sure) to talk to his soul to find out what is going on. I started automatic writing his response (never done anything like this) on my computer. Feel like I got the details he wouldn't give to me through his silence in our real life encounters.

At first it was loving, supportive words from his soul talking, then the message became bitter, with the tone of a "jerk," and I knew it was his ego talking. (Note-he has never been a jerk to me in real life, but has gone silent or been immature). The words that came to me were a long diatribe filled with anger and sarcasm. His ego self told me not to wait, he isn't changing, typical runner talk, but this time his soul helped me to understand the truth and power of his ego, that his ego doesn't want reassurance from me, and that his ego wants to live his own life without me, and it wants me to let go - both for his sake and mine.

This helps release the longing for union I have with his physical self. I'm ok with this - at least today. My soul still loves his soul (a connection his ego self resents and wants my soul to "stop talking to" his soul, even though he says he doesn't believe in any of that) but the force of the ego is very strong in him, and it is not useful for either of our journeys for me continue loving him in the way I have been because I've been ignoring the fact that the manner in which the love for him has flowed through me has been detrimental to me. Plus, he wants none of it.

Amazingly, there is no sadness as I write this and I don't feel rejected.

Happy for you, that you have found peace with this conclusion.

I had a similar experience. I've been in regular contact with my TF lately (after many yearsof no contact.) It's left me swinging between extreme joy and depression. I got some acupuncture to try and calm down my mind. Usually at this time I'll let go of my ego and receive messages from a higher place.

The message was that if I love him I have to let him go (I'm addicted to hearing from him and we have been contacting each other incessantly. He's pulling away whereas I just want to talk forever.) We are both married and I get why he's pulling away. It's very distracting and depressing for us to be in contact. It's dangerously distracting. I've been so forgetful and barely know what I am doing most of the time. I know all of this but I am in so much pain when I have to physically force myself to not contact him. If he wants to, he can contact me. A lot of my ego has been getting in the way. I feel flattered and validated by all of his attention. We were the loves of each other's lives but there were a lot of things working against us. He left for someone who was more convenient to be in a relationship with and I never reallygot over it.

The other message I got was that it's ok for us to love each other. We can love each other and be there for each other wwithout being together.

Angeline,
Thank you for your lovely reply. I know what you are going through with those feelings of addiction and distraction around his validation, and how much your mind races during the push/pull.

It is wonderful you can receive soothing messages like the one above.

The fact that we all are married must lessen the potential rejection feeling from the encounters, I believe. Now that both my twin and I appear to be on the cusp of "being free," this is when fears kick up and this is why I need even more separation than before.