I think that people sometimes feel very defined by other people, so someone being mean to you can seem to be an indicator that something's wrong with you, if you do tend to feel defined by others. A good philosophy to have is to see their meanness as a problem they have, rather than it being an indicator that you have a problem - after all, instead of something like constructive criticism, they're resorting to doing something negative, which doesn't really produce any benefits. Also, you can sort of "get them" if you take the approach of patience, and respond by calmly saying you don't see things the same way, or even change the focus by saying that they're being unnecessarily aggressive. It will throw them off and give them no little "high" off of getting you down.
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In it, he talks about 'taking the high road', which is not about asserting superiority or "being mean back", rather it is to respond (or not) from a position of awareness. This involves saying stuff like "I acknowledge your deep pain" and "good for you" and even "yes, you are right"...they may not BE right, it just takes a lot of inner fortitude and a malleable ego, to superficially agree with a mean person, even though you know deep down, what they are saying couldn't be any further from the truth. Here is that Matt Kahn video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NllANrBt1rQ Enjoy. |
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If I had one who was always telling me that I was "doing things incorrectly" or I am "wrong"...I will simply say " I most humbly and regretfully apologize, but this is the way I was taught to do it...so whoever taught me must have done so incorrectly, can you please demonstrate the correct way to do it, according to you, so that I may learn from you?" You keep on asking this until you FULLY understand... basically, getting him to do your job FOR you. It also depends on how long you have been with the company...those who have been there longer than you have more 'rights' and especially if they like licking their bosses shoes and pandering to the collective egos of their superiors. This is basically why I am "unemployable" and if I want to earn money, I need to go into business for myself - which a lot of people are doing now...so that the ONLY one I have to answer to is ME. Being employed would have to be the most stressful life experience I could ever imagine...I would never be able to be in your situation without handing in my resignation...so good on you for deciding to stick with it. |
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I usually self reflect, by checking into myself, source any reactions, let them go, get very clear. If your able to go as deep as compassion and loving kindness, then you see that mean, is their reaction and your interpretation through your hurt feelings. Mean cannot penetrate a deeper awareness where your no longer the pawn in their game. You recognise it’s their game and you invest in yourself to manage yourself more clear. Your awareness of yourself deeper in it, learns then how to respond, assertively, whatever is needed by you in any given situation. |
Thing is, I suffer from massive paranoid delusions.
In my totally deluded state, I see such things as "Mentoring programs" like this: So, the boss calls all his section supervisors in for a meeting.. "Hi guys...we just got our EOFY audit back and our productivity hasn't been as high as it has been in recent years..we are haemorrhaging money. Apparently, there seems to be some "weak links in the chain" here...so, time and motion studies need to be done..I need to know, basically, who to keep and who to sack. So, we shall do this under the guise of a "mentoring program" which will enable you all legally to watch and supervise exactly how others are doing their jobs...I thought about installing hidden cameras, but this is a much better idea... After a month, I will call another meeting and you can discuss your findings with me then..." ...but like I said, I live in a paranoid, delusional alternate reality. |
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*** Thanks for sharing this Shivani! *** |
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Three ways to respond:
1. React like a sympathetic 'gutmensch'. 2. Simply ignore them. 3. Tell them to p### off. Personally, I'd prefer 2 and 3 over 1. |
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Zen Quote They are not mean people - 'mean' is your definition. When people are being 'mean' usually it's a cry for help, it's an expression of what they have inside - just the same as not being mean is your expression of what you have inside. 'Mean' people usually haven't dealt with their issues and are looking to make everybody else feel as bad as them, or they want to feel better about themselves by making you feel bad. Once you understand what's underneath it all everything changes. You don't even have to respond, all you have do do is not get caught up in their drama. There's a energy system that builds up and when people are mean to you and you are mean back, everything just gets meaner. Don't become involved in the energy system, just step back from it all. Treat them with respect anyway even though they're not treating you with respect, that way you either become an example of how they could be or you annoy the hell out of them because they don't get what they want. Either way you derail them. Quote:
You can come through this a better person. Quote:
Keep smiling and "Nihil illegitamus carborundum" - don't let the illegitamates grind you down, that's really tick them off. You're better than that. |
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