My best friend doesn't understand the dynamic with my TF
 

I've met my TF last year and it was instant recognition for both.

We went through the bubble love phase and then the triggering phase and have had a few separations and coming backs.

Every time we are in separation I have time to reflect and understand my own s*** behavior and work on it. The same for him.

Last time we came back together we now feel more peaceful and more heart centered.

But, my best friend doesn't understand this at all. She cannot understand that despite the triggering and behaviors we love each other immensely and that just simply does not go away.

Actually, it always brings us back together stronger than before.

To her, we're just not right for each other because relationships are supposed to be simple and conflict free.

She doesn't understand this is not a regular relationship and that I've grown massively since I met him (same for him).

I simply avoid talking to her about this, but last week she asked me about it, and I ended up talking about things and she became very emotional, saying I'm making a mistake and etc, etc.

I didn't like it at all, because I am aware of what's happening and what I want, but she just doesn't want to hear.

She kept saying she knows my intuition is telling me it won't work out between us. When in reality my intuition is telling me the opposite, is telling me we'll make it if we both work on ourselves and get rif of all the bulls***.

She is very much the type that if the other part makes a mistake, she runs away and ends the relationship, so she doesn't understand why I don't do the same.

She focus a lot on what my TF did, but the truth is we're both mirrors of each other and the things I complain about him, I was doing them too.

Anyway, we used to chat every day on Facebook (we live 3h distance) and now we don't anymore.

We seem to be drifting apart and I cannot understand why is she so annoyed that I am still with him. At the end of the day is my decision and she shouldn't be so emotional about it.

Any advice on this? Thank you.

From her point of view your TF is incompatible with you. She sees you fight and reunite, break up and reunite again, and to her it looks like you simply are not going to work out as a couple.

I can totally understand her concerns. She means well, and cannot for the life of her comprehend why you are so determined to make things work out with him.

If you REALLY believe this fellow is your TF you probably need to just quietly let your friendship with this girl fade into the background. She's seeing through 3D world eyes what you feel and believe on a spiritual level. There's no way to explain it, no way to convince her.

Why is she annoyed with you? Because she cares. Because she thinks you are making a dreadful mistake that will only break your heart. If your relationship with your TF smooths out and lasts, she may eventually come around to your way of thinking. But as long as you have the on-and-off dynamic going on, she won't. Be grateful that she cares so much for your well-being.

Thank you.

Yes she is seeing it through 3D world eyes. And this is even worse because she broke up recently with a guy too, so she sees it through her own experience as well.

I am grateful that she cares, but I don't like the fact she's crossing my boundaries.

It's ok to care and tell me how she feels and thinks, but very often she talks like I'm stupid or something, or forcing me to do something I don't want to do.

And that I don't like.

I'm going to weigh in on this because I'm in a situation with a friend where I'm basically your friend.

Your relationship sounds a lot like my friend's - a lot of conflict, breaking up or almost breaking up, being in the mindset of having to change things (getting rid of the "bull****") in order for it to get to a good enough place to work out, etc.

my friend is also in the mindset of both of them having encouraged growth in the other and how good things can be if changes continue to be made, and being hopeful about all the ways he may continue to change.

Here's my point of view on it: if 10 years from now you wouldn't be happy in the relationship if things were exactly the way they are right now, then why stay in that relationship? why be with someone when you being with them is dependent on something about them or the way they treat you changing? why accept someone treating you in a way that needs to change? or you treating them in a way that needs to change? I think my friend deserves better and I'm sure your friend thinks you deserve better, too.

your friend seeing things in a way that's coloured by her own experiences is completely understandable. I see a lot of my (emotionally abusive) ex's traits and behaviours in my friend's partner and I'm sure you can understand why anyone would be unhappy to see someone they care about being with someone who behaves in a way that is reminiscent of someone abusive.

I'll tell you why: the "thing" I need to change, is basically I have (or had) a pattern of lashing out when the other person does or says something I don't like. I don't scream or yell, but I get into a bad mood and tell them off.

Basically this was my inner child hurting and it triggered that in me.

Then later when I have the space to process things, I would realize that what he said or done wasn't even bad or abusive, was just him being him.

In the past I used to attract men who would enable this kind of my behavior and I would lose respect for them and end the relationship.

Now, with this guy things are different. He has got boundaries and wants to communicate with me but not with me lashing out or in a bad mood. So when I am like that, he refuses to participate. And he broke up with me because of that.

To my friend, the fact he doesn't want to participate in my lashing out and setting up his boundaries is because he is not the right person for me.

When in fact, he is helping me acknowledging my bulls*** and release it, learning to communicate in healthy ways.

But she doesn't see that, because she only sees the fault in the other, not in herself.

So this is not about "changing", is about evolving and growing. And yes I want a relationship that works better when I do my inner work, rather than having an enabling person and no growth.

I hope this explains it better.

I don't like to rain on anyone's parade but if a relationship takes a lot of work - a lot of energy to keep going, then it really is a non-starter. Your friend is right. Relationships should be uncomplicated: occasional sharp words and that but quarrels, partings, all dressed up in spiritual hocus pocus isn't good for spiritual health (in which you can include mental and physical health).

3D or anyD, relationships play out in this mundane world. They may embrace spirituality and bonds may be created on this world, but they're still in the 3D.
That's why and how you're able to post about it. Anyone reading your post will be doing so in 3D.

Among my acquaintances are those who have "parted" and the pull to return is understandably strong but it doesn't mean it'll work out in the end. It might but don't count on it.
Just my view. I tend to look on these things practically. I have a life to live and try to keep dealings with others uncomplicated to avoid wasting energy.... life-force energy, if you like.
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Do you understand the dynamic between twin flames? You cannot see a TF dynamic the same way as a traditional relationship.

I agree with Lorelyn that relationships should be uncomplicated, especially more so spiritual ones (whatever you want to call them). I don't think there's much more for me to add there. I also agree your friend cares about you and just wants the best for you. Maybe just ask her not to talk about it anymore and continue your friendship without the relationship on your minds.

Actually is not the relationship that requires a lot of work or is complicated. We do get along really well.

What I feel requires work is me with myself.

As I said previously, I've had guys before who would enable the kind of behavior I was having (lashing out, get into a bad mood, etc) and I would lose respect for them and they were just enabling my behavior.

This guy now has boundaries and he doesn't participate in this kind of childish behavior from me when I am like that. That is what I need to work on, with myself.

From what I know, this is the "normal" dynamic between TF's.

as far as your own self-work goes, especially when it's something entrenched in your behaviour in relationships... my personal opinion is that you shouldn't be in a relationship until you've worked that out on your own. my friend's partner has SO many issues that affect their relationship and I feel he was not remotely ready to enter into a serious relationship with anybody until he had spent a lot more time working on himself on his own.

I had very similar issues to yours and after my last relationship, which was the latest in an ongoing string of bad relationship after bad relationship, never taking any amount of time to be single in between, I finally realized that I needed to be on my own for a while. I committed to staying single for at least a year, during which time I focused 100% on myself. a year and a few months later, I met my partner, and for the first time in my life I'm in a healthy, functional, positive, conflict-free relationship, and it is the best thing I've ever experienced. I truly believe I needed to take that time to prove to myself that I could be alone and didn't need to be in ****** relationships, in order for me to raise my own vibrations enough to attract someone who is actually a good, gentle, loving, non-abusive person to me.

it may or may not be something that would be helpful for you, but it certainly was life changing for me.

regardless of the labels you're putting on this connection, the most important thing is how you're being treated, and how you're treating that person. I hope you'll choose to focus on that and make a healthy choice.