How to deal with blocked stress
 

My life hasn’t been an easy one until now, lots of heartache, loss and stress, and the inability to let go off experiences, situations and people.In short a lot of trauma, that hasn’t been resolved yet.

I thought I was doing okay until my dad died suddenly on the 17th of October last year than everything came back like a sledgehammer into my face, leading to a serious depression. Resulting in anxiety attacks and terrible tummy aches.

I’ve been trying to heal it myself but somehow I get so stuck in this. I tried grounding, meditation, reiki, talking about it, but somehow I can’t get rid of it, it keeps playing in my head as repetitive thoughts that I can’t control.

I’m putting this here in the hope that someone has an idea or a solution to what I can do to work through this the right way. I’m so numb right now.

I'm sorry to read of your suffering, but you have the awareness you are suffering with trauma, which is everything IMO, and a vital step forward in getting under the skin of it all.

Although you're experiencing sadness in losing your dad, it has also spiked that awareness within to ignite the suffering. This is the opportunity you have been unconsciously waiting for, in order for you to assess what is bubbling away underneath. It usually takes some tragic event to flick the suffering switch on, and it sounds as though yours has been flicked.

What you've outlined you're doing to heal sounds good, but it's worth remembering this stuff can take a long time to heal. We carry repressed emotions around with us our entire lifetime, so not only have you repressed most of your previous heartache, loss and stress you've experienced, you've also more than likely repressed more on top of that from being a child - we all do, we're not really aware that we do, that's the difference.

One thing I noticed in your post is that you're trying to control your repetitive thoughts; herein lies the problem. Trying to get rid of negative thoughts is resistance, so you're unconsciously provoking them to continually re-appear. IME, the key to reducing overactive thoughts is sitting with them and observing them, not trying to resist them. You can allow your mind to do as it pleases, but you don't have to engage in what is stirring around within it :)

Control = resistance.

I'd also try sitting with your feelings, too, if you haven't done so already. Many dislike this approach as it can be quite uncomfortable, yet many find beauty in it, as again, you're not judging yourself or the emotions, you're simply allowing them to be - to do their thing - and you observe. Another good way (IMO) once you're comfortable with sitting with your emotions is to start digging deeper into the root cause of your trauma; re-visit the experiences, allow the grieving process to start; cry, scream, do whatever you need, but this is ultimately healing. Then question (non-judgmentally) where this belief comes from, and why it is there. What emotion is the underlying factor of a certain event? Is it fear, jealously, anger, rejection, abandonment etc? Is it serving you a purpose? Is it a belief you can allow to let go of now?

It's a marathon, not a sprint. Patience is key, and believe me when I say this, I get very frustrated at how long it is taking me, but care, gentleness and love to yourself is important here and realise the beliefs you store right now have been accumulated over your entire life more than likely, so be patient, as otherwise you're resisting.

Good luck :)

Thank you Oen34 for your reaction.

You say observing the negative thoughts and let that old brain run around a bit so to speak, but how do you prevent it from affecting the rest?

What I mean is those thoughts can come up at any moment and it seems to affect all, I get a psychical reaction as well and that doesn’t really make me happier.

I think another important thing to consider might be to allow myself to heal, consciously say it’s okay for me to heal I don’t have to hold on to the things I don’t want to hold on.

Another thought that came up was that I might be preventing myself from healing so I won’t have the responsibility for myself to grow to my full potential, keeping myself small so to speak.

I would like to hear your opinion about this ☺️

Whenever they come up, you observe them, you don't try resisting them or pushing them away. It can be challenging when you're in another environment other than home (for example) when you get the chance to get still and quiet. The same applies with the physical reaction; observe it when it happens, but it needs sitting with when you can, or even when you get time to sit quietly, cast your mind back to what you felt wherever you were at the time, then sit with the feeling, but don't attach a thought to it.

And absolutely, consciously telling yourself you are allowed to heal is very important. Don't play it down as majority do that, but at the same time don't make it a huge deal, just schedule some time aside to do it daily if you can.

You will be preventing yourself from healing, yes, as do most, as we don't realise we're shutting ourselves down emotionally and put a guard up. By doing this we are resisting - pushing the emotions even further and further down, so it's never ending.

1) Observe thoughts whenever you can. If you're away from home and you get a reoccurring negative thought(s) and emotion(s), make a mental note, or write it down and take yourself back to these thoughts and feelings when you can get still. Start asking yourself questions - self inquire - as I mentioned in my original post, as this will really get to the root cause of where the belief and emotion stems from. I actually get past situations coming up from when I was a child/teenager/in my twenties, which is a light bulb moment as it shows me exactly where I gained this belief and emotion.

2) Schedule time to sit with your emotions, without judgement and mind chatter attached to the emotions, and feel them. Take as long as you need to.

3) Be very gentle on yourself. Get out in nature, rest when you can etc, as genuine healing wipes you out.

Hope this helps.

Thank Oen34 for your help and insight.

Would you mind if I sent you a pm if I have additional questions?

Of course, you don't need to ask :smile:

Thank you that’s very kind of you 😃

Hi Angel1974.

Healing can come about through having a love-based, rather than a negative or fear-based, perspective.

It might help to remind yourself frequently that everything is okay, that 'all is well'.

Hang in there and take it one day at a time. Try to be at peace in the present moment. When you feel yourself getting upset or 'out of alignment', take a deep breath and relax. Don't FORCE yourself to feel any particular way. Just breathe deeply and let your thoughts and feelings come and go on their own, without effort.

Have faith that things WILL get better, and they'll get better more quickly because of your faith.