Unsure of anything.
 

Regardless of what I do I can't escape spiritualism in the sense of utilizing otherworldly(for lack of a better term) talents. I can't deny it I am technically a "natural witch" however due to my own anxieties and OCD proof is hard to come by. I use pendulums and confirm this. However due to my Christian path I have become clouded. I don't know left from right nor up from down. My meds have pretty much helped me get passed some of these things but nothing stops the itching feeling I an wrong. I know this may seem out of topic but I feel this may be the right place to post.

one of the tenets of christianity is that witches are evil... so I'm not surprised you are confused. I don't know what to tell you about that...

I figured out a long time ago, the desire to 'prove' things to others is somewhat misplaced. In the realm you are in, it will perhaps not serve you. For your purposes, all that matters is what you choose to think of it.

As far as left\right\up\down I personally think what is said about those is wrong. So in my own fantasy you might be sensing that yourself and kind of in limbo while you wait for things to crystalize in a more sensible way. But that is just me.

I'm sensing I should tell you... some things don't happen quickly, it can take a long time for the best of things to come to fruition. And sometimes, you get a more complete answer if you wait a while for more facts to come in than if you try to get to the crux of the matter immediately.

I suppose waiting can be a life time. I have been in and out of religions spirituality and such. Thanks for your input.

Unsure, of corse, i know this. Can't tell you why. Feeling, that it can be anything but nothing is revealed to you on level, when you can say, yes, that it is and this it how it works.
With time pand patience(becouse you have no other option i guess) things are revealed slow step by step.

For myself i could say i was much more developed back in time, but i couldn't handle it so it all collapsed and is now coming back together with more strength, when you know all the details it can't collapse again.

Don't be too cought into christianity, it is just one of many options-from one point of view. But i am sure it doesn't give answers one really needs. Maybe it can be developed further, but i guess it can't since main anchor point is about 2000 years back.

I can empathize from a different perspective. I was raised atheist so religion of any sort was very foreign to me. When I became interested in Wicca there was a lot of resistance. What was ironic was even being raised atheist due to the way we are conditioned in society I harbored a lot of the fear that was caused by the Christian mindset when it comes to Witches as well as what I have seen in the media. Very few movies or TV shows depict Witches in a positive way. It took awhile but with intuition I could tell the path of the Witch was the right path for me. If regardless of your resistance you keep thinking about it and continue to search, most likely you are gravitating towards that path for a reason. My advice, and I will admit I am very new to Witchcraft and anything spiritual, is to meditate regularly, read books, (I started with Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by the late Scott Cunningham), explore YouTube and reach out to the wonderful folks on sites like this. For me at least meditation was the first step to deal with fear, anxiety, depression etc. Don't be afraid to call to your Spirit Guides or Higher Self for some insight. The process of shedding layers can be intense and you don't have to do it alone. But be open and ask yourself if you are being resistant. One thing also to remember is that Wicca's rule of thumb is to harm none. If you have no ill will and love yourself and the others around you nothing bad will happen. This sadly, is what people either forget or simply do not know. I hope that I was able to help at least a little bit. As for Christianity, what I have found, which may be refreshing, is a lot of the tradition is stemmed from Pagan religions. They even use magick! Like I said earlier, I just went through months of being horrified. It will pass if you trust / love yourself and others and perhaps find a spiritual routine with meditation.