My Dad is Dying and I'm scared.....
 

My Dad was diagnosed with terminal Cancer last week and he is going downhill fast. I saw him a couple of days ago and he was so thin & fragile, it just almost didn't seem like him. I'm very close to my Dad, he is a very Spiritual man, we connect on that level. I asked him if he was scared and he said no. I trust that he will be greeted on passing over, by his Mum and dad and Barney our beloved Golden Retriever.

I just can't get my head around how fast this is all happening. We all celebrated Christmas less than a month ago. I've just recovered from a complete nervous breakdown and now this. When I was ill, my Dad came to stay with me for a week; now when I look back, all the things we have done in the last three years, were saying goodbye to this life. Like going to his hometown when my Grandmother died and we went to see his old house.

I know I will see my dad again, but I'm aching so badly inside right now, as it's just all too fast, I love him so much and he is the best Dad in the world. I can't believe I'm writing this, I'm breaking inside.

There is a blessing that your grief is front loaded and you have time to prepare for what may happen in the future. Be strong! I've been there. Its another part of your earthly journey. This too will pass.:angel7:

So sorry to hear that, dear PurpleMist.

Firstly, yes, when his 'time' comes his mum and dad and Barney will be there to greet him. Indeed, they may come to accompany him over to the Other Side.
So, take heart at that.

I'm not going to lie to you, dear soul. It'll be stressful. But somehow, when the need arises, 'you' find the inner strength to cope.

Do you have other family/relatives? Or close friends? Always helps to have someone there with you. A bit of moral support and all that.

Prayer can be very strengthening at a time like this.

You have your memories of magic moments together. Nothing can ever take those from you.

Stay strong, dear soul. God bless.

Always toughest on those left behind...:hug:

Treasure the good moments, as well as those good moments left to come before he passes--when he leaves, you will be able to let him go with a smile knowing that yes, you'll meet again someday, in another life.

Chances are he's a part of your soul family, and as you've had such a good bond in this lifetime, your souls will most likely incarnate at some point together again.

My heart goes out to you, PurpleMist.

Now when I look back, we did all of the special things in the years before he got ill, we went to the Zoo, we went to childhood places, we spent quality time together, we talked, we sat in silence, sometimes we didn't need words (if that makes sense).

I am very lucky to have had him as my Dad, I love him so much and will miss him dearly when he leaves this plane of existence and moves to the next, but I know he will be watching over us. Just as I was typing that, there was a huge bang from one of the wardrobes, it has never ever done that before. Strange.

Thank you for your replies to this post, it really means such a lot to me at such a difficult time in life.
Love and Light, PurpleMist xxx

Hi PurpleMist,

I can empathise with you on more than one level its hard to comprehend that someone who you are close to will leave the earth plain,its a fact of life but it doesnt take the pain away,cancer has taken so many people in my own life
as you are a spiritual person you will know that your dad,wont cross on his own ,and he will be fully healed in the spiritual realm, im sorry you are getting over a Nervous Breakdown,and the support you had from your dad was invalueble.but he did it because he loves you,you can still speak to your dad you know this ,but have you got support to help you through what your dad is going through?, there are organisations that can offer support for you you dont have to go through this alone. if you want to talk to someone just pm me,
thinking of you.

Namaste

I extend all the healing energy at my behest to you personally to help you to deal with this singularly difficult situation.


I worry so much that my words of comfort can be taken as anything but.... In my experience the ones preparing to go home have an air of reconcilliation about them , In fact it is very often the case that an air of both peace and tranquility befalls them , because they know they have lived their lives according to their abilities and gifts to the very fullest....

It is , in my experience, (a very personal experience,I may say) that those who are to left behind are the ones that take on the most difficult of emotions.. So please take this love and healing as it is given .. For you personally.

Thank you all for your replies, I'm really struggling today, the evenings are the worst. I can't eat and am living on coffee. The strength my Dad taught me is not here and I need it most now, because I'm so scared of losing him in this life and so quickly. Last week everything was ok, today, it's all dark.

I know my Dad will be going to a better place. I will look for signs. My Daughter said to me last night, that she will be long for white feathers and whenever she gets one she will put it in a jar to keep. I just wish I was there to hold his hand as he passes, but I can't.

I just went this all to have been a bad dream and I will wake up and he will be here...but that's not going to happen :(

It's hard to shake the fear when it involves a loved one. Just accept the fear (and all other emotions) as something that comes and goes. It's about the only way to not let it get under your skin, and if it's any comfort, you are not alone!

(Living on coffee is uh not so good for you - it'll only rev you up - whether good or bad feelings come.)

Make a list of healthy snacks to have ready to grab (I think apples and/or cheese or peanut butter and celery?) will keep that coffee habit at bay.

I am so sorry for all you are going through. Death is never easy, nothing will ease the pain when he goes except time and grieving. But that's ok! Try to focus on the circle of life, your father means the world to you, he will leave physically but he will be with you still. I have experienced things designed to let me know my parents' spirits are around me. You will grieve, you will live your life, and when your time comes, there will be people feeling about you like you feel about your dad. I lost one parent at 13 and the other at 45 and both were long and slow demises. It never ever gets easier but you will survive it with the love and support of your own child(ren). Take comfort in knowing that every single person that ever lived or ever will live has gone or will go through the same thing and everyone understands. Don't be afraid to cry your heart out. You will be ok.

As I mentioned earlier, prayer can help.

A gentle herbal nervine like Kalms or Quiet Life might be of value to you.

Thank you, I am praying for him & sending gratitude to the Universe to thank him for being my Dad in this life. I will continue to pray and speak to him when he has left this plane of existence.

I am eating small bits here and there but have switched to decaf coffee now, as I would be bouncing around all night if I'd had more caffeine. I'm going to go to the Dr in the morning to see if I can get something to help me sleep.

It's strange but they way I saw him on Saturday, skeletal, with sunken cheeks and his eyes were bulging, I can't see that as clearly now, I'm blocking it subconsciously, that's what my Dad would want. He is a proud and brave man and I remember him fit and healthy and happy. That's what he would want and that's how he will be in the afterlife.

It's strange; I attempted suicide before Christmas, at the end of a horrific nervous breakdown and pulled through, I wish I hadn't put him through that, but although I can't change what's happened, I will try to grow from it and make sure that things never get to that point again.

Dear PurpleMist,
The last thing your Dad would want for you is for anything to happen to you. He loves you very much. He will see that even more clearly when he has crossed over. He will see the purpose and the value of this life on Earth. So please...do your very best to look after yourself as a gift to him, and his Soul.

My heart-felt thoughts, because I know how hard this is. But one thing that will help, if you can do it, is shifting perspective, or viewpoint, from this world to the next. In this world things look very different to the way they look from a higher perspective.

I saw my husband dying and saw it from two angles. One way it was so tragic....another way it was peaceful, natural and there was a beauty in it as he let go of all of the trappings of this world gradually and entered into his Soul ready to make his journey.

Try if you can, not to be afraid of how your Dad looks. Those are the signs of letting go of the body. Don't be upset if he doesn't want to eat. Don't try and force him to "please eat a little bit". That is another sign of the loosening of the Soul from the body.
So long as his pain medication is good, he will be okay. Keep giving him your love and support.

Dear Purple Mist,

So sorry to hear about what you and your Dad are going through. It's never easy and it's hard to shake off the fear but you need to look after yourself - your Dad would want you to. Remember that he may physically leave you but his love will always be with you.

Some other things I would have said to you - Tobi has already said them, so I hope you eventually find peace,

Blessings to you,
Jenny Crow

Sorry to hear of your sorrow. I can empathize. My own Dad died a couple years ago, long slow painful battle with cancer.

Life is the water that plays and slips through our fingers, the rush of cool mountain brook water, living and moving forward. live it forward. Love the shine in the rushing water. You are his legacy upon the earth.

.... :hug2: .....

My mom passed suddenly when I was 20 years old and away at college... I did not get a chance to say goodbye before she passed on... It was the most challenging experience of my life - but I would not wish to change the way that things unfolded because in the 10 years that followed, that life experience served as the catalyst for the most profound growth that I never could have imagined I would experience...

As others have noted, it is good that you have advanced notice of his condition and the opportunity to not only mentally prepare yourself (as best you can), but to be able to communicate with him and say what you feel needs to be said... You said your father is a very spiritual man and that will not only aid him in his transition, but also give you some comfort in knowing that he's well-prepared to process this universal experience that we will all go through when our time comes...

You are going to be fine... You will navigate your way through these challenging times and then there will come a day when everything will be clear to you and you'll see the higher purpose and the value behind these circumstances unfolding the way that they have... Hang in there and be strong, friend...

~WOLF

He's gone, he's really gone...I can't believe it, my hero Dad, my guide in this physical life has passed over.

He looked so peaceful, like he was asleep, but it was his body, not my Dad, his spirit was not in his body. I don't know what I will do without him....

Condolences, PurpleMist...

:hug:

For me, I do not perceive that my loved one is 'gone' (which carries a sense of permanence to it), but rather I choose to perceive that she is simply physically 'away' from me for the time being (a temporary period of time)... Though you remain tethered through the heart-based connection that you share.

We are all going to make that same natural transition one day - but we cannot force it and must allow for our time to come...

Lots of positive energy coming your way.

~WOLF

Bless you dear, losing those close to us is the hardest thing we will have to contend with in life. Losing my son was the toughest thing i have had to deal with. We have to keep reminding ourselves to put ourselves in their shoes... they wouldn't want us to become overwrought at their passing (even though it's almost impossible, at times). Bless you.

My kindest thoughts to you PurpleMist.
Blessings to your dear Dad, who is now released from a body of pain and restriction. He will go well, as there is much love with him.

Blessings to you both.

Remember, please, his love can reach your heart and your love reaches his. He is 'more alive' than he ever was here, and loves you very very much.

So sorry to hear about your dear father. My heart goes out to you....

Though it broke your heart, it probably was a blessed relief to him, to be freed from his sufferings.
He is happy now, 'young' again and reunited with his mum and dad and Barney. Take comfort in that.

Stay strong, dear soul. You will cope. Everything will be alright.

Though he is no longer in the physical world, you remain his ambassador on earth. Resolve to do him proud.
And I'm sure you will.

Sending you strength and hope . It will be a tough time....this life lesson...but you must be strong for yourself and other family members.

His spirit is still there with you and always will be. At some point you will know this and maybe get some signs .

My husband passed over also a few months ago...cancer too. Life is hard but just hold it,together. Your father would want that.

Big hugs to,you :hug2:

Hi PurpleMist

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately I know exactly what it's like - my dad died of terminal cancer just 3 months ago. He went downhill very quickly and I totally understand the pain of seeing your father so thin and frail. At the end, he looked like a Holocaust victim. Fortunately he died at peace in my presence which was very healing for me. I take a lot of comfort in the fact he is not suffering anymore and is in a better place. Hold onto your spiritual faith at this time if it brings you comfort and make the last days/weeks/months with your dad a time of quiet healing and reflection. Before my dad became too sick we used to look at and talk about family photos. I didn't have the best upbringing so that in itself was very healing. When you look back those reflective times will most likely mean a lot. Thinking of you. Do pm if you need to talk.

Thank you for all your kind and thoughtful messages, they mean so much to me at such a difficult time. I promised my Dad I would be there for my Mum and support her and I will. I also told him that I will make him proud, which I will. I think our family is still in shock as it all happened so fast, but as I said previously, on reflection, my Dad had subconsciously/unknowingly been saying goodbye to the important places and people for a while over the last few years.

I believe that he sent a little sign yesterday morning. I was driving up to my parents house and a van came the other way with big green writing on the front. It said 'Ted'. That was one of the pet names my Dad used for me all the time. Ive never ever seen this van before and I immediately gave him thanks, as I truly believe that he was letting me know he was safe.

Fly high with the Angels Dad, thank you for being my hero, thank you for being the best Dad in the world. I've learned such a lot from your timeless wisdom and patience. I love you xxx

Hi PurpleMist,

My thoughts and prayers are with you

Namaste

I feel your pain and your sadness having gone through similar <3 You just want to hold on. My mother was also very spiritual, I learnt much from her.
It has been just over a year now but still fresh in my mind. I ask for little signs from her and I get them, not all the time but they happen.
The first sign I've made my avatar, a photo I took.
I know she is fine and in a far better place, but understandably, we still miss their physical presence.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you ((((Hugs))))

Purplemist, I'm very sorry for your pain.

My father died a month ago and I want to say words that will comfort, but I can't just now, so I wasn't going to post. But, I thought just possibly it would some be small comfort to you to know that reading through your thread, reading the responses and especially your honest sharing has helped me feel not so alone in my own grief.

Thank you for your courage in sharing here.

Condolences to you as well Pleroo, and everyone who has recently experinced a loss in their lives...

:hug2:

My heart really does go out to you and everyone who is aware that their loved ones are nearing the end of their Charted Path. Both my dad and my mum made their transitions 'Home' due to cancer, and I took comfort for the time I had with them and this knowing so I could say all the things I wanted to.

I now treasure their memories, and through these they live on in me and everyone who remembers them. I sense their energy all around the universe, and I know in my very soul they will be waiting for me when it is time for me to make my transition.

I hope you and your family find peace, happiness and harmony, and I send you all my love and prayers :hug2:

My thoughts go out to you Purple Mist.

Please understand no matter what others may tell you, it will take you significant time to even begin to come to terms with your loss; Im talking years not months. Allow yourself this time, do not feel pressure and grieve as feels right to you. Some say 5 years, some say 7 years. I guess we are al different, I am a year on from losing my mother, would have been the funeral this Thursday a year ago and it doesn't feel ANY better. There is still a Black Hole literally. Lost my dad 34 years ago to the same horrible illness as you lost your dad too

Understand that there will be folk who just don't empathise having never been through it and don't let the ignorant impede in your grieving process one bit. If it take you 10 years to come through to the other side then SO be it!

We are all here on this site for you and to offer support and condolences.

That is truly an inspirational post, my friend:biggrin: :biggrin:

PurpleMist - I am wishing you and your family much love and many blessings at this time. May your memories of your father and the love you shared be a comfort to you now and always.

Peace & blessings,
7L

That is kind of you, wolfgaze. Thank you.

This may be hard to understand, PurpleMist...but, this is the most precious gift
your father has ever given you.
You will reach depths you have never known.
:love9:

I think at this present moment, everything in my life is hard to understand, but I think I can see what you're saying Miss Hepburn. I am very lucky to have had such a wonderful man as my Dad, I'm just missing him terribly at the moment, I just want to hear his voice down the phone or hug him.

I know it sounds selfish, because I'm thinking of me, and I would never have wanted my Dad to suffer and his suffering was short thank goodness, so he was blessed in that sense. This is so hard. I'm actually a trained bereavement counsellor, but I'm not practising at the moment, so I understand the theory behind grief and I know every grief is completely different, but I just can't go on without him. My partner is devastated too as she was very fond of my Dad and he was of her too. I just want to wake up and this last month hav all been a bad dream...

PurpleMist I think how you're feeling is natural and understandable. Others have been right there too and can empathize with how you're feeling right now. I know it's not easy to feel this way but you just have to allow the hurting to be present and then you work your way through it over time. No matter how much it hurts you will not be stuck feeling this way - so just try to reassure and remind yourself that you are going to feel better over time - and you will!

I noticed in your profile that you mention that you have a child (daughter). Perhaps at some point moving forward it would be helpful and beneficial for your healing process for you to focus on the realization that you can give to your child what your father gave to you. You can
be for your child what your father was (and is) for you. The positive influence and love that he extended to you - you can pass it on to your daughter. It's the gift that keeps on giving, and oh what a nice gift. Maybe even someday your daughter will start her own family and be able to pass on the loving influence that was passed on down from your father, through you, and onto her. A multi-generational ripple effect of you and your loved ones uplifting and elevating one another. : )

I think it's interesting that you already have bereavement counseling training. I think you are going to find that enduring through this challenging experience of grieving your father's passing is going to serve to change you in ways that will impart a new level of awareness, understanding, and insight with regards to the nature of the grieving process. Perhaps this experience will end up providing you with an even better equiped skillset with which you can utilize to aid and assist others who find themselves grieving the passing of their loved ones. It could feel like your 'calling' and something which is not only extremely important, but also very rewarding/fulfilling. Just a thought....

~WOLF

Tomorrow is my dads funeral. I'm not ready for it. It's too fast. I feel him around me in spirit and have asked for him to send a sign just for me tomorrow, just to let me know he's there with us.

I'm totally heartbroken, I feel as if I'm still in some awful dream, my Dad can't have left the physical world? I don't want to go on without him, I miss his kind words, strength and guidance so much.

Hello, dear PurpleMist.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear about your loss.

If this helps, at least he obtained the relief from physical pain he so desperately sought, and he is in a beautiful place now.

You were a wonderful daughter to him, and he was lucky to have you.

God bless you and your family :hug:

What a thoughtful and inspiring post, wolfgaze !!! Thanks so much for sharing, friend ! :hug2: