Healthy Relationships
 

Hey,

I was just thinking that people who are in great relationships have a lot going for them... and I wondered what are the real ingredients for a healthy relationship.

Hey There,

Great Question!!

As I see these things it is mutual respect. It is a very hard concept to understand because every person 'thinks' they now and practice it properly.

Consider the circumstances where 'your truth' on a given matter does not align with the 'authentic truth' of your partner or a person you are in a relationship with. It could be a big issue or just an inclination or personal preference. Can you see the value of another authentic truth as dearly as your own?

John

Trust, freedom, support and understanding. The four big ones for me.

Chemistry/Connection - emotional, physical, and spiritual
Communication
Trust
Friendship
Support
Balanced needs, strengths, and weakness
Compatible dysfunctions

Communication is key.

Accepting that you and your partner are two completely different people.

Accepting imperfection.

Trus is the big one.

i agree with all of the above - but how does one find a healthy potential partner?!

Knowledgeable nutshell, Nada (especially the last item on your list!)

Communication (both giving and receiving honestly) is paramount, in my experience.

To me, even though I like to think I possess all of the virtuous qualities that have been mentioned, and that my partner does too, there also comes a point where my expectations of myself, and also the expectations I have on my partner, become unrealistic.

I think about intent, because it must be inevitable that I hurt the feelings of my loved one, and I make choices and do things that I know will hurt them, but I also think those choices/actions are the best thing for me...

It's selfish, but it's also selfish for the partner to restrict what I think is best for me as a person, so in this case, we're all being selfish... and it's almost as if there three things; selfish me, the selfish partner and the relationship itself.

That makes things very obscure, not so simple, as there is my best interests, the partner's best interests, and the best interests of the relationship. One would have to assume the best interests of the relationship serves both partners best interests.

I was reading in another thread some mentioning about 'your own needs', and that was interesting, as though considering the partner's needs is most important and having your own needs is not really acceptable, but honestly, who is without needs... and what does the relationship need.

Lovely sentiments people have mentioned in this thread, agree with them all, but to what degree could I say I possess each of these qualities... one immediately springs to mind, communication... I wouldn't rate that as a personal strength in my case, but trust, on the other-hand, I rate myself pretty high - friendship, well, I'm not really a very friendly person I don't think - your truth and authentic truth, I don't even know what that is ... and so on.

Yes...this life of ours is fraught with hurts along with joys. It just is.

And some of the time when you (the collective us) perceive that your loved one is hurting you it is exactly that: your perception.

That is not always true, though. If someone hurts you on purpose (like not making a choice because it's best for them but making a choice to particularly hurt you) then as a person, how can you trust that person in the future, especially if they choose to hurt you over and over in that way?

But, sometimes you have to make a choice for yourself and it's not directly aimed at hurting your partner. It becomes a situation where you are hurting yourself on purpose if you don't make that choice. How can you, as a partner, fault the person you love for doing what is best? That's where compersion comes in: because you love your partner, you want them to be happy, even if that means not being happy with you.

That doesn't feel like selfishness to me.

Balance ...