it all seems too perfect
 

one of the things that causes doubt for me is that, well, the first time i ever even read the term "Starseed" I was going through a very rough time in my life. It was kind of at the beginning of my school career's descent. You see, I was kind of a "gifted" child and had my whole identity and self-worth revolving around that fact. I did well in school, got good grades, got lots of praise for it, I was the smart kid, always the smart kid.

The first year I finished high school I was scraping by with 50s and 60s and it was honestly devastating to me because if I wasn't the one who passed with 90s and above without trying anymore than what was I? It felt like my whole sense of self was crumbling around me. I honestly thrived on that aforementioned praise and when I suddenly didn't have it anymore it was awful.

Enter this shiny new label that affirms my disillusionment with the school system and society, and affirms my identity as someone special, and places that specialness completely outside the school system that I don't fit into anymore. And god does it all feel good. I can't say that it doesnt stir something in me, that it doesn't resonate with me, but I'm not the kind of person to just accept something on a feeling alone. When I think about it more, I can't help but wonder if it's all real, or if it's just something that came along and said all the right things at the right time to make it the perfect idea for my brain to latch onto when I get too scared about not being that gifted kid anymore.

And I get that in it's nature, being a starseed is not something you can prove or disprove with a hard test. But I only want to be authentic to myself. I feel like I match up with a lot of the traits people tend to mention, but I'm afraid that's all it is, matching up to a list of traits that makes me feel good with nothing else to it. if nobody can tell, it's hard for me to just have faith in something :P

Has anyone else had these kinds of doubts? and what, i guess, affirmed it for you? what made you certain, what gave you that faith to be able to claim being a starseed as a part of your personal truth?

you are someone. your worth is intrinsic to your being, it exists within you.
for you to look outside of yourself for the thing that makes you valuable is
the mistake.
it's fine to have doubts about things, and to conduct "reality testing" of
ideas, to see if they comport to your understanding of how stuff works.
[if there's a disconnect, it may be faulty info, or an opportunity for you
to expand your consciousness to accommodate new thoughts.]
when you're exploring something like "starseeds", it may be more useful
for you to consider how the descriptions fit with you, rather than how you
fit with them.
what you are is too dynamic and expansive to be encapsulated by a few
words on a page.
:smile: