Can I Affirm My Love into Becoming Different?
 

I still love this guy with really bad issues. I want him to change so I know we could have a nice life together. But he is totally unwilling. We seem now to clash and he acts like I am an abusive x. He is in all defensive instead of taking responsibility and growing mode.

I will affirm that he can change...I guess we will see if his inner being cooperates and he changes.

*No these are not frivolous changes. This is VERY SERIOUS RISKY LIFE BEHAVIORS I WOULD NEED HIM TO GIVE UP to marry me/live safely and much more law abiding way.

Ah, those fatal words "I want him to change".

Hopeless. As you say, he is totally unwilling. You want him to be something which he is not. You can spend a lot of time and energy trying to make someone change, but he will only change when he is ready to.

This is not a recipe for a happy relationship, let alone a long-term marriage.

I am reminded of something I read along the lines of:

Women marry men thinking that they will change.
Men marry women thinking that they will not change.

Peace.

affirm but sometimes loving means letting go

I just wanted to throw this out there.
One time I couldn't stand a certain guy...this was decades ago.
I didn't like it either, that I couldn't stand his personality...we clashed.
So what happens ?
I have this dream, he is the main character.
And wow, after that I liked him.
I mean the next morning! :smile:

Funny how things can actually change....and it actually can in another
person, too, sometimes they wake up about something...the stripes on a zebra can change.
I know it is opposite of what ,many think and say....but it CAN happen...
2 times now over night...once inside of me...another inside another person.
(The 'principal changing over night' story if you even find it here.)

*One of the secrets to influencing someone is talking to your spirit guides to talk to their
spirit guides. You have to have had developed a connection with yours...
well, it helps anyway, because then
you have this confidence in you propelling the outcome.
You know from past exp they hear you and will do it. It's their job.
And guess what, they signed up for up.

Example: Address them, then tell them, "Please talk to Mr. Smith's spirit guides
to influence him to sell the house to ME!" Say, "Thank you." You are similar to a Sergeant...
this is your life, see?

(You don't ask, you direct them to.)

Reading your post brought a few things to mind.

1) Reverse psychology; “Go ahead, be that way.” It has been a powerful way to cut an emotional cord for me. Once the cord is cut, sometimes amazing things happen. I do not always say this to the person, sometimes I say it to myself.

2) Talking with your “team” to talk with their “team” can still be ignored by either team. Yes? We may not like it,... It might hurt to see another person’s course of action or inaction.

3) Lastly, a good friend told me once, a medicine person won’t interfere with fate. Could this be the situation?

I feel for you Miss. H. :hug2: There is a lesson for you both, in this. :hug2:

My two bits worth.

I've heard too many young women say, he'll change for me. Or worse yet, if we have a baby, he'll change. Typically, he doesn't change and what you see is what you get and the perceived relationship ends. As far as I can figure, such a situation proved, to me, that a relationship wasn't there in the first place.

Sure, he can change but for what reason? I dated a guy who smoked and that aggravated my asthma so he quit smoking because of me which I appreciated. Eventually, we drifted apart and I saw him again a couple of years later. He returned to smoking even though he hadn't smoked for over a year. You see, he stopped smoking for the wrong reason. I'm fairly certain that if he stopped for his own health, he would've quit for good.

There's no beating free will. If he wants to make a change, he will. Sure, you can speak to your guides and instruct them what you want them to do on your behalf but in the end, it's his decision regardless of who delivers a message. After all the advice and/or influence, it's his decision. A question is, if he decides to stop seeing you, can you accept it and move on to find another who might be a more suitable match for you?

Perhaps directing your guides to help give you the strength and stamina to handle whatever he's going through might be better as you're in it for a very long time to see if he can even break away from whatever he's doing. This can be a very emotional roller coaster ride, not only for you but for him too.

Of course the choice is yours if you want to invest emotions, time, energy and effort on him.

Blessings to you.

Hi Anala,

Well, a Medicine person probably shouldn't interfere, esp regarding another person...I'm not a Med person so...
My take may be diff for some...

I'm the daughter of the King of the Universe realizing I am a Co-creator
by birthright
and don't need to have willy-nilly things 'just happen' to me.
The power of my will, emotions, words, thoughts, imagination, prayer and intent
according to God's Will can move mountains of obstacles, heal and help friends in many ways. :smile:

Of course you can affirm it, but the changes you want to see are unlikely to materialize. He doesn't want to change for you.

Speaking to your guides and asking them to speak to his guides MIGHT have some influence over him, and help him WANT to change.

If you go that route I strongly suggest you go about it from the view of "I worry about him. He is involved in negative things and I worry about him, please help him see how serious and negative these behaviors are."

Not from the angle of "I want him to change for me, so that I can build a life with him." Maybe that isn't the goal of his lifetime. Maybe obeying laws and settling down isn't what his life is all about. Perhaps some rebellious voice deep inside him resists playing it safe and doing the right thing. He has the right to choose. But his guides might nudge him to adjust his way of thinking a bit. Maybe. No guarantees.

On the other hand, I wonder if he wishes you would change for him... Not sure where that thought came from, but it feels like a legit question.

Well, with the words ...''unlikely to materialize', if allowed to become your belief ...surely, that will be the case.
I never ....never...never ...go into a healing or anything else that something 'might' come about.
A double minded person can not expect anything to happen,
that is anyone with doubt.

This comes from James 1:7-8
For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

What does this mean? Expect nothing if giving double signals.
You may ask for, say, money, but inside you are sending the message...'But, it will never happen"
or
"But I don't deserve it."
or
"It happens to Bob, but it won't to ME!"
or
"Oh it's impossible!"

2 confusing messages are being sent out...so
Nothing happens.
Even if you think it 'might'...that is so wishy washy ...it will never come about.
That's just the way it is...even James knew it.

***

Changing someone ... changing yourself

You wish to be together and happy

So cease control

Embracing love ... Divine Love, envelope yourself and your loved one within it.

Doing so before sleeping and immediately upon awaking but then never in between* (* otherwise it becomes a web of clinging desire ...) leave it up to the Universe to do Its will.

Divine Love being unconditional, nonjudging and spontaneously outpouring irrespective of circumstances, is a definite power which however can be wielded only if our orientation and fulcrum is as such ... free flowing in self existent inner joy.


PS : I forgot to add ... the seeking of connecting with each other is of the divinity within both of you ... let that manifest in its full glory!

***