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LolKat 19-06-2019 05:56 PM

Not Sure Where To Post This!
 
I've kind of been lurking in different forums, but there are so many, y'all! :confused:

Anyway, I was hoping to get tips, tricks, stories, ideas, articles...basically all of the things regarding self-esteem. I have a family that is very conservative and religious. And I care what they think about me. I know they often discuss (gossip) about other friends and family members, and so I feel as though every action I take is seen as a bad thing. I worry about this with strangers, as well. "Do they think I'm weird?" "Should I keep my voice down, or not speak at all?" etc. etc.

How does anyone here deal with self-esteem issues? How do y'all (yes, I'm from South Texas, I can legitimately use that word lol) stop worrying about what others think of you?

Sorry if this is the wrong forum. Like I said, there are just. so. many. :icon_scratch:

WildHairedWoman 21-06-2019 06:27 PM

I learned by the time I was in 5th grade that it was a compliment to be called "wierd". You are unique and have to learn how to be yourself without worrying what others think of you. It may be hard, I don't understand it as I have always been the kid who asked "why is the emperor not wearing any clothes" type.

It is very freeing to get to the point that other's opinions of you don't matter. Even as resistant to authority as I was from the start, I still wanted people to like me, but I found out, some will never like you no matter what and if you try to be someone you are not you will not be trusted. So, do your best the way you know how and if you get gossiped about by your family or strangers know that is an indication in lack for them, not you.

It is all mind games, you have to figure out how you are ok in your head and don't worry about what is going on in anyone else's head.

JosephineBloggs 21-06-2019 07:38 PM

I like the saying that it's none of our business what others think about us.
People will think what they like anyway, there's not a lot we can do about it. So best to get on with our own business.

ketzer 21-06-2019 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LolKat
I've kind of been lurking in different forums, but there are so many, y'all! :confused:

Anyway, I was hoping to get tips, tricks, stories, ideas, articles...basically all of the things regarding self-esteem. I have a family that is very conservative and religious. And I care what they think about me. I know they often discuss (gossip) about other friends and family members, and so I feel as though every action I take is seen as a bad thing. I worry about this with strangers, as well. "Do they think I'm weird?" "Should I keep my voice down, or not speak at all?" etc. etc.

How does anyone here deal with self-esteem issues? How do y'all (yes, I'm from South Texas, I can legitimately use that word lol) stop worrying about what others think of you?

Sorry if this is the wrong forum. Like I said, there are just. so. many. :icon_scratch:

I grew up instilled with the belief that everybody was judging and gossiping about me, and that it was pretty much all bad. It was just someone else pushing their feelings about themselves onto me, but it nearly killed me before I figured out what had happened. I don't think I ever really got the chance to develop self esteem, so I can't say it destroyed it. I spent my childhood hiding unknown and unspecified defects I never actually had, and the better part of my adult life trying to figure out how to get at and change those deeply embedded beliefs and stop them from messing up my life. So I get where you are coming from (or maybe even a bit beyond?).

Even if you do care about what others think of you, I have found it is nearly impossible to figure out what they really do think, and completely impossible to control it. So if nothing else, as a practical matter, realize it is a hopeless task and give it up. Whatever others think of us generally has far more to do with the eyes they are using to look at us then the way we look. Just as how we think we appear has far more to do with how we feel about ourselves on the inside than anything we do outwardly. At the end of the day we have to live with ourselves and who we believe we are, make peace with that fact and you will care far less about what others may think (of which you have very little hope of understanding or controlling anyway). As long as you can sleep at night that is what matters.

If you are spending time in a world with people who feel they need to gossip and judge others, then you are going to feel that they are doing the same to you when you leave the room. This works on your subconscious so there is not much you can do to protect yourself other then avoid being there or try to change the subject. There are people in this world who become uncomfortable with conversations that degrade into gossip, try to be one of them.

Most of the time those same gossipers are actually more worried about what others are thinking about them. We live in the world we create in our minds. If we go around gossiping and judging everybody, then that is what we assume the world is doing to us, and its not a good way to live. I believe the scripture is "judge not, lest ye be judged", not "judge them since they are judging you anyway."

Be the person you are comfortable being and don't go around gossiping and judging others. When others start gossiping, change the subject, eventually they will stop trying to get you to engage. One thing I have noticed about people is that the ones whom everybody else seems to like and respect are the ones who don't seem to feel the need to gossip and judge others. They seem to be comfortable with who they are and accept others for who and where they are. They don't seem to need the approval of others, and therefore do not give others that power over them.

Tuesday 22-06-2019 09:57 AM

I would agree that you should live your own life and do whatever please you. Yet, there are circumstances where you cant do it but must conform To the popular opinion. Like a gay person living in a very religipus country Or family.
It is natural for you To want To please your family, but do it wisely. Find the middle ground.

ketzer 22-06-2019 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuesday
I would agree that you should live your own life and do whatever please you. Yet, there are circumstances where you cant do it but must conform To the popular opinion. Like a gay person living in a very religipus country Or family.
It is natural for you To want To please your family, but do it wisely. Find the middle ground.

Quite true. I find that doing what pleases me most often means moving with the current unless I find that there is something worth swimming upstream for. I may not care what they think of me, but I may care what they may or may not do to me, or for me, and so I make my choice based on what I think is best to do for me. I cannot control the thoughts and actions of others any more than the weather, so sometimes I use an umbrella, other times I choose not to go outside, but those are my choices, made for my reasons.
The gay person in an oppressive family or country has to weigh what is important to them and make a choice to stay and conform, try to leave, or not conform and face whatever the consequences are. In the end what I suppose we are after is not so much freedom from having to conform because of the opinion of others outside of us, but freedom from living with the shame inside that tells us we are not OK. There is nothing wrong with the gay person, only with the society that condemns them for it, knowing and understanding this is a degree of freedom in itself. That said, it is a hard thing to fight off the shame when everyone around you condemn you, harder still to find the courage to openly defy them, so I would probably encourage the gay person to leave.

TerramineLightvoid 23-06-2019 06:23 AM

I have to believe in myself because I am alone.

JosephineBloggs 23-06-2019 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TerramineLightvoid
I have to believe in myself because I am alone.


It seems like that sometimes doesn't it. That alone feeling. I don't believe any of us are truly alone though. Solitude is helpful to develop important things in us though. Ready for when we connect with others.

TerramineLightvoid 23-06-2019 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JosephineBloggs
It seems like that sometimes doesn't it. That alone feeling. I don't believe any of us are truly alone though. Solitude is helpful to develop important things in us though. Ready for when we connect with others.

Correction. I think the most powerful feeling is when you recognize God's love for you. It will pull you out of the gutter and make you wanna fly against all doubt.

I'm not saying I don't understand the feeling of loneliness. I know it better than anyone. Maybe it's cause I'm male and have testosterone, but I just feel so much fundamentally better about myself when I affirm that I don't need anyone else but myself.

When faced with obstacles you have 2 choices. You either sink or you swim. I choose to swim and admit that it just cannot logically be impossible to be fine with being alone. I was before I ever thought of romance or sex. My passions are bigger than anyone's, but I have to face the reality that being powerful means walking a more constricted and lonely road.

Especially a Lord. A Lord is 100% active and 100% independent.

JosephineBloggs 23-06-2019 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TerramineLightvoid
Correction. I think the most powerful feeling is when you recognize God's love for you. It will pull you out of the gutter and make you wanna fly against all doubt.

I'm not saying I don't understand the feeling of loneliness. I know it better than anyone. Maybe it's cause I'm male and have testosterone, but I just feel so much fundamentally better about myself when I affirm that I don't need anyone else but myself.

When faced with obstacles you have 2 choices. You either sink or you swim. I choose to swim and admit that it just cannot logically be impossible to be fine with being alone. I was before I ever thought of romance or sex. My passions are bigger than anyone's, but I have to face the reality that being powerful means walking a more constricted and lonely road.

Especially a Lord. A Lord is 100% active and 100% independent.


When I said connect with others I didn't mean romance or sex in particular. Just in general. You're on SF to connect in some way, no?


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