Wanted to share this wise quote about love
 

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you,but it is not. It is an existential truth

Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other.

They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
~Osho

This is the embodiment of why i feel its so important to love yourself. when another loves you and makes you feel good. You're choose to react to it and feel good because of their actions. But if you break it down its still an emotion caused by how you perceived the other. so in essence the "love" you think is coming from another is really a result of your own perception.

This is a very prominent/notable quote. I do have to say as a side note however, its not the easiest quote to digest if you have not done the inner work or self development that is needed to achieve this level of awareness. I remember reading this same quote a few years ago pre divorce and during the height of a spiritual awakening, and I couldn't identify with the quote at all because I had a lot of emotional blockages and conditioned patterns I needed to learn to dismantle including co dependency patterns; all not uncommon with couples in long term relationships. The way I see it, I think we are all on different learning curves, and at different levels of awareness,however, I trust if we do the inner work, this idea Osho expressed is very much achievable, this includes allowing ourselves to feel deep emotional wounds, including the not so happy ugly emotions so we can transmute them..


Personally, I like the sassy version by Abraham Hicks ( cant help it she rocks with our woman audiences)

Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all.(Abraham/Hicks)

Yes, I know she is no Osho ;D Just adding additional positive content to the thread topic.

Thank you I've never read that before! And I appreciate your view I wasn't even thinking about it like that. But I completely agree. I was just blown away because I've been saying this same thing to others for a while now just not as nicely and quick. I'm definitely going to start reading Abraham.

Read this quote when i first made this post and loved it. but reading now, it almost if you knew this would resonate more now then the day you posted.

Very wise person you are Clover! :hug3:


Came to add this...

To complain is always nonacceptance of what is.
It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge.
When you complain, you make yourself into a victim.
When you speak out, you are in your power.
So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible;
leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.

Eckhart Tolle

Read Abraham with the understanding that they are likely drawing from modern science! I don't believe for a moment that their information is channeled! I've been reading a great deal in regards to recent findings, via the neural sciences of late, and have been paying close attention to the 'dates' of each publication. When I studied Abraham for a couple of weeks (videos and books) I was noticing that the "channeled" information seemed to actively mirror the most latest scientific studies, as the information was being uncovered. It loudly appeared to me that they were using science as a method for simulating other worldly content. I drew numerous outer conclusions about the business they are running, few of which are complimentary in regards to their assertions. I like that they are helping to broadcast some of the scientific realizations that are important to know, only, you can get the same information (in more concise and more naturally derived) if you invest time with the more terrestrial version of essentially the "same" information!

As to being alone you have no other option. When we think we're connecting with another we are stuck with the process of only projecting our own perceptions. You are alone, there is no other way of experiencing our current physical situation with any clarity. People may be similar in terms of believing similar things, or expecting results that are similar to our own, but there is no way you'll ever experience their lives the way they do.. nor would they be able to blend seamlessly with your own.

While physical, we are isolated to our own personal experience. We may 'align' with another, but never enter into anothers mindset as-a-parallel-experience.

It sounds like the quote is saying that you shouldn't enjoy other people's company because you are complete on your own.

We are social creatures, we enjoy spending time with other people and that's okay. We also need other people every now and then also, and that's okay too.

@Badcopyink, Sorry I missed your quote there and thank you, I was in a co dependent marriage for ten years, I think I learned a thing or two. :biggrin: I am still a work in progress.
Eric Tolle, like Abraham always has good pedigree doesn't he? Changing the thought, momentum in 'positive' vibration, almost all the same ...Vid link. Although, Tolle does a great job getting in depth with deeper topics like the conditioned mind

@Tuesday, it seems that way. I mentioned earlier, it really is not the easiest quote to digest, especially if one has not done the 'inner work' (and that varies from person to person, we are all at different levels of awareness). The quote is aimed at self love. I am a very social person and I love my family very much (extended family) but my emotions are not dependent on them, I am my own sovereign individual, on my own individual soul path. Self accountability is all as many of us are taught from a very young age of seeking something external to 'save' or make us 'happy'.

@Organic Born, totally agree. I always found Abraham speeches influenced by Eastern philosophies, Tolle or scientist like Tesla. They all ring the same almost. For me personally, whether her message is channeled or not, it doesn't really matter.. I can appreciate a positive uplifting message aimed to work with a persons self development, accelerating a person forwards . I am not a die hard fan to go further into her study, but I do love her quotes a great deal. Nice catchy feel good one liner quotes, haha

The "I've done more inner work than you"- card does tell a lot about a person.

"They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other. "

Of course you should allow the other person absolute freedom. BUT if my friend for some reason leaves me, I will become sad for a while. I think we need both the emotional freedom, and also the material goods that are given us. Yeah, if you're lucky, you could be happy dying in a gutter somewhere without friends or family, but most of us would be quite miserable. We live in a material world, and we need materia. If we didn't, we wouldn't be humans.

Your reaction and thoughts to your friends presence caused you to feel happy that they were there. They distracted you from yourself which causes presence.
You associate this with love. You also think they have caused this. When really it was your perception and thoughts that caused this. This is why osho says love cannot be given.

When they leave, you could also feel the same love you did in their presence after they're gone by way of thought. Or you can feel sad by way of thinking there is something missing. by focusing on them leaving and missing them you're taking yourself away from presence and dragging past experiences into future worry. Allowing yourself to convince you that you're lacking something that you had available prior to their arrival or departure.

And the inner work comment. If you scroll up clover states viewing the quote from both sides before inner work was done and after it was done.

I will venture on to add that I didn't read the osho quote prior but did read others about LOA and religion and thought anyone saying being whole and loving myself was a loon. Until I started doing my own inner work. And noticed how I find less fault in anyone and everything and I find more love in everyone and on everything as a result. Making me capable of not needing another's love. Keyword capable I still fall into old habits and go through emotions as I am always growing and learning.

This is really interesting I can definitely see both sides here, yes you do need to love yourself to be able to love another but there is also truth in what Tuesday is saying.

Sometimes we go through some really bad times in life, without someone there who truly loves you and shows compassion things could become really bad. If you are in a healthy and loving relationship then there is nothing bad about this, we all need a little help sometimes.

The problem stems from when we are completely attached and dependant on another, we control and possess rather than accept and encourage.

If we go down the route of being so involved in our own selves and detached from the other then it would also be impossible to have a positive relationship with another.

I see my relationship as a partnership between two individuals. Yes there are times we don't agree but we talk and compromise.

Really bad times are teaching us that we are not alone. That we need to love ourselves first. I agree during these lessons it is comforting to have help. But when help is there is it easier to ignore the lesson and latch on to outside comfort instead of finding that comfort inside or even better change the thought process leading to sadness? Change the belief that anger sadness and anxiety are a result of outside forces.

Some believe that we need to have dark experiences in order to appreciate the light.

I don't think anyone was saying those things aren't valid or needed. Just that love of self is all that is needed. (Which is not selfish) Once one loves self fully they will be more available to each moment. They will not be dwelling on past or future, Or what others think of them. They will be centered in the present. And when In the now they will actually be more available to the person that they are with. They hear everything that is said and unsaid. They will see every facial expression and pick up on all body language. They will be fully absorbed to what they are giving their attention to.

Even being fully present with your significant can be viewed as you loving them. Because you're so focused on them and the moment. But really it's a result of you loving you. Not them. And to the person being present there is no difference.

Its tone reminds me of endless mirrors all looking into each other - into infinity.

The quote to me is the same as thinking about "thinking".

I comprehend what is being said but I'd wonder if the writer has actually felt love.

Love is not about owning, its about respect first & foremost. Its like the writer has observed teenagers in love instead of looking at an old married couple who are happy.

UPDATE: I just looked him up .. a sex guru .. so yeah liked orgies.
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Osho wouldn't have written that without experiencing true love of self.
Break down what respect is. Not the definition, what the action is..

When you truly love you. And break down all illusions of your mind on the way you will see all as yourself and when you fully love yourself, you fully love everyone else and everything else the same. is this not respecting all constantly?

And maybe osho found his truth by observing an old couple who didn't require approval from their significant, who didn't require respect. how can you require or need anything if it's already being given?

Maybe .. unlikely though .. if it were an old married couple they would have had trust, security & complete history together.

Self "could" be interpreted as selfish.

If you believe that everything that you do is correct, wise, moral, logical etc then how can you ever be wrong?

In a relationship you have to compromise, how can two people compromise if they both believe that they are absolutely correct - but have a different idea?

These are the classic tactics of someone wanting as much booty as possible - "free love is about respecting our individuality" - yup you can do that & not partner swap.

I'm not judging - do that if you so choose but don't usurp the word love.

Just an opinion.

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I have no idea Osho is but I wonder if S/he was a long term single? I feel that the idea would be attractive to those that are single too. I can see why this would be important after a bad relationship/s.

Badcopy just because I'm in a relationship doesnt mean I havent been through hard times. Together we have been through the good and the bad and grown stronger together. Even in our joint birth charts it is suggested that being together will bring about difficult times in our lives.

Honestly if it wasn't for my partner I wouldn't be here writing this now. I would have probably given up :-( he gave me strength when for once in my life I could no longer be the strong one.

Compromise is never needed. That thought is exactly that, a thought.
Compromise in a relationship means to give up a want. When you're not busy thinking about what's needed and required of the other neither party will need to compromise. As both parties will already be in agreement.

I say this jokingly: No - it's about finding yourself - it's all about self!

It's a clever way of saying that to be truly enlightened - you have you focus on your needs, I really don't understand where selflessness is in all this?

At least martyrs die for a cause - living for you is just selfish surely?

Maybe we are missing the point somehow?

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OMG - it's just so selfish & not plausible.

We say to children, say please & thank you - don't snatch.

But there are adults that think that giving up a want is not necessary in life?

No wonder the "self" people all fight with me - they all want theirs without giving any in return.

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So me taking care of myself is selfish?
Me learning to love myself is selfish?
Me improving myself is selfish?
Me becoming better to better help others is selfish?
I'm seeing what your getting at. but are you seeing how you viewing another improving them self as being selfish. is in itself selfish.

How can anyone truly love another if they don't first love them self.

:thumbsup:

Aw Badcopy :-( without compromise there is no relationship, just two people at war with each other.

If you love yourself why would you need to improve? In the context of the quote if everyone is in "self" then how can they have empathy as it is all about how "they" feel in any moment or situation.

Self confidence can be earned, that's valid but being self confident because you have come to believe that you cannot make an error is arrogant.

People have to compromise - "I want all of the turkey" means that if two people want the same turkey there will be a fight.

Compromise is sharing - selfless is giving the turkey away even though you want it.

Who is filling peoples heads with this greed is good ideology?

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As I said.. Some believe that dark is required to appreciate light.

No one is arguing this. Or your path?
I'm curious as to why this quote is making you feel as though the author didn't know love? or wasn't in a relationship? Maybe you should do some research on the guy your trying to belittle in order to make your current understanding less threatened.

I'll reply to you and king here.

The child should be taught that he doesn't need the others possessions as there is enough for all. He should be taught he has all he needs already and that taking another's will not result in him feeling better?

Why is there need for empathy if all of humanity loved self?

One person needing the whole turkey is selfish? one that feels the need to own everything is not loving self.

this boils down to loving self. you're trying to spin his words and so far you're bring up scenarios where both parties do not love self. to find flaw pleas create a scenario where both parties need to compromise when they love self?

Nobody is threatened - he's dead.

If someone is considering following the sex guru because they think that the quote is profound & might lead them to "love" it is only right to point out that perhaps he has another agenda besides "love".

If I wrote a quote supposedly about birds but describing a fish pointing it out would be a reasonable thing to do.

I made my assessment on what he said & THEN I researched the guy & found out that he is known as "the sex guru" & promoted free love. It doesn't make him a bad guy but he isn't describing love just orgies.

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The "self" people fight with you because you fight with you.
You are constantly at odds with yourself and you keep running from what you need to learn. you need to learn to accept yourself. once you do, you will accept others. right now you do not accept others. this shows by your need to correct everything to your way of thinking. to bring everyone down or up to your level of thought.

Some people need to learn the wrong way in order to recognize that it was wrong. so let them learn.

My perception of the quote, the way I perceived it, is growth from pain. Self realization. Either you identify with the quote or not, no need to argue. That is why it is important to stick to the original post. It was a shared quote.

To add, you can't condition a person to to your own liking, certainly not their own self awareness. We would get threads shut down every day if this occurred. So let's do a temporary cool down and let's not have a repeat of yesterday were a popular thread was shut down. I like to read a sound and instrumental discussion that various in opinions offering mutual respect, not a one sided heated debate. This is not what the forum is about