What are the traits you most admire in a partner ?
 

What traits do you admire/ want to see in a partner, lover or friend ?
Also what traits to you are a turn off ?

persnltys sesness of hummmr u need a 1 wi me u di

Admire:
their ability to leave peacefully without bringing their current partners or exes around

What do I look for in a woman???

Smart, educated, loving, sweet, fun, even tempered... loyal and see's us as a team....figuratively speaking has some balls and backbone.:biggrin:

Beautiful! Curvey! Sexy! Big brown eye's and dark hair.....

Oh wait....I married her!

Turnoffs??? Biggest one is being dumb and uneducated.......a beautiful girl who's dumb as a post might be okay for ...uh....an evenings entertainment so to speak....but no one i'd stay with.....

I admire strength and courage.

Strength: A person who knows what they want and goes after it with such fierce determination. Allowing nothing to stop them. They don't look around for others to blame for their failures. They pick themselves up and keep going.

Courage: "Yes, i am afraid. Yes, i feel hurt, vulnerable, and alone. Yes, i'm confused and need help." To me that is an example of courage. Allowing yourself to be open, vulnerable. Being honest with yourself and how you express it towards others.


Those are traits i admire but i'm not sure if those traits are really necessary for me in a partner. Perhaps one with whom we fill each others gaps. Someone who can put me in my place when i'm being reckless and childish with my life. While i help her to take more chances in life and explore the unknown.

What do I look for when interviewing a new, um, victim? applicant? (Aside from appreciating a copy of his latest bank statement?) :D

Likes:
Honesty, reliability, ready to meet his commitments, supportive nature,
good social graces, smart casual, generous smile, pleasant eyes,
an interest in the arts/music, creative, charitable,
openmindedness (he'll need that with me), enquiring, a happy drinker

Dislikes:
Preachy, Lecturing, self-centred, tied to social conditioning,
romantically pushy, beard and/or stubble-faced, confronter, mind-gamer,
obsessive, abrasive, obese, smelly, poor self-discipline, laziness.

For a possible partner. The interview could take a couple or three dates! :D It would have to develop into an easy friendship first and I'd have to like him.

Edit. In truth I think you just get a "feel" for people (in the mind, not a physical feel - at least, not on first meeting. LOL. Those days are over, shame but how it is!!) Just if you think you like someone, give him a chance.

^^ Latest bank statement sounds like a good idea. :D

I'll take the one who has little money (just enough to get by) yet seems to be living it up over the one who is rich yet spends almost nothing.

Dude you are describing a drone, LOL.... :biggrin: i.e. totally capable and independent and highly skilled etc but happily plays the supporting "man" or team subordinate.
That is hardly fair to any live flesh and blood woman :tongue:
If she's got all those contrasting traits, and good on her, then she's allowed to have her own mind and her own opinions and to disagree. And to slot you into the supporting role equally, in every way that counts. That's what the balls and backbone are for, else it's a waste of good steel ;)

Let me ask you this...if her figurative pair is probably bigger than yours and she decides a true partnership in her view might differ from the role you see her in, would you still be good with that? What is she is the stronger one, aside from physical strength, and she simply wants to relax and let her pair hang free? Do you still need her to be sweet and fun, or is it ok if she is just real, authentic, sincere, caring, deep, etc., and yes, STRONG...whilst also being even-tempered, smart, etc? :wink: Is that ok and are you good seeing and describing her in those terms? As she is at core, all physical appearances/vulnerabilities aside...or is that not quite the place you had in mind for her? Just asking as I'm not saying I know one way or the other what you'll say.

What I mean is, you can describe a person and who they are in many ways...and IMO the truest ones are the most universal...they are those qualities which you could and would immediately also apply to yourself. And which you would readily choose and prefer to have others use to describe you. Would you classify your own lighter side as sweet and fun and curvy, or would you perhaps say more like "strong but kind, discerning and caring, and [you'd leave curvy off, right?]"...etc.?

Just some food for thought...
Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

turn-on...

-kind...above all, kind and patient...
-sensitive and perceptive of the pervasive discrimination and vulnerabilities that women and minorities of all kinds must deal with
-open-hearted yet discerning...
-has the capacity for authentic love...and the clear and open desire and ability to manifest it in ALL his relationships - fam, friends, partners, and strangers.
-emotionally generous...
-seeking, open-minded and tolerant of others...walking his path with intention and ownership
-a true gentleman, meaning gentle of heart and powerful of heart...
-NOT pushy physically, not insulting of my intelligence and my integrity
-immune to the politics of hatred and anything seeking to subvert democracy and the unique value of every being

turn-off...

-lacking the above positive traits....
-lacking the ability to see me first and foremost in the fullness of my humanity, as a person and as a beloved friend, equal in every way to himself except physical strength
-lacking the capacity or stamina to get to know and befriend a woman simply as she is before expecting & demanding full carnal knowledge, as if sex comes first or sex is all that we are valued for
-to restate the above, treating women like prostitutes, dehumanizing us and degrading us with these behaviours, assumptions, and perceptions


:hug3:

LOL!!!!
My wife is all of those things and then some! But a drone??? no way!!! and her pair is figuratively speaking....occasionally bigger than mine...... and she definitely has her own opinions and will disagree when she sees fit to do so

Me??? I can be sweet and kind....but no one who knows us would say I'm as sweet and kind as my wife is.....not even close.....

Curvy? No one would say that about me!
My wife on the other hand is nicely curvy!!!

The fact is that after my failed first marriage..... I did in fact think long and hard about what kind of woman I wanted to be with..... I found her and after more than 25 years I can say that we are well matched and very good together!

Err.."sweet and fun" is what you said. I suggested other neutral terms which didn't imply someone who is submissive and subservient, meaning, you could use them to describe anyone with those same traits, but (IMO) in a more respectful way that honours their dignity :D It's not about whether you think you are as kind and caring as your wife -- certainly, our culture has not schooled most men to think of kindness as powerful or central to a man's character. And yet it very much is. Kindness needs a serious upgrade in the eyes of most.

It's about whether you would use the term for yourself or any other man you esteem and deem it acceptable and good. If so, then it is OK in my book to also use for a woman. If you think it's a "limp" term and you would never use it for yourself in public, then clearly it's not something that you personally prize for yourself, and it should never be used to describe anyone else. I'm not sure if you understand that, but it's a crystal-clear insult to do. Jim Crow terms come to mind, and reserving special terms only for women and girls is barely a step above this, if at all. This is how folks get mentally downgraded, controlled, patronised, disrespected, and ultimately dehumanised.

So now we come to sweet and fun. (Or "playful" or other too often sexualised terms). Those who are in charge don't have to worry about being in a state that is pleasing and soothing to others (sweet) and being entertaining to them, or not being bothersome (fun). That's for lackeys and stooges and sidekicks, traditionally. Or, slaves, servants, and/or women. Suppose that's why I prefer kind and caring, and most definitely would apply to both men and women of character.

Re: curvy and that not applying to you...hahaha....well, I think the vast majority of women would be labelled curvy relative to men. So you can leave this one off in my book, or not, as you wish. You could just say I prefer women and we would get the point. I don't like to read a laundry list of physical traits or colouring preferences etc...but that's me. Many women could fit the exact same physical bill as your wife...probably the majority of women on earth, LOL.

So I would hope and trust that had your wife been sportier with different colouring or what have ye, you'd still have loved her. Meaning, they weren't on a laundry list and you came to love the person. I know I am aligned with a reality that's not yet come to be in many ways (LOL), but IMO don't think the physical list of traits is necessary because it's impersonal and you can slot in a million others who fit the same bill physically. I get if folks say I like a sparkle in the eyes or warm smile or someone who has a presence and is present with me...but I think you know what I mean.

Thanks for sharing and letting me share too. I really believe all this exchange and reflection is very important for men and women to understand how to see one another's full humanity. In particular, it starts with how we see them within our hearts and minds. Words carry power and help to shape our realities, for all their limitations. When you change the words, you can begin to see how some words are or feel diminishing or controlling, whilst others seem powerfui or perhaps more neutral. Sometimes we can't tell and that's when conversation with others is so important...because words are used in community with one another.

Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

You have spoken my mind. If someone is just after how I seemingly appear to them physically, or because in their mind women are just these mere object to massage their silly ego, then I have NO respect for those types actually.
Physical beauty is flattering but there is more to a meaningful relationship than that and what really keeps a relationship alive.

Imagine if one of my friends only wanted me by how I was on the surface and were to belittle me because I 'looked' a certain way or were even to compare to me because I looked a certain way. That would mean they want to exploit me. I think that kind of a relationship and person is shallow. It would be a complete NO to me if I were to be on eggshells because of anything superficial or on the surface. I cannot cater to people's strange/ selfish egos really. Acceptance and trust is very important in any partnership.
Sometimes we don't click with others, but we respect them still because they aren't superficial. That's a different thing, but the above stated qualities are what I would never want in anyone close to me.

Call me old fashioned but I have no use what so ever with gender neutral terms......if I'm talking about a girl... I'll be using " girl words"...... same for a man....... thanks anyway!

Just a reminder to all members, let's stick to the original topic.





As a side note, this is a discussion forum not a debate one. If you would like into a debate type discussion please make a thread on the strong opinions section.
Preaching, trolling, debate type posts will be removed.


Kindest regards,

Clover

Hey there Lucky,
TBH, I do think it's very odd that you or anyone would think that certain words are "girl words" and certain words are "man words". What I mean is, these traits are ALL human traits and they don't belong to just men or just women. No one owns them. When I describe the traits I love or desire in a person, kindness is at the top, and I'm definitely speaking about men.

My 6 ft 13 yr old son is one of the sweetest, kindest, and most tender-hearted people I know. And I think it's utter rubbish and quite tragic that men don't feel safe freely using these terms for themselves to honour those aspects of themselves that enlarge and strengthen and glority the generous heart. To be considerate of that, I suggest using a term like kindness not to be "gender neutral" but to be considerate of folks' feelings on all sides.

I also think it's tragic that many men don't feel courageous or safe enough to honour and recognise the courage and strength, the intellect and clarity and leadership, in women. I think it's the flip side.

That's why it was heartening that you did mention intelligence and strength are key traits you looked for in women (and that you found!). If you hadn't allowed yourself this space, you'd still be (most likely) stuck with the sweet and fun (as that's seen as socially mandated by many) but without the steel and the self-possessed mind of her own. It's all about the balance and the mix, isn't it? :D


Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

Partner-

1. Kindness- I am tired of being called names/ treated poorly.
Which leads to 2. Respectful, of themselves and others.
3. Honest- Goes hand in hand with being respectful, and kind. I don't like to be lied to or manipulated.

That is really all there is to it, for me. It has been impossible to find lately, impossible standards for people.

Friends

1. Kindness- I am tired of being called names/ treated poorly.
Which leads to 2. Respectful, of themselves and others.
3. Honest- Goes hand in hand with being respectful, and kind. I don't like to be lied to or manipulated.

3 and 4 same as before.

That's it in a nutshell folks.

Turn offs: Someone who is too serious. I wouldn't want to be around someone who is always so serious. I also don't care to be around someone who is always complaining and gossiping behind people's backs. Which is pretty much my work environment. Constantly talking about politics would turn me off too. Self Righteousness is another huge turn off. As is constant passive aggressive behavior.

yes i tend to forget this but some people live in energy dramas I would want to stay away from those , its not my world . so partner should not be in energy dramas as I am not in them . life is just one happy affair of having fun and doing as you like , for questions ask guides all else is good , the joy of just living life and be happy always seems so simple, well it is for me

LOL.........how's this? turn offs: folks who only list turn offs but don't list any positive universal traits. Hahaha....ok, just kidding.

BTW I have known a lot of very lovely serious folks. Many folks are more serious in heavy situations, too. Love and safety can allow many folks to laugh and relax, whereas bad circumstances and dangerous places can affect the mood of many.

In many countries, particularly where they are repressed, politics are central to what is wrong with their entire lives. Discussing it is a subversive, dangerous, and freeing act - an act of insurrection and liberation, at least of their hearts and minds.

Re: gossiping and passive aggressive stuff, most would agree....don't date folks from the office as it's too often rife with some of these types and you can see exactly why it's such a bad idea to do much of anything at work but work :D If you have a trusted friend or two there, that's a real plus, IMO.

Just saying...I think your list is probably a bit harsh IMO regarding many folks who are serious or who consider politics, as it is so often dependent on circumstances for many, though not for all. Some are born jokers no matter what, but folks vary.

Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

A very nice post IMO, and a very nice list. Agreed :hug:
Peace & blessings,
7L

Beautifully said...agreed, neither would I :hug:

Peace & blessings,
7L

Kindness, caring, honest, helpful, and loyal are the best traits there are.

My partner has almost every trait I could possibly want in my other half. He's gentle, forgiving, loyal, intelligent, passionate, dedicated to a better future.

There are some qualities that he has that sometimes feel like deal breakers for me in our hardest moments. Sometimes he's very selfish, passive aggressive, and stubborn.

Usually the stubbornness is a defence mechanism towards what he perceives to be as criticism. He really can't handle anything that doesn't flatter his ego and therefore gets insecure about that. He'll often say things that aren't true in these moments to save face or something, which I don't understand because it doesn't ever save face to be prideful and then finally be humble days later, after I've wasted precious energy trying to understand why he says things that aren't true in those moments.

I suppose it's a matter of seeing what someone's lower self is like when activated. I believe most people exist in some form of the lower self or matrix. There are tiers within the lower and higher selves, and most operate somewhere in the middle of the lower self. When at our worst moments, chances are we will stoop to the lowest of the low. I've seen this in him and in myself, and if I were to judge these characteristics and apply them to our whole I would find myself unable to transcend those moments.

I think I'm getting a bit off-topic or am at least jumping around a bit without any specific examples to explain. Basically, I'm in a continual process of trying to accept and not judge the horrible traits of the past whilst moving forward, and one of the worst qualities I've personally experienced in my partner (or any partner for that matter) is the lack of progress. It's this lack of putting everything into bettering ourselves so that we can arise from the atrocities of lower self that forces me to be held back in turn.

I love my partner immensely, but during times of strife I see a circle of patterns repeating over and over again despite my attempts at change because he is not aware of the cycle. Or if he is aware of it, he's not doing everything he can to prevent it. Or if he is doing everything he can to prevent it, he hasn't reached the point where he finds success. After a year and a half of this, I have a hard time believing he's doing everything he can.

That is the only real quality that I wish my partner would not have. I spend hours before, during, and after an argument explaining the habits and the patterns only for him to hold onto the comforts of the lower, base self. I hope that he'll find the inspiration and correct pathways to really transcend this pattern, because it's exhausting.

mostt inprtin 1 is perssntly it cotss it duz
plus sense of hummr
dnt caree wot tnyy lkok lk
its wots in sids partnr conts it duz

How about this? Turn Offs: Folks who aren't attentive enough to read the positive traits i listed on page one. :wink:


I don't care if it comes off as harsh. These things are turn offs for me. I'm not categorizing them as bad people or anything.

Hahaha :D Ok...I checked and I see you listed "strength and courage". Sounds good. IMO, if you don't deeply admire your partner as well as desire her, it is always a short-term approach. So listing these things is most helpful for us, so we know what's important. Based on this, IMO it sounds like weak and spineless will not be good for you in a partner.


I'll try it another way. Maybe it's best to reserve a bit of judgment about things that you can't really know or understand about others without getting to know them really well, like someone's true nature and character. Perhaps if they've got to know you a bit and got a drink in them, their sense of humour is a good as anyone's. I've seen it myself many times.

Or at least, perhaps consider saying less about it in public? So that you yourself don't come off as narrow-minded or superficial, which probably not at all your intent. Just food for thought, of course :wink:

Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

I'm simply listing things that turn me off. I've yet to judge anyone's character. I'm not looking to date anyone on or offline so my post shouldn't really concern anyone. I'm too busy fulfilling my passions so its hard to really commit to anyone. And if a person is interested in me, its wiser to start off as friends before getting serious.


I'm pretty sure many wouldn't make such a judgement about me. How narrow-minded that would be of them. :biggrin: Its not something that concerns me though.


I guess it depends on what is considered as weak and spineless. I wouldn't know what type of person would be good for me or i for them. I can only understand my preference. My likes and dislikes.

I know i've mentioned i don't care for one who is too serious but that doesn't mean that i don't want a person to take the relationship seriously. This time if i do get involved with someone i want them to take it seriously. No more games, no more lies.

He loves me as I am, I can be who I am with him and I am loved.

Hello

Having had only two men in my life as partners I can see the best and worst in what is out there to have and to hold.

First and foremost I so feel that for any relationship to work you have to be that individual being first and and then let someone in to complement that person you are. Too many times we search for someone to complete us and it that relationship fails we are lost in the mist of nothingness.

The best "trust, respect, boundaries".

The worst "isolation, abuse, control"

While I would not wish what I had in my first 33 years on anyone in a relationship for me it was part of that Soul Contract we seem to have when we come into this lifetime.

It was never founded on LOVe but on that power struggle of control and being kept under the thumb so low down that at times physical death would have been the only way out. Yet out of this I grew into whom I am today and I have whom I am with from the journey.

When you live controlled you do not see what life can be like, you bond to that persons needs and you go with them on their journey, from "H" and back many times, hoping each time they hit "rock bottom" change will come to them. It never does if they do not see their errors.

For me it brought forth three wonderful kids, it showed me places very few get to see or would ever want to see in life. It took me to the edge of death a few times and in the end gave me the power to break free.

What I have now is the rarest of connections that Mirror Twin Flame, that other half of the original seed that we were when our souls came to be. So connected that is the path was not understood it would drive most insane. So connected that we know the other's thoughts before words are spoken.

Both of us came from relationships of abuse, his childhood was that of abuse where mine witnessed it but was not a direct part of it in my family but relatives of the family line.

Lots of healing and lots of forgiving even the most horrific of events like being set a light at the age of 4. Forgiveness is the root of all healing but not to forgive and forget, to forgive and release that person to higher hands of Karma and Justice in the Universe.

What I have now is the that cup of coffee presented to me without expectations. That gentle and loving touch without it being forced upon me. There is a great difference in having sex and making LOVe. There is that place in intimacy where for that moment in time "two become one" in that moment of supreme and rare bliss.

It is said that timing is everything, two ships can pass in the night neither seeing the other. This too could have happened in my life, others saw us, but we did not see us. It too a life changing event to show us both LOVe and that place of freedom. Hitting rock bottom to rise from the ashes. Sadly many can not rise from this darkest of places.


The phrase "love conquers all" is derived from the following phrase in the Latin poet Virgil's Eclogues X.69: "Omnia vincit amor et nos cedamus amori." It means "love conquers all, let us all yield to love." The beginning of the phrase was subsequently translated as "love conquers all" by Geoffrey Chaucer, an English poet of the Middle Ages, and thereafter passed into popular usage.


Lynn

And are you prepared to love him in the same way?
Are you ready / willing to make compromises?

I must admit if I asked a guy and he said "I want to be loved as I am, I can be
whom I am when with you and that you love me." I'd say on yer bike, matey,
because I think adaptation has to come from both sides.

Ah - good one - uncomplicated list - excellent!

Thumbs up, dude.

Their ability to tell the truth clearly.

Yawn, hahaha :D No need to defend any of this on my account.
I've offered my opinion purely for your consideration, that's all, no more and no less. This is what I was trying to say on that...

If you are ready to be peppy, pleasant, and/or non-serious as a rule, then IMO you are free to request it from others as a rule. Same as any other trait you prefer or admire in people and in potential friends, like strength or courage. Of course, that's not a 24/7 "guarantee", hahaha...but it does at least speak to your integrity.

Otherwise it sounds like (you may not intend this, of course) you perhaps are looking to be/need to be minded or entertained by someone. Someone who needs to be in a certain kind of mood or who must display a certain type of behaviour to pacify or please you. I'm not saying folks don't do this all the time or try to (LOL), but IMO no one is "the king of the world" and no one gets to stipulate any preferences or demands that they themselves are not willing and able to freely offer. You can also try substituting something else, like "kindness" or "honesty", to get this point.

Moreover, generally, a one-sided approach is probably not going to attract the self-respecting and/or the types who would be "serious about a relationship", including real friendship. You've got to be willing to walk the walk and give what you're seeking, particularly in the 21st century.

Again, just food for thought, purely for consideration. You'll figure it out, no doubt :D

Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

Hard not to sound defensive when i see misconceptions about me.



Yet you continue.....


I haven't requested anything as a "rule."


If that were the case, i'd be actively looking for a relationship. Did you seriously read my post?


I'm not expecting a robot and i don't know where you got "king of the world" from. :confused:


Honesty would fit under courageousness and kindness (when used unconditionally) is a trait that turns me on, not a trait that i admire. Humor is also another trait that really turns me on but i don't admire people with a sense of humor.


Yes, i can see that. Though it seems like some people are often overlooked and not taken seriously regardless of how seriously they take the relationship.

yaaahhh
 

I want him to be centered and down to earth. Observant... cute.

7luminaries & ocean breeze should date.

Apart from the logical loyal, honest etc...
- Able to love (as opposed to attach from ego/fear/whatever)
- self-confidence
- empathetic
- able to see other's point of view
- regards & treats women as equals
- eagerness to develop (personal growth)
- able to communicate openly
- masculine energy man
- able & willing to commit
- understanding emotions/feelings
- able to deal with emotions/feelings (mine, his own, other's)
- his need for personal freedom is balanced by a healthy desire for ''together-time"

In short this would be a loving, caring, warm man with a strong personality. He has his own views, yet is respectful of others'. Supporting and cherishing his partner. Able to give, initiate, follow through, and able to receive what his woman gives in return.

Off-putting
- controlling
- abusive, albeit emotional, verbal, mental, physical
- immature
- poorly developed ego
- disrespectful of women
- overly logical / analytical (kinda like Spock)

What stands out to me is that almost every woman mentions a man who's respectful of women...
Goes to show we aren't there yet when it comes to balancing masculine & feminine energies.

Not taking themselves too seriously would be a big one for me - not to the point of excessive self-deprecation that makes me suspect they've got serious self-esteem issues, more in terms of not needlessly creating drama and being overly sensitive to criticism. Emotional maturity and self-honesty are also a must for me, I've little patience for people with fragile egos these days. Also knowing their own mind whilst being open to alternative perspectives, considerate of the needs and feelings of others, and committed to personal growth.
Oh I'd pay to see that, be like WWE I reckon - elbow-dropping each other, smashing chairs over the other's head and what have you :eek: :laugh:

^^ Oh gee, i hope you don't think it will come to that. I try to reserve elbow dropping, chair smashing, and pile driving for at least the second or third date. :wink:

Edit: spelling.