Fights and violence when I was a kid
 

I am not sure where to post this, so it will be done here:

These days I have been thinking about my life and why it is that some people experience so much violence and distress when growing up.

Does it have a purpose? To prepare you for life and for what is to come or just that you are a helpless victim of the circumstances of life?

I remember that I started fighting other kids when I was in 1st grade (even my brothers would make me fight other kids my age or sometimes older kids, claiming that they wanted to teach me) and my fights this did not stop until I started in high school. In my mind [at the time] it was all in self-defense but I know better now to know that I caused many of these fights.The peak was in 7th or 8th grade; it was hell on earth for me; I was in a boarding school and I would fight almost every day; it was almost a sport for us. I would estimate more than 100 physical fights in my life, which I think is a lot.

Sometimes I see kids that live in a good neighborhood, in a protective environment, being raised by loving parents and attending good/safe schools and I think of how lucky these are that will not know violence in their childhoods.

Sometimes I have this thought that my destiny is to fight evil and wickedness with nothing but violence, a sort of spiritual violence; to give them what they deserve. Not that I go around looking for trouble [on the contrary] but that the time when this will be needed will come ...

I get scolded because this is not, supposedly, what a good Christian should do, but I cannot help it. I believe in Jesus and I also believe that Jesus' return will not be like the first time; I believe that he will fight and destroy evil in all its manifestations

what do you think?

I can totally relate to this, I have been fighting other kids since I was like 4 years old up until 16 years old when things settled down and I changed drastically to a point where most people didn't want to mess with me any longer. Fortunately I didn't have to fight anymore since the age of 17 until now.

I don't think any of it has a purpose though, we're both just unlucky I suppose.

Yes, maybe we are both unlucky ...

I find your avatar interesting. Let me tell you that I have had countless dreams in which I appear as a warrior angel with jet black feathery wings

That's why I have been thinking of the possibility that all these fights/struggles could have a meaning, that all these sufferings and trauma was not for nothing

I'm sorry to hear you went through such a tough childhood. I didn't go through something similar but I did a lot of fighting, about 20 fights, and I could tell it had an effect on my life that is very similar to yours.

I wanted to be a divine destroyer and kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Help the world, unleash my anger. However as I grew and evolved I learned that is not the way. I had to let go of my anger, and I did.

The energy that once fueled my anger and violence now fuels my love and determination.



A person only has so much energy. I urge you to aim for love. Try to use your energy to empower your feelings and expressions/actions of love, not divine destruction. Divine destruction, even though divine, still has to have a conscious victim. Someone has to experience hurt for you to experience divine destruction. Such an experience cannot be truly enjoyed by all levels of the self, but it can be enjoyed by some base levels. I don't suggest chasing such things, set your sights on something more high and pure. Unconditional love.


Also I don't think Jesus would come back and destroy all evil. that seems like a bad move to me. If he just split the world in half and was like "evil you get the left, good come to the right with me" haha, that would be cool with me.

You won't quite understand but it is exactly, what do you think. What was being thought. What we think affects how we think, emotion a thought that is amplified by 1x, 2x, and more. For instance the feeling of a surge of energy is quite literal, right. I think it can even be measured. Have you ever lost it only to say I shouldn't have done, I'm sorry. Yelling at someone is a form of violence called anger. I find it strange somewhat we have to ask since everyone experiences and is common in everyone.

Violence is aggression. It's purpose is a biological imperative, fight/flight. As instinct that and all emotions already exist within and are released generated in the chemistry going on in the brain. Emotions have a biochemical signature. But I also know for instance in whatever emotion I am expressing I am communicating.

Unfortunately such an emotion can become a habit, especially based on result. I tend to believe it comes out of past interaction. I tend to see violence as being a barrier and a form of logical thought (hardness) about life that was experienced. Violence is based on experience, as emotion is in our program ultimately a form of communication, nature.

It's about letting go which is hard to do because logic knows and it requires resolution. Resolution I think is the key. For me, I know it was how hard and difficult my life was which other's have not experienced, and gladly so. Simply the nature of a waveform releasing emotion designed to serve a purpose already there, it can kinda be seen to be balance of a situation.

Absolutely.

This is more a learned thing is it not, it is not what one does all the time where the feeling is you should not all the time. :smile: :smile: Training the mind. It is said thoughts created neural pathways, new thoughts created new physical neural pathways for energy to travel down. They are temporary at first.

Let love become a 2nd nature over the 1st, until it becomes the 1st.

A large percentage of my fights during my childhood were in self defense and in my opinion unavoidable; yes, I might have been the culprit in causing some with my behavior but I would say those were less than 10% and it was a behavior issue not that I wanted to fight per se;

I always thought the people tended to target me because I was little and smart

Ps: Lemex, you posted your message at 1:11pm :)

Sounds like you are imagining you're doing what Jesus would do.

Not really, I am saying that maybe that's what I will have to do if it is my calling. Again, I am talking about spiritual war, not in the physical world

If it makes you feel any better remember that Jesus took a stick to the gamblers and dealers in the temple.