Transforming your TF's pain?
 

I'm wondering... This afternoon before he went home again we got to talking about something that hurt him tremendously in the past. Something that still holds a lot of pain for him.
His pain was almost palpable to me, I felt it in my own body and heart, and I was hurting for/with him. It was so intense I had to cry, but I held the tears back. I did hug him, both because I felt he needed it, but since I felt the full whack of his pain, I needed it too.

Then shortly after that we got back to my place for another drink before he'd leave, and I had to cry. It was both because I find it hard to say goodbye, but also because that pain from what'd happened to him was still in my system and needed an 'out'.
He had to leave, more crying, which I don't like as for him that isn't nice, I mean, we had a really great time together, then there's me bawling my eyes out, but I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop it.

Two and a half hours went by, he was already home again, and suddenly I felt the heaviness of that pain had gone. I felt my normal self again, yes, with the missing of having him around, but not that gut wrenching pain of having lost someone you love (that's what it felt like). That had gone.
Phew, relief, can tell you that! It was far from pleasant, hihi.

I knew what the cause was, and that it had nothing to do with me, but it took me more than 2 hrs to shake it nonetheless.
And I found myself thinking: Do you -maybe sometimes- help transform the other's pain? That's what it felt like to me, that I was transforming his pain, or part of it at the very least. Crying the tears he cannot cry or hasn't cried and thus cause him to still carry that pain with him.

I phoned him to let him know what had been going on with me, cos I know he always feels rotten when I am sad when he leaves. So I explained, asked him if he sometimes feels the same way when I through old pain. The answer, yes.

So the question... do TFs (help) transform each other's pain? I never read about that, although it would make sense. You're so closely connected. And picking up on the other's pain is one thing, not asking about that, you even have that with a non-TF partner. But transforming it is another thing.
Anyone ever read about that?

Yes, transforming is a great word to describe this... I remember the first time it happened for us. It was an out of this world experience, because it was more than sharing the pain. It was healing... as a matter of fact, I think it defined what we have now. In the last couple of years since we've known each other, I have come to know a type of experiencing pain that I now understand as his -I did not always know, it was confirmed repeatedly though and associated with a specific type of pain he has to go through. And I too, sometimes, feel he does the same for me.

Thank you, Selene!
Yes, it is more than just sharing or picking up. you get that with any partner, or a good friend even at times. And with my TF I sometimes have that too, but also this deeper thing, which I do think is transforming. Healing the other's pain, or part of it at the very least.
I think maybe that's also why we were both so tired after he went home. Because that was weird too.

Did / do you have that as well when you transform his pain? Being tired afterwards I mean?

Yes, during those times, I do feel tired... however, I don't think that it is because of the healing effort or the transformation of the pain. Besides other things, feelings like the ones that usually such events raise can be exhausting on their own when they come up. I'll write more about why I think it is happening on the relevant thread you started, Fairycrystal :hug:.

If the pain is really strong and deeply rooted and if that is the first time that pain has come out for you both to heal, it is not surprising that you would both be tired after this. Don't be surprised if the pain comes up again for you both to heal if you did not completely zap it the first time around.

What surprises me is how fast twinflames can heal each other when they are not completely pi..ed at each other. And recurring pain, when they both get the hang of it can be zapped in seconds. It is quite miraculous really.

Now you mention 'in seconds'... I had that happen once. An old insecurity came up in me, I told him about it, very shy, hihi. He reassured me there was no need for that, and it was gone. Never really came back either, and that had been a deep rooted thing in me.
Thanks!

Thanks! LOoking forward to that.
This is stuff that is hardly ever addressed in the TF community, and interesting for sure!
:hug3:

Maybe youre an empath. If you maybe transforming his pain somehow, do so without expectation....if you are dealing with something yourself, address it. But if youre not let go, as if you are an angel in disguise :)

Yes, I think I am an empath. I also sometimes think I transform things for the collective. Not entirely sure, but sometimes feels that way.
Oh well, I guess we're all equipped for whatever we have to do in life, haha.
:hug3:

I think this is one of the most significant role of a TF connection. On one hand we always hear about how we are mirrors and we bring up dark, unhealed aspects of each other. This can repel us from the connection, but I also think that when we are apart, a lot of healing is done around these issues and I am sure this is what contributes to the confusion of the 'runners' (sorry to label!)
The ultimate mission of TFs is to awaken and start to heal ourselves and in turn, humanity, animals and the planet (I believe!)

Right from the start of knowing my TF we triggered each other really badly amidst the euphoria of knowing we's met someone really deeply soul connected. We've had time apart and we are still apart, but we keep in contact via messenger. He has healed my low self esteem by 'rejecting' me (in my eyes) time and time again...but he has explained it's HIM who is scared and nothing to do with me, which has healed me from these fears. My attachment issues..I used to panic when I didnt hear from him for a few days...oh he's forgotten me, I've done something wrong, etc but now I know that's not true. It's part of him, he needs space to think about things and always comes back with words like 'I miss you so much' and 'I felt lost without you' In turn, here are so many ways I am healing him by being a constant friend and support...by being his lover and best friend in one he is turning his though patterns around and learning to trust in love again. We tell each other all this.
My cat died on Saturday and he loved her. I had a cry to him and told him I felt guilty for not knowing she was ill before...he then told me about a dog he had and the guilt he felt for exact same reason...we talked it through and I've lifted 10 years of guilt of him by just being his mirror. It's unbelievable this connection. Hell and Heaven!