Putting an end to a horror story
For eight years I allowed a very messed up man online to destroy every part of my dignity and integrity as a human being, to the point of becoming severely sick physically and mentally shattered. I became incapacitated for years and was surrounded by a very negative environment with relatives or alone feeling abandoned.
I did believe in twin flames, not anymore though, but I do believe in true love expressed in romantic relationships or in other forms.
I met this cold blooded person in physical for a few days and afterwards, my life almost ended for almost three years, the worst ones I remember. On top of that, I was drained by other negative people online and I broke free.
I could not stop fully the discontinuous lapses of communication with this person because of blackmailing and my circumstances. I believed maybe one day things would improve.
I acknowledge that my case is very severe and that I am a survivor of all the things this man and other people did to me. I did want to die for years and spent hours everyday alone in my room trying to heal myself of the constant darkness everywhere around me.
I attracted too many negative entities.
However, last year, I decided to break free. I removed negative people from my life, both online and offline, moved to a new place for myself and started a new job.
Now, things are much more positive for me. The people who surround me are a lot more positive now, after doing the most intense clearing and healing process that lasted several months, along with work that I had done before during those dark years.
I found out so much horror this man was doing on purpose behind my back to destroy me. His argument was always that i was to blame for his darkness because of bad things I did to him in past lives.
I do not doubt this man is still involved in heavy stuff online, drugs and who knows what else. Everyone was to blame for his misery, especially me. I gave everything I was asked for, to the point of losing my dignity.
I think that after finally closing off my heart and shielding myself, he might have understood that he lost me. I have now opened my heart to the best of my soul.
Perhaps part of me still had the idea that maybe, after some time, this man would change. But I was shown only a few days ago the most brutal thing I have ever seen. I thought that it was only about his past lives with me coming to chase me and not him in the present moment.
In meditation, in this vision, I saw him crystal clear, wanting to choke me. He was wearing the same clothes and his face was the same as how he looks like or looked like recently, not anymore something related to past lives.
I could not take out the vision and the feeling on my neck the whole day and that night, I wanted to really die and give up. My health was again really bad and no matter how much I was meditating and having a better time at work, I could not cope with this anymore.
"Is there love in my soul I can hold on to?"
Then, all of a sudden, I was shown this purity and whiteness. From it, a version of me emerged and spoke to me, and told me she is my I AM and that she is made of pure love and that she is vast enough for me to feel her everyday and feed on her love."
I held on to her for as long as I could and felt this incredible love filling all my being and then I was not only absorbing all this love but also a new sense of peace invaded me, along with a silence of mind and heart I had not felt before.
I felt renewed and I was able to regain some health.
I saw some negative aspects of myself, like past lives, becoming totally absorbed and transmuted by this intense love, like pure magic.
She continued speaking to me and removed beings in spirit form that posed as guides, but who were actually draining me, including the energies of the man who had tormented me for eight long years.
Since then, I feel better, but I still feel the wounds and negative energies coming from this man. It is easier to remove everyday and shield myself though. So I know the nightmare is not over yet but at least I have not heard from this person physically in a much longer time.
My I AM or Higher Self told me this brutal vision was really needed in order for me to really see who this person is and why I was treated like that. Sadly, there are people in this world who cannot come out of deeper levels of darkness and hatred. It was needed for me to see this in order to transform, let go and to hold on from now on to the reality of my soul, the true face of love within.
I still feel sad though, that I never had the opportunity to form a family, to be loved and accepted by a partner, and having met so many fake friends who ended up being just frenemies. However, this form of love motivates me a lot more to discover how far I can go if I can tap on a more regular basis on the real nature of love within and turn it into the fuel to create a life with dignity even if that means remaining single from now on.
For those who are single, what makes your heart sing?
Harsh though it may have been, it sounds as if you've learned a lesson. You'll know what to avoid in future.
Very true. I am no longer willing to fall back into the naiveness of feeding this monster. I am back to square one with my physical conditions and my deep depression because a few days ago again he decided to try to contact me. It only took three short emails to fight but I told this person clearly that I really do not want to be contacted and things that I could not express before.
I cannot feel at this point anything other than hatred, as harsh as it sounds but the degree of damage during that time was so severe that for too long I lost my will to live. Again I feel that way except that I try to recover a bit in order to work. I will try to meditate and see if I can connect again to my greater Self and cry. For some reason I cannot even cry. I cried for too long. Then this person comes and continues wanting to play victim, even after all the damage, he destroyed me in too many ways and destroy every dream I had in life.
I cannot believe someone can be so sinister. I had never met before someone as sinister as this person. This person has caused so much damage to others and is so full of darkness.
I feel lost again, and the worst part is that it takes me a long time to start recovering before again this person comes with all kinds of sick manipulations and the worst part is that if I do not reply at least something letting him know to stop pretending and to stop waiting for me to be like before so that he leaves me alone it becomes a lot worse.
The best way to put an end to the horror story of dealing with an emotionally stunted individual of a sociopathic nature (a state well documented by science and proven by brain scans for nearly 2 decades now), is to simply stop reading their posts/stupid letters & emails.
I am well versed and well equipped at protecting myself against such sadism, even online. And while the two states (sociopathy and sadism) are not considered to be co-morbid, i.e. they are entirely separate diagnoses, they certainly can and do also occur simultaneously in the same individual(s) by chance. I can spot such an individual quite readily. Our sweetness is like a light they are drawn to, to try feed off of. They think they are invisible, and that no one is witness to their 'secret' pleasure, and sad and pathetic little games. :rolleyes: But those kinds of games aren't going to work on those of us who can see through it. :smile:
Good for you. :hug3:
Yes I am more aware of psychopathy or sociopathy in this person and anyway when you learn to uncover all that darkness when you are no longer willing to feed them then they become cynical.
I was too young when I met this person to even understand the depths and magnitude of such darkness.My innocence and dignity was shattered to pieces.
I'm very glad you've overcome it and in time I hope it's just the past, entirely. I can relate to much of what you wrote and I'm currently going through my version of it all. I too, feel like a puppet on strings that is not allowed to have my own life separate from her.
I've self-isolated and detached myself from frenemies in over abundance as well. They've always fed off of my positivity or support and alienated me when there was a sense that I ever needed it in return. So, I can relate greatly. Especially to your latter statement of forever being single to avoid all of the turmoil.
I'm trying to see all of this as a blessing in disguise, perhaps that should be applied to you as well. :)
Try to stay hopeful, yeah? :P
Absolutely they do
Understood. The subject lights quite a fire in me. I am glad you are getting away from him. :hug2:
Wow, bluetimetraveler, you opened your Soul in that post, and I found it very moving.
You seem to have done a wonderful job of getting free, inwardly. It takes a little while to re-build the shattered things and heal, so there might still be some periods of weakness or uncertainty. Never mind them, but I am just saying, so you won't feel upset if at times you feel little "slips" in your strength. Keep going....
Anyway, it is blatantly obvious you do need to do something pro-active on a practical level. What is he doing emailing you? Haven't you closed your old email account and opened a whole new one? That is a pain to do....so many contacts have to be informed. It can take a while to catch up with them all. But it would be a great move.
We can all live well without social media. So if you have any accounts that he knows about -close them and go cold turkey. You can always open new ones if you wish? With a completely different username and a "friends only" area for your real contacts.
Take details of those contacts you really want to keep in touch with, and let them know that from now on you will be emailing them, or contacting them on another venue.
Think of any other ways he can connect with you and cut them off. You are not obliged to say even one more word to him.
Thank you dear Ciona.
Dear Tobi, yes I started detaching from this person when there was a bit less control. I could not stop replying because many years ago I gave to this person a weapon to destroy me, in the form of a tool by the means of blackmailing that I never thought could be used against me. If such tool was to be used against me, it would have lead to a much worse outcome in my life.
It is impossible to get rid of my main account for professional reasons but as long as this person does not contact me in a very long time I continue removing astral attachments and just any chord that could bring him back. I get to hear less and less fro this person for longer periods of time and more now that I really stopped giving any expression of love. I was fully blind by the fear of this person releasing the tool and also the fear of abandonment and cheating, something that he did anyway. I do doubt now that I will even reply to something in the future.
However, I have been falling back to depression. Conditions in my job changed in such a way that I am having less and less contact with people and my horizon looks too empty. I really feel bad because I am already reaching my late 30's and as bad as it sounds I never spent a special date with a partner, even less have a family on my own and in my job most people are married couples and some really look very happy together. I have no friends at all because I wasted my time with the wrong people, so I do not see a future that looks any brighter at the moment.
SiKux...I hope that some day I can feel positive...I have been meaning to say something else.
I will try to connect again to my I AM. For some reason I feel like I disconnected.
She told me that I am still afraid to connect to her because I will have to face more in depth the fears of abandonment caused by several people, but I really shall do this as to come out of the depression and this current outlook.
I hope to feel better soon enough.
spiritual motivation for scary people
Hey there, thatís a great question. There are actually many ways to improve your thoughts,but now the time you should contact the God..
i think you understand what i am saying...
|All times are GMT. The time now is 04:23 PM.|
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums