How could I miss someone was bipolar? Is it a soulmate-thing?
one of my believed to be soulmates was bipolar and people would say he would have periods of being deeply depressed and then being up and about, high life, would be doing dumb things like cheating, drinking too much, sleep too little...
They have said I am sensitive. Could two sensitives make both of us more "stable" because truly that was all I got from him. Could it be a soul-thing what happened with us? that it automatically made him more mood-grounded? I remember he was looking out for me. Later I found out that he had not felt as home, strong as when we were on, his own words but too how we were perceived. The two things that can now in the aftermath make me see things in new light is that he was a night owl and did not need much sleep and that in fights he would go black-or-white ways, and that's it. With bipolar I have read that can be typical symptoms. I remember then thinking he was spoiled from home and use to having things his way. He would too re think and change his mind (in my favor). It was unfortunately his black- and white way during a fight with me that I got dumped. He regretted it and acted as if it was not like that, but I was stubborn and proud and chose to march on without him. He tried to stop that. In all kind of ways. Now looking back I feel sorry for him. All I gave him then was my anger and pride. He was told I did not want to see him no more, by others too. He did not know all the tears I shed in secret. I would play indifferent. I think I tried to protect myself because it hurt so bad. Life went on. I fell for someone else that I became happy with. If I don't look at that fight and instead of everything else he did, said during our time together there were not any high and lows periods with him, the one thing his other girlfriends and friends and those he work with say were typical of him. His friends thought he was then on his best behavior when we were a couple which they had found funny. Was it all just a show? Was he trying to be someone else? How could he have hid it from me? I thought we were close, real close. Or could it be a soul-thing? Because we are soulmates (which I really think we were) that our chemistry made him more balanced? Or were we just lucky that he was not manic during that period? I will most likely never find an answer, but still curious if others on this forum has discovered something similar? Can soulmate have that kind of impact together? It now feels as when he was with me he became someone else. I just did not know what to think when the other ex girlfriends started to explain their relationships with him. I thought they must be talking about another man. Overall it had felt like a safe relationship, we did not need many times many words, we understood each other anyways. He was mostly considerate. Now, even though it has been so long, I feel guilt. What to do? Can't do nothing about it now. I think would his bipolarity had gotten so troublesome if I had return (not now of course so long after, but back then?) There were symptoms of one of his parents being bipolar too so he could have gotten it from that one, that he did not have much of a choice. He really loved his folks. What I have learn from it is I guess to have mature more than how I was like back then. I have now moved into stable relationship but he did the opposite. His other girlfriends were better looking than I was and I would have thought he would have wanted to go more "good boy" attitude with them than with me. There was nothing else different that happen after our break up, he had the same job, he was good at what he did for a living, same friends, no family member who got sick or died, so looking at it like that there was no crises to have push his borderline. The time frame with the other girlfriends after were about the same as with me so then it could not have been a question of time before we would have seen he was being bipolar. Part, if not all, of the lifestyle he led because of the bipolarity could be seen as to what killed him. |
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Hello, please accept my condolences. I quoted that part, because I have lived kind of the same experience. My dad was a chronical depressive person doubled with alcoholism, suicidal tendencies. I kept him alive (Like physically) for a few years. It's not the same I know, but I also am sure that souls, people, walk their own way, whoever is in their lives. I know, really I do. After my dad hung himself, basically one of the few ways I couldn't protect him from himself, I saw his "ghost" for about a year. Like walking to the bus stop and seeing afar a dude riding his bicycle, and the strong feeling it was him. So I know about the guilt. To be honest I was persuaded he faked his death to escape his dead-end life. The truth is, and I'm really sorry, but you couldn't have done anything better than you did. You were there when he needed you. You did everything you could. You'll feel better, I promise. Love & Peace to you. :love2: |
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God bless you :) |
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Um, well it's just a small fraction of the whole story, so... Yeah, hell and way worse. But you got the point. I came back, and so will you in time. That doesn't mean you'll forget him either. Of course you get to mourn him. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise ! About that spirit, maybe your higher self ? Or someone new to come in your life maybe, in the future. I mean if it was his spirit you would have probably sensed the energy signature, I don't know I do not want to speak for you. Then he gave you a bit of that strengh, because that's what happens with souls that share strong moments and stories, there's an energy exchange between both. Peace to you :smile: |
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Oh cool ! Have you been better ? :smile:
Oh well you know, just being myself there, but you're welcome ! |
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I sometimes see sign that I don't know if it is his spirit doing it, or my imagination so I go from oh, this is just silly to but what if...?. Then I think why would he bother, ha ha. Last time I meditated I suddenly saw him, unexpected, and because of the emotions it was like I snap away and I woke up from it. When I am in a meditative state I sometime get it like I feel the other feelings so much and at times it gets too strong. Usually they get all mix up so I don't know if it is all the other "person" or me or both... or imagination. Found out that he was actually buried in the clothes he had chosen for our wedding, friend said. But maybe he kept it because he had another girl. had ask her to marry him, but she said he needed to get his head on straight before that so. So maybe he kept it for her - their wedding instead. Anyway it does effect me that he was buried in it. It is super weird because I have had glimpse of past life memory where I was seemingly buried in a wedding dress. But at least in that life I was married. But I should be use to these strange repetitive things by now. It just is, it seems. I don't know what it means. If anything. Maybe just tradition. Practical. There was one secret I took with me from that relationship. That I did not tell him about. Remember I would try to tell him next time he call, next time he would come to the home. or next time I would get brave enough to contact him to tell him. But I never did. And when he did I couldn't cope. My mom was frustrated with me "You gotta talk to him! You gotta tell him!". I do wonder things like - if there will be karma for me because of what happen to him after the break up? Or if it is him visiting - how long will that be for? And why? And if he has a goose to pick with me because of what I did wrong? It is so strange. I am a grown secure woman other wise and at times when I think of this it is like I turn into a little girl again. One time he saw me after the break up and I swear, my shoulders went right up there. Could not get them down. Just look at him. As if I stood on the rail tracks and saw a train coming towards me. But I mean I know he was a good person and that he belongs in heaven. I'm just so sorry he had it so tough before. All the best :) |
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Good, because there's wholeness in duality. Quote:
I know the feeling, just a silly "what if" and then you go on with your life... And sometimes "it is". Trust your intuition, and with time you'll stop questionning. I know, easy, right ! :biggrin: Quote:
Well, about the clothes.. When people die, they sometimes leave a lot of mystery behind for us to ponder over. You should not worry, and just ask yourself with openness. Does it really matter ? I mean, there seems to be a connection there with you and the wedding dress. In the end, sure clothes are nice and all... But they don't make the people ! And as you said, traditions also have a play in this. Also about secrets, actions have a habit of exposing them in plain sight. So maybe he knew ! Maybe you could try and tell his spirit, you know, if at some point you'd feel like it. Quote:
For the karma, only you can answer. But you have to be open to it, right now you wonder too much. I mean I totally understand, he mattered to you, so much more than that. And if he has a goose to pick you'll know eventually, or maybe you already know. Again, only you can tell now. Also, I think it's pretty good to feel like a little girl, it's your inner child, with it's beautiful innocent look on things. No expectations, just happiness. Openness and growth. Once you get in touch with your inner child, and you manage to "cohabit", things seem to come easier. And I'm sure he is in heaven, but you shouldn't be sorry for him having it tough, I'm just assuming based on what you told me about him but he didn't seem sorry for himself ! Also, reading you made me think about an episode from a show called Black Mirror, maybe you know about it. There's an episode called Hang the DJ which gives a look on questions such as "how long is it gonna last" etc.. I think it could help you. It really is a beautiful story by the way. To sum it up, I have zero doubts you'll feel better and grow. Like I said before, you already have all the pieces, you just try a little too hard to watch them instead of seeing them. And again, if you want to PM me or keep updating this post I'll keep my eyes peeled :smile: Peace to you :hug3: |
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Guess I have taken it bad when hearing he had thought that he was never as strong and and whole and confident as he felt like in our relationship but could be too because I was truthful, did not play game, was sensitive just as he was sensitive, but if I should take a bet on who was the most sensitive of us it is hard to say but by an inch I guess he would take the lead. But hiding it. But he couldn't fool me. Guess I did not deal with any of this when we broke up so long ago. Couldn't deal with it. So now it's time I guess. I check the program and I agree with you on that :) I will try to meditate and see if he shows up for real on the other side so I can apologize. If I will totally fail at this which is a very good chance, e hum, I have to think of something else to mimic the procedure. Even though funeral is over and there is a grave I still feel I have to find another place, another way to do it. It just feels as if that is their place, his family, friends, his last love. Not someone like me who was out of it. Besides I'm happy now with the life I have now, with the love I am with now. But despite the pain I'm still happy I met him, my ex. I will treasure the good, make that count with those memories, and throw the other bad ones in the bin. All the best wishes |
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Yeah, I really wanna watch it now :tongue: Well one way you could achieve that would be to trust your inner child, the innocence that comes from that little girl. Also, if you accept that you can "fail" contacting him, you also accept that you might very well succeed too ! Maybe you need to find another place then, one that'll make you feel comfortable. That's heartwarming really, seeing the gratitude you have ! |
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