Am I crazy or did I meet my Twin Flame?
 

I've recently have been searching online for answers on to what I am experiencing lately and the only thing that I can come up with is that I am either crazy, I'm suffering from 'limerance' or I have met my twin flame. I have been single for about a year and my last relationship was really something that I cannot even describe with words. I'm sorry if this post is long and I hope people wont get discouraged from reading this. Basically I met a person in 2008 on an online dating site, I wasn't really looking for anything serious at the time because I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship which was with my first love and I was still healing at the time. Now I never really met her in person at the time, but I indeed chatted with her a couple times(online), and to be honest I had no idea how much this person and I had in common, it was unreal. Basically it felt like I was talking to myself, she liked everything I liked from music, art, cartoons etc. Needless to say, I never met her in person, and I honestly lost contact with her and never heard from her again. All I knew was her first name and the town that she lived in. The reason I even messaged her in the first place was because I used to live in the same town she lived in when I was a teenager. So I was quite familiar with her town, and I for some reason always felt like there was something in that city that I couldn't quite put my finger on, I always felt like I belonged there. I eventually moved on with my life and dated other people, but for some reason I never actually forgot about her. Every now and then I would always think about her and wondered what ever happened to to this girl that I clicked with very well and saw as potential person that I would see myself with.

It wasn't till the middle of 2009 that I had a lucid dream about this person,and in the dream this person was my wife and we lived together out somewhere and we owned a record store of some sort. I found it strange that I even dreamt about her because for one, I hardly ever have dreams and two, I never even met this person ever, I only knew her through a picture and those conversations that we had online. I again began thinking about her but like I said I couldn't and didn't have a way of even contacting her even if I wanted too. Anyways I ended up moving on with my life and didn't think anything of it. Come 2010 these thoughts about her kept approaching me and I couldn't understand why I was so obsessed with this person and had such a pull on me whom I only knew by just by pictures and and those couple of times we spoke to each other online. So around July 2010 I worked up the courage to do a search of her first name and the town that she lived in one of the social networking sites and I eventually found her.

When I found her I didn't message her right away because she had a BF and honestly which till this day it hurt me up to a point where I cried over it. Again I did not know what was going on with me and why I even cared so much in contacting this person, when I'm a good looking person myself and possibly can get any other girl if I wanted to. But something within me said just message her, so I did. She remembered me and she wondered why we never met and I told her that honestly I didn't know, we just kinda went our own ways. During this time I was respectful to her relationship, we never met because of that, I was just glad that I was able to reconnect with this person. But since she had a BF I myself move on and dated someone else. We emailed each other back and forward and that spark was still there, the same one I felt when I first contacted her, but I didn't want it to go anywhere out of respect of her BF.

Around Dec 2010 she finally texted me and told me that things went bad with her BF and that they split and that she was willing to meet up with me and finally meet in person. At the time I was in a relationship I was planning on getting out anyways so I ended it because I have always been monogamous and didn't want to go behind anyone's back just to meet someone. Since I was just transferred to another campus(I live an hour away from my school) which happen to be 15 minutes away from her home so she ended up dropping by my school one evening. So there she was the person I've been meaning to meet all this time whom I developed feelings for, straight from pictures and through emails was right in front of me. I couldn't believe it was her.

We hugged and immediately kissed each other and for once in my life I felt complete like I was home, and honestly I felt content. She explained to me that she thought about me just like I thought about her and that I made her feel something that no on has ever been able to, and I told her the exact same thing. I really don't know what happened but we immediately began going out and by the third date we told each other that we love each other. Everything just felt right like we were meant for each other and it all made sense why there was such a pull that I got from her. We honestly felt like we were together in another life and we were so happy we found each other. I never believed in reincarnation because I was brought up christian, but the feeling that I had made believe in the whole concepts of past lives. And I was finally happy after being in all those meaningless relationships because I was finally able to love again. And this time it felt like it was more than love, when I looked into her eyes I was lost and I saw myself through her if that makes sense. I really don't know how to explain it, I just had my intuition telling me "Here she is! She is the One!" and I believed it because she felt the exact same way.

One day we got into this argument over the phone and I was really struggling financially at the time, and I didn't have a car and I realized I didn't love myself, I felt like I couldn't give her what she wanted so I felt worthless. I tried to end the relationship before but I couldn't do it, because I loved her too much and I didn't want to lose her.

After 2 months our relationship ended around Mid Feb-2011-because of this argument that we had and she realized that she wasn't ready. And she felt like it just wasn't our time. I never understood what she meant by that and I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't budge, I was heart broken and I didn't know what to do. So I self medicated and just drank my sorrows away, I just figured that it was just an infatuation and that I got carried away with my feelings and just felt as if she didn't love me enough to want to be with me.
After our breakup I was really depressed and I felt emotionally dead, I felt like I lost my other half and literally couldn't function. So I drank to forget but no matter how much I drank, I could not forget what I felt with her. Ive been in love before but this really felt different. I was physically ill. After two months of feeling the way I did I finally reached out to her and told her what I was going through and to my surprise she was going through the same thing. So we ended up reconnecting because we realized that we both needed each other. But we didn't last more than 5 days together, she just one day told me that she couldn't go through this again, and she left me again and I was left clueless wondering what the hell happened. So finally we spoke about it and we both came to agreement that we both needed to work on ourselves because she felt we were both emotionally unstable, which I didn't understand at the time. We kept texting each other because we still wanted to be there for another and loved each other but it got to a point where I felt there was just cold and hot behavior. I didn't know what was going on and didn't know what we were doing and so we both just stopped hearing from each other and I just thought that was it. I decided to move on it hurt too much not knowing about anything and I felt like a fool because I felt as if I was being strung along.

July 2011-After a couple of months of not hearing from her Finally I asked her for closure and for her to just tell me to move on, and she wouldn't give it to me in fact, what she ended up telling me was that its best we just not to talk at all anymore because it made her feel really bad and that she wanted me to know that she loves me very much and basically she wanted to leave it up to fate weather we reunite together and I just felt like a complete idiot because she just would not give me closure. I decided to just move on, but no matter how many women I met or go out with she was constantly on my mind 24/7 and I just pretended I would eventually forget about her. But I didn't.

On September 11, 2011 on I went to her to go look for her and to get closure face to face, I felt maybe that's what I needed because she was still in my thoughts, but I went around midnight, till this day I have no idea what got over me to go at that time, I just felt it in my heart to go. Needless to say that she wasn't even there, so I decided to call her and tell her that I was in front of her house and I wanted to speak to her but she was out with her friends and wasn't coming home that evening and that she hasn't even been home in a month it was then where she told me that her life has been miserable since we split and that she still loved me and that everybody else that she has been going out with or meeting that I was all she thought about. She had a couple drinks so I wasn't sure whether she was telling me the truth but I told her that I felt the same way and still loved her as well and I didn't understand why she was torturing herself by not wanting to be with me. She then just hung up on me because she felt she couldn't deal with this at the moment and again I was left in limbo. On the one hand I was happy to know that she loved me still and was going through the same thing I was going through when I thought she had forgotten about me and moved on. But in the other hand I was left clueless again.

That same evening I was mistaken by a burglar by the neighbors around by her house and was nearly arrested and this added more drama to what already was going on in her life. Nothing happened to me since I was sober it was just the timing that made it a reasonable reason for me to get stopped by the police. But just the fact that her parents saw me getting nearly arrested in the middle of the night, just made me realize that it is completely over. I waited a week after the incident to email her and I basically told her that I was letting go because of what she had been putting me through and I basically told her that I love her very much and that I wanted to marry her but it just seemed like I was just a complete piece of a **** to her and that I felt that she just didn't love me the way that I did and that I was OK with it. And that I hope she gets her life together. Because I really cared about her. She replied to me by just saying that she'll always have a place in her heart for me, but she just felt like things were ruined and that she couldn't look back now. And that she wishes me the best. This confirmed to me that it was all one sided and that she never did love me like I did and I just replied to her saying that I learned what I needed to be learned and that I thanked her for showing me how to love unconditionally, and that what she felt with me she will never feel with others because what we had was very special. And that I knew that she knew what I was talking about(our soul connection). And that I didn't want to say goodbye to her in an email but that I'll always be here for her if she ever needed me, but from that point on she'll never hear from me again. I basically thought that this was the end of this chapter and that I could move forward with my life and I didn't expect a response, but she replied anyway. And this is what she said. "I want you to learn to love yourself and forget all the bad in your life, your so much better than that...I'll never love anyone like I love you, I know that. And I wont say goodbye either because you never know we might cross again."

I never replied to her email because I felt like I didn't know what to say, and I was hurt by everything. I lost her and now I had to live with that. She sent me that email in the end of September 2011. I never responded and don't know whether it would even have mattered if I did. I wanted to move on with my life, I have so much love to give than to dwell on someone who I felt didn't love me. But it is now February 2012 and I haven't forgotten about her, till this day she is on my mind 24/ 7 and I was starting to think that I was crazy, so I began googling and it sure enough guided me to acknowledge what a twin flame is. And when I read of what this was it literally was everything I have experienced so far. And Ive read other peoples stories and began to maybe think that she may have been a "runner". I keep telling myself that maybe I need more time to heal, but what it comes down to is that I have experienced what mostly everybody that met their TF on here has experience. I start crying out of nowhere, and sometimes I feel as if I just start longing for her. But like everybody else, I have my good days, and all of a sudden it hits me when I least expect it. I've tried dating other women but I cannot seem to move on no matter how hard I try. It's been a year already since we initially broke up(I'm not counting the 5 days when we reunited) and I still feel miserable after a 2 month relationship? This is when I start thinking that its all in my head and maybe I'm just "limerant" over a person. I really don't know what to do anymore, I haven't contacted her since the last email she sent me, because honestly I don't see the point in going in circles, or it's maybe she's moved on already and I'm just obsessed.
I pray for this connection to end everyday but I feel as it only gets stronger the more I'm away from her and I just feel so dead inside. She is the one who wanted this break up, so I see no reason in contacting her. I just feel if she is indeed feeling how I am feeling than maybe she'll realize this on her own as well and reach out to me right?. The last thing I wanna do is tell her I think she's my TF, when it really could be all in my head. Even though she once told me that she felt we were soul mates, cause she always felt it. I dunno anymore so sick of these emotions....Any feedback would be highly appreciative. I'll take any support I can get.

You're in the right place and thanks for sharing your story. Many of us have very similar experiences so I suggest taking some time and looking through some of the threads. Try searching for "runner" either here or on google and you'll find a lot of info that will resonnate with your experience.

It certainly sounds like she could be your twin flame. The timing is interesting because many of us "met" our twins in 2008 (strange occurence for so many to meet at the same time.)

I think it's worth looking into, and I think she's worth talking to.

As much as I can identify with people on this forum talking about their twins and their stories, I can't for the life of me figure out why they don't just call, write or drop by. Most have contact information. It's like a dance in early adolescence.

Thanks BL for taking ur time in reading my story. I certainly read about ur story as well and kinda relate to you exactly how ur TF was in ur thoughts 24/7 and u thought it was all in ur head. The only thing that I dont undestand is if our twin flames love us the same way, why do they torment themselves by running? this is something that I just cant comprehend....

I definitely understand what u mean, dont get me wrong I do really want to talk to her very much, in fact I think about it on a daily basis but at the same time if she feels the same way I feel then I want her to realize this on her own and open up to me and face her fears....ive read about runners and what it comes down to is that they need to figure this out on their own. since shes a Buddhist I am more than pretty sure she believes in past lives and spirituality. Another thing that I also looked into was that most twin flames are born on certain days. My birthday is on the 6th and hers on the 27th and those are 2 of the days in which many twin flames are born. But then again my ego kicks and just tells me its probably just a coincidence. Or maybe somebody just made that up....sometimes I wish I never met her, because its emotionally draining thinking about her all the time from the moment I wake up till I go to bed....I never knew twin flames have been meeting in 2008 is there significance in that year?

After i came to this site I saw the 2008 and realized ohhhhh.yep that is when i met mine. Now if i could go back and slightly erase the idiots i dated and just focus on him.....lol lol

You are lucky. you got to have a up and close relationship with her. I can only say stupid things and shake ;like a leaf and have an adrenalin rush so bad that once the moment of bumping into mine has past it takes a bit to relax. not sure about the dates of born you mention. i would like to take a look at the site if you know it off hand.

welcome btw :)

Thanks for taking your time in reading my story, and I guess I consider myself lucky as well as consider myself cursed. Or maybe I'm just crazy. Here's is the website that talks about the birthdates. .astrostar.com/TwinSouls-TwinFlames
So can you elaborate on the year 2008? Why is this year so common to most TF meetings? At this point I don't even know what to believe anymore but I do know what I felt And it was real and was reciprocated at one point.

well honestly the refusing to give closure alongside the rufusal to run in and be able to offer everything has pretty much been my story., and i know thats the thing that is the hardest to deal with
usually we have someone wanting to be with us or offering us proper closure
this is the big challenge.

I agree with you on that. Realistically if I didn't want a person in my life and had no feelings for them, I would very much be blunt and tell them wether face to face, by phone, or even by a very long detailed email kindly explaining that I don't feel the same way anymore. I think any honest person would do this as well, especially since its been that long since the initial break up. At the same time she may possibly not even be a runner and all this is probably just in my head. And maybe yours as well. I mean there really is no way to actually know if someone is your TF, not even psychics can answer this correctly from what I've read about in many peoples stories.

The answer for the 2008 connection is somewhere on here lol I am not sure its been 4 years since then. lol