The path of destruction and pain
 

Not much love for Shiva these days.

Guess that goes without saying though. What living being doesn't resist it's own destruction? hahahah. the ones that don't are not here anymore.

Everyone else is one foot in the grave. Halfway there, halfway not.

Shiva stands for renewal through destruction of past samkaras or unconscious tendencies by meditation, and contemplating the nature of death.

By contemplation of the nature of death and the dead body, one expands one's state of consciousness easily. This is why most Shiva worshippers put ash on their forehead, to remind themselves of the inevitability of death.

Here is an article and saying by Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev on the nature of death....





An another insightful article by Jaggi Vasudev on the same subject of death...

thanks for the article links. guess most people can't see past the word death, its just too scary for them, even if no death comes to them just a transformation of consciousness.

Namaste, Shivatar.

I'm sorry I only visit SF for an hour every week now, but it seems I have run out of things to talk about - exhausted myself within my own knowledge and experience - I am seeking to love and worship Lord Shiva more offline...keep the whole thing hidden...keeping it all 'to myself' because nobody else seems interested or even wants to know about it - so much for me being a 'teacher' eh?

Yes, there's not much love for Lord Shiva these days...but there never has been, really. Lord Shiva is always seen as being totally aloof, always in meditation, unapproachable...surrounded by his 'army' of demonic ganas...surrounded by snakes and other evil/vile creatures...easy to please, but also very quick to anger...and so, human interest has always turned to Lord Krishna (Lord Vishnu) or to a form of the Goddess (Devi) or to the sons of Shiva - Ganesha and/or Kartikeyyan.

The actual personae of 'Shiva' has lost all relevance and has become no more than an impersonal form of 'energy' or 'consciousness' or a formless representation of the human soul/atman as Brahman - a void of nothing wherein nothing dwells or exists and this realisation very closely approximates the death experience (or near-death experience) and in regards, Shiva is identified as being Mahakaal and/or Bhairava - the Lord and Master of time, eventuality and the dark force or 'dark matter' into which everything dissolves at the end of the pralaya (great cycle of existence).

Shiva not only represents death and destruction on the physical level, as in the case of the physical 'death experience' but also, as that which destroys 'ego' or 'ignorance' or all other aspects of our conditioned selves, so that only pure consciousness/awareness remains - only the bond with Shiva remains above all else, as we count every atom and molecule of 'star stuff' we're all made from, whilst observing all the galaxies and nebulae in the night sky as mere ornaments within His matted locks made from strings of unifying quantum particles.

To me (and to hardly anybody else), Shiva is a being in Saguna representation - and often a frightening and terrible being at that, but when I get over my total fear of Maharudra, of Mahakaal himself, the love and devotion I feel is totally incredible and all pain fades into a bliss of divine euphoria (but it's difficult to remain in that state for long). I'm taking time offline to meditate, align myself with Shiva more and rest within the core of my being a lot more than I do, so that Shiva's love for me can shine through more than it does as well.

I remember the time Shiva first came to me.....appeared before me and I was terrified of Vasuki around His neck...petrified of snakes I was! I wanted to reach out and touch Lord Shiva's 'skin' which was a strange hue of bluish, greyish, white...and rippling like the event horizon of a supermassive black-hole...not solid, but strangely dense beyond all density...I wanted to feel it, but Vasuki was hissing at me...unfolding his hood at me...I was all of 5 or 6 years old at the time...

Then Lord Shiva said to me 'if you don't show your fear, he will not bite you...he is only reacting to your fear...he senses it...so don't be afraid and you can touch me...he'll let you"...now that was a big ask of a young girl with a morbid fear of snakes...it took quite a few years before I got over my fear of Vasuki enough to reach out and touch Lord Shiva...

Then a few days ago, I was also lamenting there doesn't seem to be enough 'love for Lord Shiva' anywhere...Shiva not only represents death, but also life, in all its full glory...but it seems that Lord Shiva is the cosmic reminder of a soul's eventuality in the universal order of things and I also came to understand that we do not 'choose' to love and worship Lord Shiva...it is He who chooses us to do that and Lord Shiva is getting very picky and choosy lately.

Most on Earth do not even know of Lord Shiva...they seem to know about Jesus and Krishna and Jehovah and Buddha and all that, but as soon as I mention that I worship Lord Shiva, they are like; "who is that?" and the closest I can explain it in any way they would possibly understand it is comparing Him to Satan or Lucifer or even Hermes Trismegistus or Thoth from the Egyptian Hierarchy...and then all of the "OMG!" and "I shall pray for your poor, tormented soul" starts....little do they know or understand, my friend....little do they know or understand.

If I don't reply to this soon, it means I am doing practical things to forge the bond I already have with Shiva like titanium...like liquid diamonds...because I know that I am His! beyond and despite anything else, I belong to Lord Shiva and I don't fear death as long as He is there!!

Aum Namah Shivaya

I enjoy reading your posts and find you supersweet. :smile:

The forum would be soulless without your posts. :wink:


Not sure. But perhaps your writings here might be the outcome of an inner desire for service to existence or divine , and may have served as a cathartic release for you. All that rajas of service is now becoming sattvic which is a good sign of spiritual progress.

what practical things are you doing to strengthen your bond with lord Shiva?

Namaste, Shivatar.

1. I am going on Google Images, looking at beautiful pictures and artists impressions of Lord Shiva, Maha Rudra, Rishabh Dev, Kala Bhairava and Veerbhadra Avatars, as well as panoramas of Mount Kailash, Narmada River, Prambanan and Tanah Lot temples, beautiful Nepalese landscapes and everything that arouses deep love and beautiful emotions within my heart...then I go to the library, blow them all up to A4 size on photo quality paper, have them all laminated and stick them all over the walls of my bedroom and living areas....like everywhere!

2. I have been listening (almost non-stop) to the Shiva Chalisa, the Dakshinamurthy Stotram, the Sri Rudram and Purusha Shuktam and I'm chanting the Shiva Panchakshara Stotram all the time. The last shlok of that Stotram has become my latest mantra:

Yaksha swaroopaya jatadharaya,
Pinaka hasthaaya sanathanaya,
Divyaya devaaya digambaraya,
Tasmai yakaraya namashivaya.

My salutations to the letter “Ya” , which is Shiva,
Who takes the form of Yaksha,
Who has a tufted hair,
Who is armed with spear,
Who is forever filled with peace,
Who is godly,
Who is the greatest God,
And who wears the directions themselves as dress.

I have a picture of Lord Shiva on my bedside table. He is the last thing I see before I close my eyes to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.

3. Before I eat or drink, I thank Lord Shiva for providing the means and I'm getting into much more ritual lately...dancing, yoga, worship and meditation either guided or not and I dedicate it all to my Lord. I'm reading a few books right now; "The Spontaneous Healing of Belief: Shattering the Paradigm of False Limits" by Gregg Braden, "Shakta and Shakti" by Arthur Avalon and the "Magician Of The Gods" by Graham Hancock as well as studying the Emerald Tablets of Thoth and the complete history of Sanat Kumara and the Annunaki.

4. I also go on to Google Images and get Lord Shiva colouring pages (black and white) and I get out my colour pencils and gel pens and colour them all in...I have a folder full of Hindu/Shiva colouring pages which I have completed over the years and I also do 'Likita Japa', which is filling exercise books with writing "Om Namah Shivaya" in Sanskrit/Devanagari over and over.

5. I often close my eyes and picture Lord Shiva in my third-eye area, like watching Him dancing the Thandav in a movie and I pray that he comes to me...that He will show me how much He loves me...and two nights ago, I was watching a DVD called "The Secrets of Love" with Catherine Oxenberg and Casper Van Dien...and as soon as Marianne Williamson came on it and explained what Agape (God Love) felt like, I just totally lost it and collapsed in a pool of tears...because I can fully relate because I know what that feels like and all I've been walking around in Shiva-bliss ever since then, because I let go and surrendered...I let Him in/let myself feel it...whatever the case is there.

So, this is what I have been doing and continue to do since giving myself a break from the internet and deciding to focus more on Lord Shiva and what I feel for Him...expressing it in all the ways and through all my senses, so I can transcend them all again into Savikalpa Samadhi. This is what I have been doing off the internet, but I'm just visiting here while I photocopy Shiva pictures to hang on my walls (I bought another statue of Nataraja yesterday...that makes three!). lol

I also have to thank Ajay:

That has really touched me and I thank you for making me see this. :hug2:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5iTugfFvP4

Aum Namah Shivaya

You are our forum sister. What will we do without you ! :smile: :hug2:

I am glad that you are progressing and becoming more sattvic and equanimous.



Talking about pictures, here is a picture of Shivaling as taught by the female teacher led Prajapita Brahmakumaris.

They consider Shiva to be a point of bright light and incorporeal, and the same as Jehovah or Allah or Ahura Mazda.

I think it is similar to the bright light over your head taken in a superb photograph which you mentioned earlier. Could there be a link ! :wink:

ohh, building them brownie points with lord shiv ehh? nice. Tell him I said hello when you see him next. Tell him I'm coming for him *mean look* lol

for real tho. if you have a conversation with him ask him about me, I'm curious as to what he'd say.

Namaste.

That's a very nice picture of the Jyotirlingam. <3

It reminds me of the story when Lord Brahma and Lord Vishnu were arguing about who was the 'first' to arrive on the cosmic scene, and of course they called in Lord Shiva to arbitrate and settle that argument, as it were.

Lord Shiva assumed His own Cosmic form...an endless pillar of Light and tasked both Lord Brahma and Lord Vishnu to find the 'end' of it and whomever could do so would be seen as 'winning the argument' - way to go, Lord Shiv! :biggrin:

Of course, they could not find the limits of eternity and infinity...Lord Vishnu was honest about not being able to locate the limits of Lord Shiva's omnipresence...Lord Brahma arrogantly lied and in due course lost one of his 5 heads to Kala Bhairava - I mean, there couldn't be two Hindu deities with 5 heads - Sadashiva (for each syllable of the Panchakshara Mantra) and Lord Brahma (for each of the 5 bodily sheaths that mankind has) and of course, Lord Brahma used to boast about being 'equal' to Sadashiva in regards to having 5 heads, so an avatar of Shiva had to put that one right.

The other day, I also thought about the question of Lord Shiva being the 'destroyer' and the 'God of Death' and I recalled the lovely tale of Markandeya and wrote about that and also about Lord Yama's (the true 'God of Death') conversation with Nachiketas from the Katha Upanishad...I wrote a whole page/thesis on Markandeya and Nachiketas...but unfortunately, it's at home on my laptop and I'm at the library (where I don't have to pay to go online).:smile:

What I will do, is over the next few days, I'll either write out my thesis on paper, or put it on a USB stick and post it here, in this thread...and of course I'm still working on the quantum sephirothic values of the Sri Chakra/Yantra in the 11th Dimension using Bindu as point of reference...but I'm just doing that for fun. =)

It's about time I got serious regarding what I know and stop mucking around. *watch this space*

Aum Namah Shivaya

By the way, thank you for reminding me about that photograph - I had forgotten all about it! Here it is again, for reference:
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...60&postcount=9

Also, I'm just going to post a Lord Shiva picture below (because I can). For me, Lord Shiva is much, much more than a 'Point of Light' or a 'Ball of Energy' and I mean, he can be all that too - there's absolutely NO limiting Shiva into any form...any concept...even being a 'humanoid creature' or the 'God of Death' or anything our limited minds can conceive it to be - Shiva is everything...everything! however, it is in 'Human Form' that He first introduced Himself to me and it's 'His' Human Form that I find to be the most endearing quality and I cannot give that up - not that I would ever want to anyway - as it leads me to understand Shiva in all form - as Brahman Absolute as well.



Aum Namah Shivaya

Namaste, Shivatar and All.

With this post, you all shall gain an insight deep into my heart - my very core.

Lord Shiva is not only everything I could ever want and hope for in a God, but also, in a man. A being full of incredible love and light, but also formidable darkness, infinite mystery, incalculable wisdom and unbridled passion.

To be totally in love and enamoured by a Hindu Deva is a wild ride - of mind, heart, body and soul. He deeply touches me on all these levels! One moment, He can appear as Rishabh Deva, being the most handsome, courageous, powerful and potent thing I have ever experienced and the next, He takes the form of Mahakaal - to overcome the fear and terror of death and the unknown with His unending love.

Yes, He is the 'perfect man' for me. He can be anything that my heart desires (when He isn't teaching me a lesson). He can also be so incredibly cute that it boils the blood of this 'hot-blooded' woman. He invented Yoga (Aadi Yogi), He is an amazing dancer, dancing the whole cosmos into existence, He can play any musical instrument given to Him, but He prefers the veena and damru, and to hear Him sing just creates waves of ecstatic bliss.

Lord Shiva is also very passionate, extremely sensual (not sexual), is the master physician and healer, demonstrated by the crescent moon He keeps in His wild, untamed locks and is the epitome of masculine potency, virility and unending powerful energy (Shakti) as represented by the Jyotir Lingam. His knowledge and awareness of everything is total and complete within itself - the only entity which can stop my limited, human intellect dead in its tracks.

I've come to 'know' Lord Shiva on a very personal and intimate level. Even though He is the 'Destroyer' and the 'God of Death', what really gets 'destroyed'? and what really 'dies' if everything is Brahman Absolute? if everything is only what this 'form' of Lord Shiva merely represents? and I don't mind so much if there's 'not much love for Shiva' because I realise that I love Him deeply and this just means there's more of His attention and affections left for me to enjoy. I often think that Kali is going to get jealous one of these days and I, for one, wouldn't like to get on Kali's 'bad side'. :tongue:

Lord Shiva's "Yakshaswaroopa" (Demonic form) is a glorious sight to behold! It's when He goes dancing throughout the Universe totally naked (Sky Clad) and using all forms of visible matter as His adornments. This is what is meant when we say "Digambaraya". It is the form of the Formless, which cannot be perceived through and via any senses and yet, everything in existence IS that! - a powerful, entropic display of cyclic fractals. This is also Sadashiva - the being who strings galaxies on quantum threads and makes His garlands from them.

Lord Shiva may be the "God of Death/Destruction" but usually, Lord Yama has that role and of course, Lord Yama (Yamaraj) is just another aspect of Lord Shiva, but devotion to Lord Shiva can also mitigate the eventuality of being visited by the "Grim Reaper". This is beautifully illustrated by the tale of Markandeya.

I forget all the details of the story, but once upon a time there was a very pious saint, a devotee of Lord Shiva (forget his name) and both he, and his wife had been trying for about 40 years to conceive a child, but his wife was barren - or he was infertile - or something, but for some reason, it just wasn't meant to be...but he wasn't about to give up, so he prayed to and beseeched Lord Shiva for a boon - that his wife give birth to a son - even though they were both in their 60's by this stage.

After years of worship, ritual and loving service, Lord Shiva appeared and granted the sage the boon that his wife would give birth to a son, but there was also a huge catch (there usually is with boons that Lord Shiva grants). The child would reach the age of 16 and then contract a mysterious illness and die and there was nothing that could be done about it; and so it was that 9 months later, his wife gave birth to a son and they named him Markandeya.

Now, the truth of his fate was hidden from Markandeya, but ever since birth, he showed an incredible love and devotion towards Lord Shiva. He was in ecstatic bliss worshiping Lord Shiva almost always and his parents couldn't be happier. Then, when Markandeya was 16, he contracted a fatal illness and was told about the events of his birth and the prophecy which was foretold by Lord Shiva. Markandeya didn't want to leave the world. He wanted to spend a very long life worshiping the Lord, teaching others and helping people. He felt that this was his destiny which he was being 'robbed of' by the selfish needs of his parents.

So, Markandeya went into full-on concentrated worship of Lord Shiva - praying for a 'boon' of his own, but day after day, he became sicker and sicker until he was no longer able to focus, concentrate or worship - just hugging the Shiva Lingam. Then, with his dying breath, Lord Yama appeared to claim his soul and take it to the "Underworld" but as soon as Lord Yama appeared, so did Lord Shiva and the two began to fight it out for the custody of Markandeya's immortal Soul. To cut a long story much shorter, in the end, Lord Yama was sent packing by Lord Shiva and Markandeya ended up living a very long and fruitful existence in the service of the Lord.

Lord Shiva is not only the source of death and destruction, but also the source of infinite Love, Mercy and Grace. It is shown in the Puranas (and it has also been quite a while since I studied them) and it is the Puranic 'form' of Lord Shiva that I most closely identify with, even though I fully realise that this is only a front for the boundless and infinite representation of Pure Consciousness known as Brahman. Brahman is the glorious Truth, Consciousness and Bliss (Satchidananda) which this Saguna (attributed) form merely represents on all levels and with every glorious leela (Divine passtime) He enacts within this World. This is why He is also called "Mrityunjayaya" or the Supreme Conqueror OF Death! To know Lord Shiva is not to 'die' and to know Lord Shiva is to be free from the Kalachakra - the wheel of time, death and causality (Karma).

Oh Glorious Lord with the 'Third Eye' whose celestial fragrance pervades the Universe. May I be liberated from the bondage of false concepts, of fear, and even death itself, just as the ripe melon is liberated from the vine.

Om Tryambakam Yaja Mahe Sughandim Pushthi Vardhanam. Urvarukhamiva Bandhanaan Mrityor Mukshiye Mamritaat.

This is called the "Mahamrityunjaya Mantra" or 'The Great Death-Conquering Mantra" and it doesn't negate the eventuality of physical death, but the whole attachment to the body and mind; to the whole material world at the time of physical dissolution so that spiritual immortality (Moksha) is attained.

So, knowing what Lord Shiva truly IS (when not Myself), I still worship Him as a beautiful and potent masculine Deity because He has found that way to enter into my heart, being everything that I could ever want in a 'relationship' (until the relative ceases to exist) Divine or otherwise and I recall all of the Puranic Leelas with much delight and glee, as they are all a moral lesson and give instructions about how to love and worship Him unselfishly and unconditionally - and woe befall those who worship Him out of egotistical, selfish needs and desires. Bhasmasura, the 'Ash Demon' being the prime example (Ravana was another) and I shall relate the story of Bhasmasura in a later post, as it goes to illustrate the loving bond between Lord Shiva and Lord Vishnu in regards to who should live and who should die.

Also, one day I will make a thread on the whole Shiva Maha Purana and tell you all about the many wonderful passtimes of Lord Shiva, which reads like a cross between the Art of War and a Mills and Boon romance novel - very entertaining nonetheless. A while ago, I read "The Shiva Trilogy - The Immortals of Meluha" by Amish Tripari and it portrayed Lord Shiva as a man who became a God - and while it was a pretty far-fetched work of fiction that bored me to death, I still read it. I like to subscribe to the whole idea that Lord Shiva is a shape-shifting "Alien" or a cosmic entity from the Pleiades Star System and there's tons of evidence which bears this whole theory out. They also say that Mt. Kailash is a "man-made pyramid" which is hollow inside or it could also be an "Earth Portal" directly to the Pleiades itself and they have also found many deep tunnels under the Ellora Caves in India which once housed a splendid underground city around the same time as the Indus Valley Empire.

Originally and in the beginning, Lord Shiva was only a minor Deity, taking a 'back-seat' to the Sun Deity (Hiranyagarbhaya) and He was worshiped as Pashupati - the Lord of Beasts and also the Lord of hedonism, abundance, ritual, trance states, music, the Arts and basically everything "Shamanic". The correlation was made to Bacchus and Dionysis and yet, Pashupati also refers to and represents the Human condition of a Soul being in either the 'bound' or 'liberated' state - either being tethered to existence and conditioned in the ways of the world, or free and unfettered to experience the bliisful state of total immersion within the Pure Consciousness of a Universal, Transcendent, "Being". It is akin to a wild animal which after being domesticated, is returned to the wilderness and must learn to adapt to the ways of its unlimited environment.

So, it all goes back to Lord Yama - Yamaraj - the "Grim Reaper" who is but an emanation of the 'energies' of Lord Shiva. There are two nice tales about Lord Yama to be had. The first is found in the Katha Upanishad, where a young boy, Nachiketas committed suicide (by fire) due to the selfish acts of his own father, but Nachiketas was kept waiting at the gates of Patala (Hell) for three days and three nights whilst Lord Yama was absent doing his 'grim duties'. Upon returning, Lord Yama said to Nachiketas "Sorry for keeping you waiting for three days, so you may ask three boons from me now". The first boon that Nachiketas asked for, was for the forgiveness of his father. I forget the second one, but the third boon was that Lord Yama, himself become the boy's "Guru" and instruct him as to what happens to the Human Soul upon death and after it. Of course, Lord Yama didn't want to answer that one, offering instead wealth, notoriety, riches, fame etc but Nachiketas was resolute and thus, Lord Yama instructed him as to the nature of Brahman Absolute and taught him all the secrets of the Universe.

The second discourse is found in the Mahabharata, as King Duryodhana lay dying due to a fatal wound to his groin, inflicted by Bhima for acting lustfully towards Draupadi (wife of the Pandavas). As Duryodhana suffered a long and painful drawn-out death, a similar conversation was had with Lord Yama about the nature of life, death, the Universe and Everything. Ultimately, Nachiketas returned to Earth (it wasn't his time) to teach his father and others about the Vedas and Duryodhana was bade entrance to Heaven (Swarga) due to the intercession of Yudhisthira. There are so many great examples of these stories - but that's all they are, just stories (of which I know many).

Being a Hindu and worshiping Lord Shiva is in my blood, bones and marrow. It is a part of my Soul and who I am as a sentient being and it has gone on this way for many lifetimes. Whenever I hear something relating to the Epics, it's like "yeah, I knew that"; like a previous existence which has come to fruition and full-circle within this lifetime! It's like I have been with Lord Shiva in another place and in another time and I'm just remembering all of it now and it feels like I was one of the Devas myself, but maybe I'm just a 'Star-Seed' from the Pleiades.

Anyway, that's enough for now...more than enough to keep you all going and I may elaborate more in a subsequent post over the next week or so, but for now, so long, take care and the Shiva within me loves the Shiva within you all. Namaste.

Om Namah Shivaya

Namaste and Salutations.

It would be totally remiss of me to say that I do not experience human emotions and sensations in the presence of the Divine, or reflecting upon my own Divinity (which is also a mere reflection of the Absolute Consciousness/Shiva).

It seems to follow an all too familiar path or pattern, activating every channel along the Ida (lunar) nadi or nerve, therefore switching on and fully opening every alternate Chakra, starting at Swadhisthana (Sacral), then Anahata (Heart) and finally, the Ajna or Third-Eye. So, of course, my Sacral Chakra is going to totally explode with exposure to the Prana OF the Sacred, but it is caused through and by unconditional love and not desire.

At first, I was quite purturbed by this...it totally unnerved me, how the sanctity and purity of all that was pure and beyond emotion and sensation was making me...well 'excited'. I even tried to console myself with the memory of what Lord Shiva did to Kama Deva (Cupid) under similar circumstances , but that was also after the fact of the inevitable occurring.

See, Lord Brahma and Indra Deva sent Kama Deva (God of passionate thoughts) and his partner, Rati along with the season of Vasant (Springtime) to Mt. Kailash to interrupt Lord Shiva's deep Samadhi to try and get Him interested in Parvati (who was seeking to gain His attention/affections for marriage), so the two could mate, produce a child (Lord Murugan) who it was foretold by prophecy, would kill the demon, Tarakasur who was totally terrorising all Three Worlds...I mean, it's a long story, but Lord Brahma and Indra Deva sent the 'passion party' to Mt. Kailash to disturb Shiva and snap Him out of it.

Well, that did happen, after an 'accident' occured first, which infuriated Lord Shiva so much, he opened His 'Third Eye' Chakra and burnt Kama Deva to ashes on the spot...BOOM SHANKAR! and then, Kama Deva was no more. One problem...the seed of Lord Shiva is so potent, volatile...I mean, the whole of the Big Bang is encoded within it...the blueprint for every material form and the 'Universal DNA' is encoded within it and the essence of pure Consciousness, itself is encoded within it and when God has an orgasm, super-massive black holes are created with event horizons which border the infinite.

So, His seed was taken to the Ganges River (Mother Ganga/Ganges is Lord Shiva's 'other wife' that He keeps within His Dhara... Jata Jhuta...matted topknot of hair) and His 'Sacred Emanation' was dispersed among the six River Goddesses who all became pregnant with the one being - Sanat Kumara - Lord Murugan...and so, it turns out that in the direct way, Paravti wasn't needed anyway however, Shakti still was, because only Shakti can carry and bear the full seed of Shiva - it would totally destroy anything else that even tried.

It is also interesting to note that the two 'children' of Shiva and Parvati weren't conceived in the 'usual' way...as a human child would be. We have already seen how Lord Murugan's (Sanat Kumara's) birth came about...well, I guess that Parvati thought; "If my husband can 'create a baby' without me, then let me try that...and so, before bathing one day, Mother Parvati took all the sandalwood paste, dirt, dust and scurf from her body and fashioned a poppet from it - then, She breathed life into the poppet and it became a young boy which Mother Parvati then put on 'guard duty' beside the stream she was nakedly bathing in - of course Lord Shiva didn't recognise Him as being the 'child of Parvati' and so, a scuffle ensued as Lord Shiva tried to re-unite with His wife and in the ensuing battle, the poor child became decapitated. Parvati arrived on the scene too late...She was totally infuriated with Shiva and was transforming into Kali to kill Him herself (or try) and so, to pacify Parvati, Lord Shiva sent the Trishula (Trident) on a mission to bring back the head of the first living creature it found...which as it was, happened to be a baby elephant.

I mean, Lord Shiva had practice at doing this....Prajapati Daksh received the head of a goat for his insolence, arrogance and total ignorance, but I digress. Shiva does sorta get remorseful after He beheads and kills things...but unfortunately the human head is no longer usable (in most cases) and how He deals with the whole problem of inter-species neural connections and tissue rejection is totally beyond my level of human understanding at this point. lol

So, we go back to me feeling aroused in this beautiful, loving presence...yup, Shiva killed Kama Deva - who was also brought 'back to life' at the insistence of Rati to live and flourish as a 'Spirit' inside the heart (and loins) of every human being, that being said...Kama (passion/desire) is also one of the four 'rites of passage' of the human birth and condition - Kama (passion), Artha (prosperity), Dharma (righteousness) and Moksha (liberation) which also corresponds to those chakras which are on the other nerve (nadi)...the Pingala or Solar nerve which remains closed off. For about a year, I noticed my Swadhisthana Chakra fully open and then fully regress, close-off and basically disintergrate upon my very first guilty thought of "NO! this should not be happening...this just ain't right...one just doesn't have 'sex' with 'God" and all the while, I kept feeling like the butt of a sick joke the universe was playing on me.

I mean, it wasn't like I really had any control over it, apart from 'controlling' it to 'cease and desist' which it would do for a short time before attacking my astral body with a vengeance once more the next time around and so, after a while and upon some Divine 'insistence', I finally allowed myself to fully surrender to what I was feeling on every level including the physical and I also understood that although Shiva burnt Kama Deva to ashes, He was the very first master of Tantra, Yoga and of the 84 sacred positions, Himself! and it doesn't get any more telling or revealing than that imho. Suffice to say, I was not disappointed as I was brought to the very brink of space-time and creation itself as I released my energies into unlimited potential and saw the reflection of all reflections in all glorious 5D MANifestation.

So afterwards, I usually end up asking the $64,000 question - "so tell me, Shiva...am I You or are You, me?" and of course, it shouldn't matter either way, but for some reason it does because it defines whether or not God is created within my own mind, or I have been created within the Mind of God and if Brahman alone exists, then what is Maya? is Maya the Illusion or indeed, Brahman if 'everything is Brahman'? and then the words of all the Great Ones echo inside me, "Through Shakti, Shiva becomes known" and yet, as my energies arise, the Grace also descends and seems to meet it 'half-way', within the sacred space of the Spiritual Heart, braiding all this DNA into functional dodecahedrons and shooting out short-wave Shakti energy from the core of all my multi-stranded genetic material superluminally.

Then, I can't really say anything about it...I mean the 'Original Sin' is still the 'Original Sin' in the minds and hearts of mortal men, leading to all kinds of perverse permutations of cognitive dissonance and cultural conditioning as per the limitations of 'objects' and 'labels' within the corporeal reflection of this vibration (Spanda) of Logos with "OMG you've f*cked the Creator" and all I could ever say to that is "uhhh...ummm...yeah" although it was more 'the other way around' but the angelic jury still remains out on that whole issue but it does put a whole new spin on ego-less 'Self-indulgence' either way and inserts the 'quanta' into 'quantum physics' and explores the limitation of perception in relation to form within any given Planck Constant.

And so, I'm still getting messages, from Shivatar, from Kralaro, from a few PM's; "the next time you see Shiva, can you ask Him this for me? can you get Him to tell me what I am thinking? are there any messages from Him to me?" and all I can ever say to that now, is 'ask Him yourself!' and that's pretty hard to do if one doesn't believe He exists in the first place or believes that it's 'all me' or I am 'making it all up'...yep, I am 'making it all up' in much the same way as I made the whole universe up and you are all me anyway, so this is just a moot exercise as seen from a subjective experiential standpoint of an awareness in Consciousness until nothing remains aware and so, there is nothing/nobody to 'ask Shiva' anything! get it?

Also, some people also seem to believe what they think of me, what they believe about me should affect me or bother me in some way...well I have big news for those people. I didn't get to where I am by 'listening to' or 'obeying' or 'believing' others, but by silently reflecting and listening within...to my own heart and once the ego has been bypassed, once you have told yourself to 'shut up' for the billionth time, it will happen...slowly and surely, it's going to happen!

So, when I ask Shiva now; "are you God?" or "are you an Alien?" He always replies with "well, what do YOU think?" and starts sounding like a first-year psychiatrist or a cheap advice columnist and I say "what I think doesn't matter" and of course, Shiva says "ah, but it DOES" and I say "if thinking is SO important, why are we trained to stop/go beyond our thoughts...eh"? and then, He gently touches my forehead and says; "so THIS can happen" and then I'm immersed within the bliss of the Absolute, yet again.

Aum Namah Shivaya

AAh, I notice I seem to have totally lost you all again and this is the whole reason why I don't go online much anymore or even talk to people much, if at all. It's because nobody can understand me. :D

At first, I thought it was a defective Vishuddhi (throat) Chakra...when in fact, whatever I say is just so deep and profound, unless one has either a degree in Hindu mysticism or philosophy OR has experienced Samadhi, it will just fly over everybody's cerebellum like the proverbial satellite ...and trying to 'dumb it down' is just as difficult for me, as trying to understand this in original context is for everybody else....so I often wonder, with great wonderment, what it actually is that makes me 'the same' as everybody else? :dontknow:

It's not really the question or the matter of myself going into 'Sattvik worship' as I like to ego-lessly 'identify' with somehow being 'beyond' the three gunas, but about 80% of the posts I make in and on this forum somehow go languishing and yet, whenever I say anything about this, I always get "just because I did not comment on the content, did not mean that I did not read and appreciate the content" which only goes to strengthen the whole "write a book then Shivani, if people only want to read and not give any feedback on whatever you write". Yet, the actual reading of a book somehow entails more 'free will' than reading posts on an internet forum does. lol

Then again, I also fully understand that there's no concept of 'time'...it simply does not exist, which may explain why a 'day' for me, is a 'month' for another and why it is thus, I am destined to have a very 'short life' like a candle which burns itself out with a roaring flame in somewhat of a short timespan (while the actual 'Light Body' remains under construction). So, I can only go and meditate because this is all I can do, while I am actually not the one doing anything....unlike typing on an internet forum. lol

its not that we don't understand you. but sometimes, at least for me, with these long posts there is not much of a question or something for us to reply to, it's mostly just a lecture type discourse where you tell us about your experiences or your spirituality.

After I read your other post at the end I was like "... idk what to post or reply too.... guess ill just go without saying anything" lol.


What makes you the same as everyone else? it's the sense of consciousness. the sense of "this is me" or "this is happening to me" or "i am here".

throughout my young life I've experienced great tragedies, and every time I come out the other side thinking nothing happened, because I expect there to be some change in my sense of self. However for the last many years its like there is no change in my sense of self. I always feel like me, always feel the same, no matter what heaven or hell I go through.



heyyyy, you gonna smoke a ton of weed on feb 12th for shivaratri? hahahaha. I went from smoking all day everyday to smoking once a week.

I've smoked 3 times in the last week though, so I think I might wait until the 12th to smoke and then get HELLA RIPPED. like my brain is going to be asking "why god, why" LOLOL.

its not that we don't understand you. but sometimes, at least for me, with these long posts there is not much of a question or something for us to reply to, it's mostly just a lecture type discourse where you tell us about your experiences or your spirituality.

After I read your other post at the end I was like "... idk what to post or reply too.... guess ill just go without saying anything" lol.


What makes you the same as everyone else? it's the sense of consciousness. the sense of "this is me" or "this is happening to me" or "i am here".

throughout my young life I've experienced great tragedies, and every time I come out the other side thinking nothing happened, because I expect there to be some change in my sense of self. However for the last many years its like there is no change in my sense of self. I always feel like me, always feel the same, no matter what heaven or hell I go through.



heyyyy, you gonna smoke a ton of weed on feb 12th for shivaratri? hahahaha. I went from smoking all day everyday to smoking once a week.

I've smoked 3 times in the last week though, so I think I might wait until the 12th to smoke and then get HELLA RIPPED. like my brain is going to be asking "why god, why" LOLOL.

Heh...I've smoked a ton of weed over the past 3 days (after one month abstinence) and I'm getting some more for Shiva Ratri. I've basically gone to once a month now, but I don't need to ask God 'why' when I get ripped because I know why...it's when I am sober that I just don't 'get it'. =)

In fact, gonna make a post in this forum about the past 3 days and the 'Aghori Sacrament'...yeah, I tend to meditate, chant and go into trance during that state...and then write articles on the Trika Shaivite Philosophy...yeah, I'm weird that way...I'll post the link here when I'm done.

Okay, this forum isn't letting me post anything, which is very weird.

Here we go, Shivatar...THIS is what happens when I get wasted, so it's something I have to totally limit:

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=120562

Aum Namah Shivaya

Weed is a weird one. It's experience is no mind, or foggy mind. So to smoke it teaches us a really specific thing. If we are trying to connect with the mind and material world, weed is bad, if we are trying to get some space and disconnect, weed is very good.

I agree 100%.

Although, I tend to either get terribly philosophical without speaking from any kind of intellectual/brain awareness whatsoever (and just go on for hours about how immense, awesome and amazing Shiva is and He's the only one saying "yeah I know it and I'm allowed to be totally 'Self-indulgent' because I'm God") or else, I colour in mandalas to try and access my subconscious mind and do a 'Carl Jung'...and if all else fails, I watch epic cat fails on Youtube....when I'm stoned, it gets very weird.

That whole topic of Bedha-Abheda Tattwa is usually what happens when I'm wasted...or I'll wake up, like this morning and my fingers are all swollen, bruised and purple and I'm like "what the f-...how did that happen?" totally oblivious to the fact (until many hours later) that I attended a Shamanic drumming class last night, I commandeered this huge African Djembe, went into a deep shamanic trance on weed...three hours later, everybody had left and I was still drumming.

Yeah, so that tends to happen and I didn't even feel any of this soft-tissue damage I did to all the joints on my fingers because I was so blissed out on the 'Great Spirit'...but today, I'm paying for that because I can hardly type.

Only my 'stoned mind' can understand the quantum tetryonic atomic orbitals of sacred fractals...like I said...it gets really weird.




Om Namah Shivaya

Shivani Devi: "ask Him yourself!".

Got that.

haha. it's good to see you again

i havent been logging on to SF in a while either. I might check it every few days but I havent posted a lot in the last 6 months or so. Been busy with life.

how have you been?

I'm only coming on here for about an hour once a week myself, as things have slowed right down for me to almost a grinding halt and I'll only post if I see something really interesting (which is rare now).

Right now, I am studying Hermetics, the Kaballah and Sacred Alchemy and I haven't had a smoke of weed since I made that post above...possessing it is a crime worse than murder in this country.

I've come to the realisation that I am a 'Shadow Person' and I'm gaining full acceptance of that fact, as it is something beyond my control to change in any way and so, I am learning to live with it and existing 'in between dimensions' as it were.

I was studying the Great Arcanum today and it was talking about Tantra...it said "unless one has a partner, they cannot raise Kundalini" and I was calling 'bulls***' (as evidenced by all the great celibate and self-realised monks since time immemorial) and then I heard it "they didn't say that your 'partner' had to be flesh and bone, existing in this dimension, did they? so what am I then...chopped liver?"

Oh great, so I seem to be betrothed to one of the Elohim...but of course, we already knew that one, didn't we?

So, finding my own 'personal strengths' is difficult, but I am learning how to rely on and tap into the combined strength of Mortal AND Divine to make some kind of hybrid creature within me...as holding it back is destroying both aspects of my soul/psyche.

This is what I have been doing...how are you, by the way? my dear friend. :hug2:

Aum Namah Shivaya

I'm not sure if I am a shadow person but I've felt like a ghost so many times before in my life. like i am between life and death, not alive or dead either. Well, most certainly alive, but not alive in a normal way, alive like a zombie. Things just happen on auto pilot a lot of the time, I always have to try and be conscious, it is not effortless yet.

I also have battles between light and dark inside me too. The light in me says and shows that it is my true nature and is what is at my deepest core. But the shadow in me says it is what I mostly am. The shadow says it is my strength. When I am feeling weak, the darkness calls out to me, "use me, you don't have to feel this pain. The pain is from resisting your strength". So many times I allow the darkness in so I won't feel the pain. I am learning though. I am learning how to deal with pain without allowing darkness to deal with it for me. Darkness is never good with dealing with problems, it only hides them and saves them for later. Light is also not that great for it either, something in between is.

I practiced tantra the other day. There is so much to tantra that needs to be done properly before kundalini raises. Also I think Kundalini is not something unique to tantra, but tantra is a unique path for kundalini and allows it to arise quite easily in comparison to other paths. Also I agree that tantra cannot be practiced without a partner. Tantra is about intimacy and connection between two beings, that intimacy involves emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, and spirtiual intimacy. And you need an alive partner for physical intimacy :0

Why are you bethroned to one of the elohim? Why would you accept such a destiny? It's not my place to tell you what you should understand, but I do believe you deserve someone who is real and who is equally human as you are.

Overall I have been quite miserable these last 6 months. I did it to myself through my use of drugs. I'm full of regret because I couldnt anticipate how I would be now, but I also try to remember that I had a good time and it wasn't all for nothing. basically i've been depressed and separated from my spirituality for 6 months now. It's coming back online now and I constantly feel glimmers of light breaking through so I know I'll be OK in time. I've also just been doing regular things, going to work, hanging out with friends, etc. I haven't been doing any divine work like building things or teaching people because I just haven't felt that part of me awaken in a while.

Let me ask you something...do you have a girlfriend/partner/significant other? Or do you find that your traumatic past, lifestyle choices, spiritual beliefs and stubborn independence would always get in the way of it?

There is a reason why Lord Shiva is my "better half" and that's because no human being has the stomach for my "stuff"...they are too soft and weak. God only knows (quite literally) the number of times I have opened myself up to others, only to get; "please stop, I can't take this" after like the first five minutes and I need somebody/thing to offload on to or else I'll go stir crazy.

So, the relationship is totally symbiotic...I give Him my life and He gives me His love.

Just by the by....when the "inventor" of Tantra becomes ones Tantric partner, all the "rules" get rewritten and the whole physical aspect becomes superfluous. :)

Aum Namah Shivaya

I'm not currently in a committed relationship but I have people in my life who I feel things for and do things with. The pain in my past, the relationships I never got into because of the pain, my choice to abandon relationships, all got in the way of my relationships but I keep trying. I notice that as time goes on and I keep failing I also keep improving. I gain a little more awareness and experience about myself because of the relationships. Even when we dont date, I still gain something valuable. Maybe all I learn is a new bit of slang or new words to say. Maybe all I learn is that I'm being desperate and clingy and I need to tone it down. maybe all i learn is I shouldnt talk to people on the phone for over 30 minutes because its kind of weird to talk to new people on the phone for 90+ minutes (who knew! i didnt lol). maybe all i learn is that I have completly unrealistic expectations, hopes, and am unwilling to look at my own situation before finding a relationship. these are just a few of the things Ive learned recently. there are thousands of lessons I've learned and i haven't even gotten into a relationship lately. There are probably hundreds of thousands of lessons to learn when I do get into one!

Finding a relationship isnt that terribly tough. If you want a bad one you can find one very easily. finding a good relationship, the right relationship, is very hard.

I think being in a long-term relationship is an essential part of life. A physical and intimate relationship (mostly, but I also mean an emotional and spiritual relationship too), not a (purely) spiritual relationship like the one with God. Having a relationship like that just does something very healing for the heart, I'm not sure what or how but I know it does something good. it also empowers us to grow and be more than we could on our own.

I'm not saying we should be in relationships for all of our life. but if we haven't yet experienced a deep, long lasting, and transformative love then I think that is an essential part of life we shouldnt miss out on. even if we are nearing the grave, if we havent had it, we should seek it out!

Finding true love is like my #1 goal in life. My biggest challenge, and when I achieve it, my greatest victory!

(Excerpt from message of Shri Datta Swami)

As per Veda, Shivascha Narayana and Brahmascha Narayana and hence mean all the three are only one and the same and that one and only Parabrahman is Lord Datta.

God is like free electrons flowing in the atmosphere. These Electrons are the electricity. Then can you heat water by keeping the vessel containing water in the atmosphere? When these Electrons enter a medium like the metallic wire, you can heat water. If the medium is human form it is most convenient for you to clear your doubts, to love and to serve Him.

Lord Krishna in Gita repeatedly told that He comes again and again 'Dharma samsthapanardhaya sambhavami yuge..', 'Yadaa Yadahi ..', 'Manushim tanumasritam..' etc. so, human incarnation of Lord is coming in every human generation. Otherwise, if one generation was only blessed by such fortune, the other generations will charge God as partial and such charge is justified.

posted by: surya (disciple of Swamiji)
www.universal-spirituality.org