This is a beautiful post.
Reminds me of an osho quote.
He equated sadness as being the roots of a tree and the branches being happiness. The deeper the roots the taller the tree and the taller the tree the deeper the roots. Signifying the balance of life using sadness and happiness.

I feel as though all trauma is teaching us to enjoy the opposite that much more.

Much like therapy when you accept what happened and surrender to it so to say the more you heal then move on from it and go deeper into self. The more you go deeper into self the more power you have. The more power you have the happier or more at peace you are.

without dark night, there will be no sun rise:)

Hmm ... This one is a bit challenging for me too, because it is a question of cutting off from my roots, or sticking with them. Or stay somewhere in between.

I find that I made a lot more progress (and with greater ease) when I was away from them. We keep in touch, but our interaction is much reduced.

Wanchain

That analogy is really fitting! Thank you for sharing! ^_^

Yes, I agree with you on going deeper. This inward journey is really rewarding!

I have to do what is made clear to me I need to do even if it's hard. For me it was complete separation but I can't speak for anyone else. I was being retraumatized by any contact at all.

Hmm ... is it a temporary separation or a permanent one?

With blood relations, there is a link at the vibrational level--the emotions and thoughts in the molecules--such that when you shift at the molecular level, they will shift too, although to a lesser degree. For example, when the intensity of my rage went down, my father's also went down.

But at the neurological level, I find that they cannot shift unconsciously. If they are habituated to behave in a certain way, then they will still do so, unless you start to behave differently in front of them, then they will have to adjust to your new behavior. I think this requires a bit of conscious effort on their part.

It had to be a complete separation for me. I tried minimal contact and temporary separation for a long time and it didn't work. But again, I can't speak for anyone else. That's where things went naturally for me. I tried to hold on and every time it resulted in very bad retraumatization. The only way for me to get better was to detach completely. That's when the healing went to a new level for me. It took me a long time and lots of pain because I guess I had to go through all that to finally realize it wasn't going to work. A part of me inside thought maybe one day this person will love me, or maybe I can fix this person, or my guilt or loneliness kept me going back. In the end I had to make a determined final decision, there was no other choice. Anger is very useful in that situation. I don't think I would have been able to do it without support either, it's not an easy thing to go through.

Hmm ... interesting. I do agree with you that if you can remove yourself from the source of pain, you can heal much quicker.

Okay, it makes sense that you had the support to go through it. I don't have support. I have always been the one to have to fend for myself. Not only that, when someone else had a problem, it was my fault and my responsibility to fix it. When the whole world collapses, I have push it back up. It's not only that I don't have support, it is also that I am responsible for everyone. Naturally, I turned to the invisible beings for help, since I was pushed and pushed to the brink of survival.

Now I still find it hard to get the support that I need. But at least, I am not responsible for everyone now. Although I come across as being a bit antisocial and not a team player. Not exactly where I want to be, but I haven't found a way out yet.

I get support from my therapist, from https://www.reddit.com/r/cptsd and I found a couple of supportive friends at Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meetings. It's for children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families. One of the traits they talk about that results from our upbringing is an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Here's a link that lists 14 traits people with similar childhoods seems to have:

http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/Laundry_List.php

Also you can search for local meetings on that website. Finding support is hard I know, sometimes a therapist can help us think of things. I'm sorry you're alone, I hope things change for you. I'd been isolated for many years, but things got so bad I went to an ACA meeting out of desperation and met people there. That's also how I found a therapist, someone who went to the meetings said they found a therapist for $25 a session so I thought I'd try it. I'm so glad I did. My family never even considered getting me help for my problems so I never considered it myself. My life could have been so much better if I had help earlier, but I'm just glad I'm finally doing it. I've changed so much these last few years due to getting help. And now things are accelerating even more with the IFS and EMDR therapy.

Thanks very much for sharing the links. I will explore the support group more!

I have more than half the list of traits, although nowadays the intensity of my traits has reduced significantly.

Hmm ... sounds like your family did not have the capacity to help you. I don't think my parents have the capacity too, but for me, I have to hide my problems from them, because they expect me to be perfect, to live up to their expectations, so if I don't, my father will get mad at me and blame me for not being good enough. When I was sick, I had to hide it from him, because he would get mad at me for being sick. So at my weakest point, not only did I not get the help that I needed, I got pushed even lower. What I had was not a life ...

Wanchain