I Still Struggle With Feeling Left Behind
I picked up a book last night called "Do We Meet Again" Judging by the book's title, I thought perhaps it would bring me some comfort. But I felt quite sad and heartbroken after reading a few descriptions of the afterlife.
The author, a man who wrote the book during the last year of his life, explained that when a person dies, s/he usually quickly embraces their new existence on the other side because everything there is infinitely better and more beautiful than on earth, and all relationships there are overwhelmingly more beautiful and satisfying than the ones that the person had on earth. Because of the abundance of joy and beauty there, the person rapidly loses interest in their earthly existence, and looks forward to the new avenues of soul exploration.
I think it is wonderful that everything in the spirit world is so beautiful, but when I read how the soul enjoys much better and more beautiful relationships in the spirit world, I admit....my feelings of abandonment are triggered. I feel heartbroken thinking that my basic human offering of love cannot compare to what Matt is receiving now in the spirit world. I feel so left behind---unimportant, small, and forgotten......
I still feel like I am in a relationship with Matt----- I talk to him, tell him I love him and miss him so much. I must think about him about 98% of my waking life, and then I also dream about him, not as frequently now, but I still do. I dedicate all my enjoyable activities to him......
I have this hope in my heart that I will see Matt again, embrace him, hold him to my heart....I imagine that we will reunite and look just as we did here, that it will be as if we never said goodbye.
But am I the only one who cares this much? Maybe Matt sees me differently now.......I have written about this a lot, I know, but every now and then I get so scared.
Do I have to let go of this need to feel important to Matt, to feel like I am his one-and-only? His twin flame soulmate? We used to write poems and stories about this....we used to talk about this all the time. Matt would always tell me I was his twin flame, that he could never live without me......I know things have changed now, and I am left here in the physical, and Matt has transitioned. I am still struggling with that...........So many questions, fears, and sadnesses.
So many yearnings.....I wish so much I could have loved you longer here in the physical, dear Matt......I want to love you as a human loves another human.
If that was me, I would feel depressed reading that book as well. I am sure that person that died will always care about you and would want to see you again one day. People say that you should move on, as you have a life here. I would not worry about that book because I really think no one really knows for sure. They think they know. That is just his opinion. It does not mean everyone is like him. He wants to cut ties with every one. That is his choice. Other people who have died would want to see their love ones. I have read many times that when people nearly die they meet with their love ones. Everyone is really happy.
Thank you for that response, Astralsuzy. I like to think of the afterlife in the way you describe--it's what brings me comfort. Sometimes I get confused about reading so many different accounts of the afterlife. Some seem very reassuring and comforting, others seem more impersonal, detached. But I like to think of Matt as still caring, still having interest in what he left behind here.
So many people here have given me this reassurance, so I know it seems odd that I struggle so much. I tend to be a little bit fearful, uncertain in life.....
We have to realize that we wanted to come here and if it was so beautiful there, that is, much beautiful than here, well why would we want to come here in the first place ?. If we lived in a place where there was no sadness we wouldn't have anything to compare it to, so how would we ever know that it was a great place to be without this contrast ?. Maybe there is something here that is better than there, what that something is I don't know, and maybe coming here and going back keeps a balance, just a thought.
You are still in a relationship, but of a different kind. Matt is in Spirit and here you are, but you Love him and no doubt he Loves you. Things are different for him now, being in Spirit changes people. What doesn't change though, is the Love. I can't tell you for certain, but if you both believe you are twin flames then that Love is never going to go away, it transcends what we perceive as death into Eternity. And you're not the only one that feels this way, it happens quite a lot in here.
But you have to move on, Annonafox. You have to let him go, No, it won't be easy but what if he was sitting there watching you be this way? How would he feel? Chances are pretty good he's getting on with his Life, you have to get on with his. That doesn't mean forget him or stop Loving him though.
The AfterLife is down to your beliefs. However, I have people 'up there' and still feel the Love from them. They're doing what they do, I do what I do and often they send me a blast of Love that reduces me to tears sometimes. The connections are still there - the important things.
When you've had such a rich, satisfying, 'everything' sort of relationship, it's hard to imagine moving on and looking for another relationship to satisfy whatever your needs are now. You've come to that fork in the road I mentioned before somewhere. You're sitting at the crossroads or whatever and you just don't want to make that choice. You can either build the rest of your life as a monument to your and Matt's beautiful relationship or you can experiment and try to think in terms of searching for another loving relationship.
Hi Annonafox :smile:
I'd like to add a few things to your post, if I may. Having worked extensively in this area, I would have to disagree with astralsuzy that no-one knows for sure. There is overwhelming evidence from many areas that all correlate and give us a very good picture of what goes on "on the other side".
Matt has NOT abandoned you! Just because he is beyond the veil and you can't see him, doesn't mean he is trillions of miles away and is having a ball, partying and finding new relationships and barely giving you a thought. In fact, that is very far from the truth.
Yes, life is much easier there. For a start, we don't have physical bodies so we don't have illness or pain. We don't have worries and fears, or traffic jams! But we do still stay very connected to those we left behind. When a loved one passes on, grieving is for us because we can't see them any more, but it need not be for them because they are happy and healthy, and they can and DO still see us. In fact, they do more than see us, they are with us whenever we call, whenever we think of them, and at every important moment in our lives. They draw close to give us support, encouragement, guidance, and know us like they were never able to know us in life, because they can see into our mind and our soul.
Psychoslice asks that if everything is so wonderful there, why would we come here? We come because we need to learn and grow and experience. We aren't forced to incarnate, but we choose to because we grow much faster in a physical body, experiencing physical challenges, than we do where we are free of challenges and opportunities to grow. We know before we come that there will be difficulties, but from the perspective of the one about to incarnate, a lifetime seems like a blink of an eye and we embark on it with enthusiasm, anxious to get done with it and return home.
We are all members of a soul group, and those who are close to us in the physical life are fellow members, it cannot be otherwise because we barely if ever cross paths with those who aren't members of our soul group. So when we return home, those we have been close to in this life and have gone before us are always there to greet us and welcome us home, and we gather together to discuss what we experienced, what we learnt, and learn from each other's experiences.
Here's a frightening thought : even those we saw as enemies, or those we had difficulty getting along with, we discover are members of our soul group, and that we made an arrangement with them piror to incarnation to "push our buttons" (or for us to push theirs) because that's how we learn and grow.
Don't be sad for Matt, Annonafox, he's right beside you whenever you need him, and will be until he welcomes you home. :hug:
This is kind of off topic, but I remember it from a thread you started on the old forum that I wanted to respond to but didnt get the chance to. You had asked about the type of contact those that pass on make and how we perceive that contact and how it changes over time.
My #1 best friend passed away in 2006. When he first passed, he definitely made contact and I felt his "personality". As time passed, I felt less his personality and more of his "essence". I hope this makes sense. I can feel his essence and presence whenever I wish to seek it. Also, he proactively makes his essence and presence known when I am going through difficult times, significant spiritual progress and change, and when I am playing music or really enjoying listening to a piece of music (he was a phenomenal guitar player and encouraged me to develop my musical soul).
Matt will always be with you when you wish to perceive him and will proactively reach out to you. Make these occasions happy and use this to move forward in a positive manner in achieving your souls purpose as you are still here for a reason. Im sure Matt will always be around to help you in this regard.
As far as that book, I fail to understand how relationships "up there" are infinitely more beautiful than here. He is making a personal value judgment. Those on the other side of the veil will have relationships up there as well as with those they have physically left behind and so do we. Who is he to say which ones are "more beautiful"? How dare he? I can see it doesnt resonate with you and it sure as heck doesn't resonate with me which says something. Im sure Matt values the relationship he has with you now more than he ever did and is not up there making relationship comparisons and value judgments.
You can never end a relationship, only evolve it and change it for the better. Im sure Matt has done so with you. It would be in your best interest and your souls purpose to eventually change the relationship you still and always will have with Matt from one of grief to one of joy. Im sure Matt will reach out and help you with this if you ask him.
I am enjoying these responses, and I appreciate them greatly. I am drawn to your response, sandybythesea, because it resonates with what I have felt to be the true nature of the afterlife and our connection to it as we travel on this side of the veil. The most reassuring part is that we do indeed have a soul group, or family, that we travel with throughout time. I often lose sight of this, and feel like my tie to Matt is severed, or else severely strained by this sense of distance I feel.
I also like how psychoslice pointed out that souls do freely choose to come here, so there are desires to come here, which means that this world holds its joys, too, and souls want to come here and learn. We came here by choice, so we wanted this adventure, and we wanted to meet the people that we did. That is a good feeling.
I don't feel like I am moving on from Matt---I can't move on from someone I love, but I can live on, as hard as it is sometimes. Matt is still so much a part of me. I'm just not ready to think about other relationships--I am not trying to doom myself to a life of loneliness, but right now it is very difficult to imagine giving my heart to someone else. It hurts intensely to think about this, because I love Matt so much, and I think it is even more difficult because we didn't get a chance to say goodbye...So much unfinished business, as you would call it. My heart hurts so much......But I do think it is slowly healing........a little bit each day.
Although lately, as the year anniversary of his death approaches, the pain seems to be intensifying.
I just got your post. That is a beautiful one, thank you. One thing you said resonated me this morning---that I can work on changing my relationship with Matt from grief to joy. So direct, so profound. Yes, that is what my task is, to release the pain, to let it heal, to find a new way to connect with Matt.
At the moment, as I still grieve, I am very much immersed in the pain, but there are also times now when I can think of Matt and smile. I think about something funny he said and did, and I can laugh, sometimes cry and laugh at the same time.
I like that you shared with me about your friend being with you at pivotal times in your life. I am sure as I work through my pain, my guilt, that more and more opportunities to really feel Matt will be there. I am aware that the heavy sadness I am feeling now acts as a block.
I am very appreciative of your words today, Seazen.
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