I Still Struggle With Feeling Left Behind
 

I picked up a book last night called "Do We Meet Again" Judging by the book's title, I thought perhaps it would bring me some comfort. But I felt quite sad and heartbroken after reading a few descriptions of the afterlife.

The author, a man who wrote the book during the last year of his life, explained that when a person dies, s/he usually quickly embraces their new existence on the other side because everything there is infinitely better and more beautiful than on earth, and all relationships there are overwhelmingly more beautiful and satisfying than the ones that the person had on earth. Because of the abundance of joy and beauty there, the person rapidly loses interest in their earthly existence, and looks forward to the new avenues of soul exploration.

I think it is wonderful that everything in the spirit world is so beautiful, but when I read how the soul enjoys much better and more beautiful relationships in the spirit world, I admit....my feelings of abandonment are triggered. I feel heartbroken thinking that my basic human offering of love cannot compare to what Matt is receiving now in the spirit world. I feel so left behind---unimportant, small, and forgotten......

I still feel like I am in a relationship with Matt----- I talk to him, tell him I love him and miss him so much. I must think about him about 98% of my waking life, and then I also dream about him, not as frequently now, but I still do. I dedicate all my enjoyable activities to him......

I have this hope in my heart that I will see Matt again, embrace him, hold him to my heart....I imagine that we will reunite and look just as we did here, that it will be as if we never said goodbye.

But am I the only one who cares this much? Maybe Matt sees me differently now.......I have written about this a lot, I know, but every now and then I get so scared.

Do I have to let go of this need to feel important to Matt, to feel like I am his one-and-only? His twin flame soulmate? We used to write poems and stories about this....we used to talk about this all the time. Matt would always tell me I was his twin flame, that he could never live without me......I know things have changed now, and I am left here in the physical, and Matt has transitioned. I am still struggling with that...........So many questions, fears, and sadnesses.

So many yearnings.....I wish so much I could have loved you longer here in the physical, dear Matt......I want to love you as a human loves another human.

If that was me, I would feel depressed reading that book as well. I am sure that person that died will always care about you and would want to see you again one day. People say that you should move on, as you have a life here. I would not worry about that book because I really think no one really knows for sure. They think they know. That is just his opinion. It does not mean everyone is like him. He wants to cut ties with every one. That is his choice. Other people who have died would want to see their love ones. I have read many times that when people nearly die they meet with their love ones. Everyone is really happy.

Thank you for that response, Astralsuzy. I like to think of the afterlife in the way you describe--it's what brings me comfort. Sometimes I get confused about reading so many different accounts of the afterlife. Some seem very reassuring and comforting, others seem more impersonal, detached. But I like to think of Matt as still caring, still having interest in what he left behind here.

So many people here have given me this reassurance, so I know it seems odd that I struggle so much. I tend to be a little bit fearful, uncertain in life.....

We have to realize that we wanted to come here and if it was so beautiful there, that is, much beautiful than here, well why would we want to come here in the first place ?. If we lived in a place where there was no sadness we wouldn't have anything to compare it to, so how would we ever know that it was a great place to be without this contrast ?. Maybe there is something here that is better than there, what that something is I don't know, and maybe coming here and going back keeps a balance, just a thought.

Annonafox

You are still in a relationship, but of a different kind. Matt is in Spirit and here you are, but you Love him and no doubt he Loves you. Things are different for him now, being in Spirit changes people. What doesn't change though, is the Love. I can't tell you for certain, but if you both believe you are twin flames then that Love is never going to go away, it transcends what we perceive as death into Eternity. And you're not the only one that feels this way, it happens quite a lot in here.

But you have to move on, Annonafox. You have to let him go, No, it won't be easy but what if he was sitting there watching you be this way? How would he feel? Chances are pretty good he's getting on with his Life, you have to get on with his. That doesn't mean forget him or stop Loving him though.

The AfterLife is down to your beliefs. However, I have people 'up there' and still feel the Love from them. They're doing what they do, I do what I do and often they send me a blast of Love that reduces me to tears sometimes. The connections are still there - the important things.

When you've had such a rich, satisfying, 'everything' sort of relationship, it's hard to imagine moving on and looking for another relationship to satisfy whatever your needs are now. You've come to that fork in the road I mentioned before somewhere. You're sitting at the crossroads or whatever and you just don't want to make that choice. You can either build the rest of your life as a monument to your and Matt's beautiful relationship or you can experiment and try to think in terms of searching for another loving relationship.

Hi Annonafox :smile:
I'd like to add a few things to your post, if I may. Having worked extensively in this area, I would have to disagree with astralsuzy that no-one knows for sure. There is overwhelming evidence from many areas that all correlate and give us a very good picture of what goes on "on the other side".

Matt has NOT abandoned you! Just because he is beyond the veil and you can't see him, doesn't mean he is trillions of miles away and is having a ball, partying and finding new relationships and barely giving you a thought. In fact, that is very far from the truth.

Yes, life is much easier there. For a start, we don't have physical bodies so we don't have illness or pain. We don't have worries and fears, or traffic jams! But we do still stay very connected to those we left behind. When a loved one passes on, grieving is for us because we can't see them any more, but it need not be for them because they are happy and healthy, and they can and DO still see us. In fact, they do more than see us, they are with us whenever we call, whenever we think of them, and at every important moment in our lives. They draw close to give us support, encouragement, guidance, and know us like they were never able to know us in life, because they can see into our mind and our soul.

Psychoslice asks that if everything is so wonderful there, why would we come here? We come because we need to learn and grow and experience. We aren't forced to incarnate, but we choose to because we grow much faster in a physical body, experiencing physical challenges, than we do where we are free of challenges and opportunities to grow. We know before we come that there will be difficulties, but from the perspective of the one about to incarnate, a lifetime seems like a blink of an eye and we embark on it with enthusiasm, anxious to get done with it and return home.

We are all members of a soul group, and those who are close to us in the physical life are fellow members, it cannot be otherwise because we barely if ever cross paths with those who aren't members of our soul group. So when we return home, those we have been close to in this life and have gone before us are always there to greet us and welcome us home, and we gather together to discuss what we experienced, what we learnt, and learn from each other's experiences.

Here's a frightening thought : even those we saw as enemies, or those we had difficulty getting along with, we discover are members of our soul group, and that we made an arrangement with them piror to incarnation to "push our buttons" (or for us to push theirs) because that's how we learn and grow.

Don't be sad for Matt, Annonafox, he's right beside you whenever you need him, and will be until he welcomes you home. :hug:

Hi Annona,

This is kind of off topic, but I remember it from a thread you started on the old forum that I wanted to respond to but didnt get the chance to. You had asked about the type of contact those that pass on make and how we perceive that contact and how it changes over time.

My #1 best friend passed away in 2006. When he first passed, he definitely made contact and I felt his "personality". As time passed, I felt less his personality and more of his "essence". I hope this makes sense. I can feel his essence and presence whenever I wish to seek it. Also, he proactively makes his essence and presence known when I am going through difficult times, significant spiritual progress and change, and when I am playing music or really enjoying listening to a piece of music (he was a phenomenal guitar player and encouraged me to develop my musical soul).

Matt will always be with you when you wish to perceive him and will proactively reach out to you. Make these occasions happy and use this to move forward in a positive manner in achieving your souls purpose as you are still here for a reason. Im sure Matt will always be around to help you in this regard.

As far as that book, I fail to understand how relationships "up there" are infinitely more beautiful than here. He is making a personal value judgment. Those on the other side of the veil will have relationships up there as well as with those they have physically left behind and so do we. Who is he to say which ones are "more beautiful"? How dare he? I can see it doesnt resonate with you and it sure as heck doesn't resonate with me which says something. Im sure Matt values the relationship he has with you now more than he ever did and is not up there making relationship comparisons and value judgments.

You can never end a relationship, only evolve it and change it for the better. Im sure Matt has done so with you. It would be in your best interest and your souls purpose to eventually change the relationship you still and always will have with Matt from one of grief to one of joy. Im sure Matt will reach out and help you with this if you ask him.

Peace

SeaZen

I am enjoying these responses, and I appreciate them greatly. I am drawn to your response, sandybythesea, because it resonates with what I have felt to be the true nature of the afterlife and our connection to it as we travel on this side of the veil. The most reassuring part is that we do indeed have a soul group, or family, that we travel with throughout time. I often lose sight of this, and feel like my tie to Matt is severed, or else severely strained by this sense of distance I feel.

I also like how psychoslice pointed out that souls do freely choose to come here, so there are desires to come here, which means that this world holds its joys, too, and souls want to come here and learn. We came here by choice, so we wanted this adventure, and we wanted to meet the people that we did. That is a good feeling.

I don't feel like I am moving on from Matt---I can't move on from someone I love, but I can live on, as hard as it is sometimes. Matt is still so much a part of me. I'm just not ready to think about other relationships--I am not trying to doom myself to a life of loneliness, but right now it is very difficult to imagine giving my heart to someone else. It hurts intensely to think about this, because I love Matt so much, and I think it is even more difficult because we didn't get a chance to say goodbye...So much unfinished business, as you would call it. My heart hurts so much......But I do think it is slowly healing........a little bit each day.

Although lately, as the year anniversary of his death approaches, the pain seems to be intensifying.

Hello Seazen,

I just got your post. That is a beautiful one, thank you. One thing you said resonated me this morning---that I can work on changing my relationship with Matt from grief to joy. So direct, so profound. Yes, that is what my task is, to release the pain, to let it heal, to find a new way to connect with Matt.

At the moment, as I still grieve, I am very much immersed in the pain, but there are also times now when I can think of Matt and smile. I think about something funny he said and did, and I can laugh, sometimes cry and laugh at the same time.

I like that you shared with me about your friend being with you at pivotal times in your life. I am sure as I work through my pain, my guilt, that more and more opportunities to really feel Matt will be there. I am aware that the heavy sadness I am feeling now acts as a block.

I am very appreciative of your words today, Seazen.

I think in the afterlife there would be no illness, money worries, traffic jams etc. It would be better up there than here but we live here and have to make the most of it. I do not think people can know everything about the afterlife for sure.
I have something to say, but do not take me too seriously as it may not be a good idea. I have read people can have a relationship with someone when they have died. You could astral project and see him. If you do this, you still have a life here. You will still need to go out with other people and have fun when you are ready. People may say, it is not fair to not let him move on. Every one has free will. He can make decisions for himself. If that is what he wants then he would let you know. As I said, do not take me too seriously as I do not know if it is a good idea.

Aww, annonafox, i want to hug you right now......please don't think your love is in vane.....He knows you love him, one love is no less important than another......you are connected by love and spirit......you will never be forgotten you are a child of God, and love is the greatest thing......please don't feel abandoned and insignificant.....you are beautiful, and matt will never forsake you......big hugs and kisses.....dragonfly xxxxxxx

More :hug: to annonafox.

Another thing I wanted to add. When you laugh at fond memories, SO DOES MATT. When you cry and grieve, so does he. That's not to say you shouldn't grieve, because it is basic human nature and besides, he deserves to be grieved for because he is not here in the physical for you to embrace, but he is with you every time you think of him, in whatever way you think of him, and is sharing those emotions you feel.

Also, astralsuzy suggested astral projecting to be with him, but you already do that. He visits you, and you visit him, probably every time you close your eyes in sleep. When we can let go of our left, survival brain hemisphere and enter into our intuitive right hemisphere (which we do when we sleep) it is so much easier to see each other, converse, embrace, be together. Most times people awaken next morning with a fuzzy recollection of what they presume was a dream, often never realising that this was actually precious time they spent together.

As for being ready for another relationship, don't even think about that now. If it is meant to be, it will happen when the time is right. For now, you are healing, and that can be a long process. You wouldn't break a leg and then try to run a marathon the following day, healing must be allowed its own time.
:hug2:

All who are bereaved are left behind. Our turn will come. I am not even sure whether the length of time is the issue. It's what we do with that time.How many hearts we reach out and touch. Those who have taken the step have touched our hearts, hence we greive, but surely their lasting legacy is the touching of the heart and then it becomes clear what we must do.

I realise it is difficult.I too have endured this pain, many moons ago now.

Thats it Annona! This is what will help to heal you. My friend had a good sense of humor and when he passed, I thought of some funny stuff he did and started laughing and that is when I first felt his presence. I stayed with it and allowed myself to feel his presence and more funny stuff of his came to mind spontaneously without having to think about it. Im sure it was him sending me those thoughts and vibes.

I practiced these kinds of happy thoughts about and connections with my friend alot and that is what helped me get over my grief. It was then that I realized he will be there for me always and that we are merely connecting and relating in a different way now. I highly recommend you make it a daily practice to think these happy thoughts about Matt and connect with him in that manner. You may still have moments of grief but thats OK, as long you start connecting to him in a new happy way.


I didnt want to say this on my original post to you at the risk of sounding presumptuous and I wasnt sure, but it kind of felt like Matts presence was "directing" me as I was writing the latter part of my post to you and I went with it, though Im not sure about it. Im still kind of new to this intuition thing (it was probably just my imagination). Anyway, Im happy to hear my words resonated with you and I hope it helps. I wish you the best.

SeaZen

I agree with every word, Greenslade.

Heidi... Imagine... If it were you who is in the afterlife, enjoying the light and love and your soul family there. Would you want Mark who is in this world to be thinking about you all the time, and suffering and longing for you? Or would you want him to be enjoying the life and love he has here?

Which is more in the way of True Love?


Xan

If you love someone don't cling but let go, so Love itself can bring you together at the right time and in the right way.


Xan

If you Love someone, set them free.

As I understand it from reading many books, your loved ones still love you, still come around you and still take an interest in your life.

Yes, it is said that the spirit word is a wonderful place, but it doesn't mean that you are abandoned or not thought of by your loved ones any more.

I certainly do not believe that he will have any more special relationships over there than he had with you! You had a special and unique bond with him and that love is a taster of heaven on earth because of that love.

So don't get caught up in fear. You had a special bond with Matt and that can never be taken away. It still exists and will always exist. The bond of love exists so strongly even after physical death that they make a huge effort to come and speak to people on earth through gifted mediums.

Sweet Annonafox....

Your fears and sadness are natural and a part of grieving. I would like to tell you of a message that came through me from my beloved husband and twin flame, also passed into spirit, going on some 12 years now. It was simply this:


He said the hardest part of dying is awakening from the dream [the dream being earth life in a finite body], but he said that then you begin to realize that you are waking to so much more! AND he said you take all that you experienced and felt here WITH YOU [it is not "forgotten" or left behind!]... all the love, all the experiences, all the memories. And you can check back in with those you love any time you like. It's as simple as focusing on them, and POOF! You are right there looking in, hearing their words and feeling their feelings.

I don't know if that is of comfort to you, but it surely was to me! I too feared he had "moved on"... that he was "too busy" to give his attention to earthly concerns or those he'd left behind. Not so! They still love and care about us, and though we will never be content with less than the love we shared human being to human being, never-the-less, we DO still have their love and from a more eternal place than this brief temporary experience. We must find what it is we are meant to do and why we are still here and go forth with that, and they remain ever in the background, cheering us on and providing such guidance as we are able to allow in. I say able to allow in, because I know that it's very hard to pull one's self out of grief and the heaviness of that grief and sorrow are very hard for those in the spirit realms to penetrate in order to commune with us. As time goes by and the intensity of your sorrow lifts somewhat, you may find yourself having all SORTS of contact with your beloved Matt... more than you ever hoped for!! Till then, sweet suffering lady, know that he sees you, loves you, and has not "moved on" or left you behind in any fashion. He is not something other than the Matt you knew and loved here... he is something MORE. All that he was here, and more! And so are you, my friend, you just can't feel it right now because of the heavy grief. In time you will reconnect with that aspect of yourself, and when you do it will be much easier for you and your beloved Matt to commune.

Holding you in the Light...

greetings would suggest to read a book by Niles MacFlouer called "AfterLife Love" because its based on some true facts about the soul

see description here

http://www.agelesswisdom.com/about_Afterlife%20Love.htm

Namaste

Left behind ...
 

The " what happens after death" question is a really big one... hard to just give a quick answer to. My husband of nearly 30 yrs died suddenly over 10 yrs. ago and there are times now that I miss him more than anyone would think possible. I watch a lot of John Edward and take comfort and "connect with " the stories folks there share. I try to listen more to the little signs and messages I get that let me know he is around , tho as one of the replies above mentioned, none of us really knows ... You grieve at times and you go on. Maybe some even get lucky enough to find that kind of love again.
One can only hope

I am reading this thread and have no wish to hijack it but I can relate to the OP totaly!
I have not long lost my wife and soul mate and have all the same questions and fears.
I'd just like to say all the best for this.

Mike

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm incredibly fortunate to be able to communicate with my twin soul who is in spirit. My situation is different to yours as we did not come to the physical world together this time - physically, I am on my own, though in every other sense I am not, because she is never away from my side and I am sure your partner is always with you if only you could feel him there. Twin souls are a part of one another for eternity and a silly little thing like death can't change that. My twin is my spirit cheerleader in everything I do and, though it's sad that we can't be together in this lifetime in the way we have been before, she never fails to bring me joy and I know the rest of eternity is ours.

Yes, the spirit world is wondrous, and you may be sure that your partner has reconnected with his soul group and other loved ones on the other side. But he can do that and be with you at the same time. If there is any change to the way we feel when we cross over then it is only that our love and compassion grows stronger. We cannot possibly forget the powerful relationships we experience in our physical bodies - those experiences are one of the reasons we take them on in the first place.

It is true that the moments you feel joy when you think of him are those in which he can most closely connect with you again. Please listen for him. It's tough for them to get through to us, but I know that he is doing his best to send his love to you. :hug2:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

This poem helps me every day it sounds like something matt would of written himself. Miss u Matt ur little sisxx

Hmmm. The way I see it, true Love unites in a way that dimensions do not break the bond. :hug2:

Can I reccomend a book by Anthony Borgia called 'Life in the world unseen' It is available in its entirety and for free if you Google it.
Being a guy I'm supposed to be rufty tufty but my quite recent loss has me in bits sometimes but only because of my sense of loss. I should and do know better because this person is often around and showed themselves in an extraordinary way on the day of their funeral. And do you know what, I'm sure I could hear them laughing. God Bless 'em. Life goes on for an absolute certainty. Have no fears of that.

G

LOVE LOVE LOVE

annonafox...sending love & light. I agree with what many have written here. Lightfilledheart's words rang very true...and as many have said, allow yourself time to grieve and find a new place and a new way to bring Matt's presence into your life.

if you wish & when are ready, I'm sure you will find someone in future. but who knows what life has in store? it may be you are called to share your light and your gifts in new ways. i understand that you will never have the same love...and just the experience of this love has changed you forever. and if you choose to remain unpartnered in this lifetime, there is nothing wrong with that. it's the love inside and the love you carry forward that matters. There is so much service we can do to nourish our own souls as well as give and sustain our human family.

if God had asked you if you wanted this love even though it would not be for this entire lifetime (due to temporary separation by physical death)...would you still have said yes? Of course...of course...so I would focus on the love in your heart...and wherever Spirit takes you in this lifetime, is good enough.

peace & blessings,
7L

The mayan oracles, helped me quite a lot, maybe it will help you.
In the search for truth, wholeness is inevitably discovered. Often the start glyph Ik, is represented by the sacred symbol "T", in Mayan this symbol means, "spirit", "Wind", "air", "divine breath".
You may doubt your oneness with Source, God, the afterlife, feeling that divinity is outside yourself, when in actuality Spirit lives in you as well, you are never alone, and our passed loved ones, always with us.
Separation from source, comes from the beginning when we decided to come to earth to grow, but our inner selves are always connected, gaining back the connection to source, can help bring heaven to earth, help us in mourning, to realize the truth in the afterlife, and that everything is okay.
You may hold strong beliefs in separation as a terrible, negative experience, which is perpetuated by fear and judgment. In physical form, everyone holds the energy apparent of separation. However the way in which you hold it also contains the key to your journey home to freedom. Perhaps you feel as if you've been locked in a prison of density and forgetfulness, possibly you react to this feeling of entrapment with sorrow, anger, despair, and guilt, as if you have been abandoned or betrayed. These feelings can be healed in the simple understanding that this was a necessary part of the evolutionary process of transmutation, the fulfilment of a larger plan. These feelings can be healed when you extend your arms to source, and allow your beloved and source to enter your very being now.
The very energy of these intense feelings of separation can propel you into freedom from their illusion. When you chose to come to matter, to incarnate as an emissary of the great changes of earth, you understood and agreed to the veil of forgetfulness. You knew that beyond appearance there was no separation.
This belief in separation can be seen as a loss of confidence and trust in the connection with source.
As this grand experiment unfolded there was a movement from divine consciousness into self centred consciousness, the creation of identity, that seemed to be separate from the creator. This exploring of self consciousness created the playing field of incarnation to fulfil its evolution. Discovering self identity, seems to create separation, but it actually brings about full consciousness. Bring heaven down to earth, feel Source inside of you.

Breath meditation to unite with source and love, Meditation on the beloved:
To do it, relax, and find your centre, simply follow the flow of your breath, in and out, in and out. As you watch your breath imagine Spirit as your beloved, or your beloved, and allow yourself to be infused with spirits power and love, allow yourself to feel that you are not alone. Allow the love to pour inside of you.

Deep inside you my friend, you know the truth of love!

Hugs and blessings always.

Grief is part of loss... the sun will shine again and you will see things differently.

Love .. simply is Love!

Nothing can change hearts that are true.

You are in my thoughts often "H"

Love always
"D"
:)
xoxoxox

Look at it this way. When parents pass away and leave children behind, do they forget about them? Are they unimportant to them? No! Yes earthly things become unimportant in the spirit world, but relationships are not forgotten. If anything, relationships are the only thing that continue to matter. And nothing can ever replace the relationships that Matt had while he once lived.

:hug2: to you Becca and :hug2: Annonafox,

Lovely poem of comfort ~

Thinking of you and remember, our loved ones are always & forever in our hearts ! ♥

blessings,
Dream Angel xx

I agree. Even though I am here seeking answers, or at least some support, I believe there are things we are simply not allowed to know while we are here, even if we were masters who did nothing our whole lives but try to attain spiritual perfection. Why do I feel this? Just makes sense to me. No one can produce much proof of anything that is not tangible which says a lot. they spend 20 billion on 1 plane, you think they could produce a spirit for god's sake.

I noticed when people in my life died that everyone approached it a different way. Some would move away 5 states and take on a grueling job. Someone else would not visit home for a while and focus on work. Another may cry for 3 months straight and pop pills. Others run to church every day. Someone else may drink themselves into a coma for a year until the pain subsides. We all have ways we cope, some healthy, some not. I found that time helped and talking with people who loved the person and knew them close to how I did helped a great deal.

I didn't really look into books. Every time I read a book I can find another author who totally disagrees. I try and go off personal experience, conversation, and as my deceased loved one would tell me, "Any port in the storm, dear." We do what we can when we can. I would suggest not putting your faith in one person's ideas, especially if they hurt or scare us.

Wish I had more answers as well. Sometimes it feels if we just "knew" it would make it easier, but maybe it wouldn't and that's why we're left to guessing.