Self reliance vs. dependency
 

My late wife, who was extremely psychic, just crossed over and I am caught up in a whirlpool of dependency needs since she was my whole life and, now that she's no longer here to direct my life, I'm (temporarily) in limbo.

When I had questions and problems in the past, she would often point at my chest and tell me that the answers were in "there". I always knew what she meant and so I'd turn within to find my answers and relief/comfort or whatever I was mistakenly looking for "out there". Due to some very deep spiritual/metaphysical/mystical studies and teachings, I knew the answers are within us/me but, due to a very dependent childhood, I often looked to others for solutions and safety/rescue. This is known as Codependency and I've also worked on that issue for a very long time.

After my wife crossed over, I visited a few psychics to communicate with her and usually get responses like: Get out there and begin living on your own terms or other "independence" style messages so I can see that she wants me to finally let go of my long standing dependency needs and take charge of my life on my terms.

Oddly, I have always known this but was just to timid and dependent to take the risks. I studied self esteem and self respect in therapy but am slow to make it real. While my late wife was here, I sunk back into the one-down/dependent position and waited for her to make decisions and set the pace of our marriage until she became too sick to do it any more and then she left shortly afterwards. She is still right here and pops in occasionally to "help" me but not as a tyrant or pest.

One of the psychics suggested I take psychic classes but it makes me think I'd just be going to others over and over to get some "answers" instead of turning within my self for those answers so I am resisting the idea to learn how to be psychic myself. I'd like to do psychic work but would probably fall into one-down co-dependency with it.

As the days roll by, I am finding more and more impulses to make my own decisions and move towards my own future as the courage to take a stand slowly emerges. One thing I am NOT going to do is leap into a relationship with some woman just to be safe and comfortable again. I can already see a tendency inside of me to go looking for another MOMMY to coddle and protect me from the frightening world out there! Whew, what a relief to know I no longer need a protective hero (like my older brother was) or a coddling, safe MOMMY and that I really can stand on my own two feet again.

When I left my 1st marriage, I almost went out there on my own but soon hooked up with my late wife and slowly went back down into dependency and lost the freedom that I had just for a few days! I don't regret turning to my late wife after leaving my 1st wife and we had a wonderful, happy, exciting and adventurous 25 years together. It's just that I can now see how I abandoned my self to become her co-dependent child which is now bothering me a little but with the help of self esteem work, I'll get past this and begin living again.
Are there any other Co-dependents out there? If so, how are you coping with life?

I just came across this excellent (I think) article on 'dependency' and ways of moving past it:

http://www.wisemushroom.org/how-to-o...al-dependency/

jimrich was 78 years old when he wrote this and was still learning his lessons he came to learn. It's never to late. He has an honest soul and so courageous for stepping out of his comfort zone.

Awesome testimony, thank you

I don't know for sure if that individual had a lesson he personally needed to learn but do we ever know about any particular individual, even about ourselves come to that? Life here in the physical, though, isn't about learning lessons as if we're bad school-children. Life is about experiencing situations here and from how we react our spiritual progression is enhanced - or so it has been taught.

That's the fundamental reason for life in this world; anything else follows on from that.

Methink if you take the idea of 'bad' out the sentence and the sentence may make the same sense as the rest of your comment.

I don't understand your comment.

The phrase "learning your lesson" is one commonly used as admonishment, children frequently being the object of admonishment, whether or not they had actually been 'bad'. That's why I wrote what I did.

Life here is not such a situation; we don't come to 'learn our lessons' or to have to put right things that others consider we have done wrong. We may choose to try to make up for what we decide we don't like about the way we lived but that's not learning our lesson either. :wink:

I learned a lot a 'good' 'lessons' in school and since which I am glad that I did because such 'learning' enabled me to lead a more satisfying (less frustrated, more productive, etc.) life. I in no way regarded such 'lessons' or those who advocated learning them being 'admonishing', although I do recognize that there are some unhappy/begrudging (who you've evidently encounteread) who regard and speak of them that way.


I agree with:


in spirit - :biggrin:

Happily you appear not to have encountered admonishment or you didn't see it as such. How I wish it were that way for all. :hug3:



quite - I'm sorry I failed to make it clear that I was referring to the situation after we have passed over, a situation we will have made at least some plans for before our return. It followed on from my earlier response: "Life here in the physical, though, isn't about learning lessons as if we're bad school-children. Life is about experiencing situations here and from how we react our spiritual progression is enhanced - or so it has been taught.

That's the fundamental reason for life in this world; anything else follows on from that."

I said nothing about being bad school children. We aren't bad. We are merely students learning. That is my opinion.