Abusive bad and angry parents in the afterlife
 

If someone had emotionally and physically abusive bad parents (very rough parents from the child perspective) that would often scold (shout) and beat-up their children.

What would happen when the children will go into the afterlife, will they meet their bad abusive parents there, or anyone that harmed or would harm them? Would the parents or anyone else still be angry, rough, bad and abusive?

Why not live 'now',in the present rather than entertain your thoughts on 'what if's'.

Just saying...

Not so easy to do some kids are traumatised by their past counselling is needed in some cases.
no you do not need to have any contact with your parents in the spirit world if you don't want to


Namaste

If one is abusive in this life, this does not mean he or she will be an abusive spirit, on the other side, what ever we might call the other side. There are different "levels". Often our greatest enemies are our greatest friend on the other side. Only very close friend will play difficult roles to us. This does not mean there are not very negative spirits who have not evolved and are stuck, which means they come with this messed up mind set into this life and are perhaps working to get out of their own mess. If someone is in a vicious cycle, it is not easy to get out of it without help.
If you don't want to run into them on the other side, perhaps work on yourself now. Letting go, forgiveness are the key, for yourself and for them.
Every situation, or event has the potential to teach us something.

I agree with Native. It isn't a matter that they aren't abusive in the spirit world. What matters is you don't want anything to do with them in the spirit world. NO you do not have to have anything to do with them.

I am in a similar situation and though I have healed and moved on I do not want anything to do with those who abused me. And I don't have to. Being in their presence is not part of healing.

Some thoughts based on my beliefs about the after-death state:

When we die we go to an astral realm which corresponds to our own vibration where we are surrounded by others of a similar vibration. For the average person, such a realm would not include those who were violent and abusive, as these violent abusive people would be on a lower astral realm.

Our after-death experience includes a life review, where we see our entire life from a higher perspective. This includes all that we have done and the consequences of our actions. We also understand why things happened as they did, and we may realise that there were perhaps karmic reasons why we had angry abusive parents who were there to fulfil particular roles in our life.

The angry abusive parents who have died will also have experienced their own life reviews, where they see what they have done and the consequences. They may be filled with remorse and regret at how they behaved while on Earth, and they may want to see you and apologise.

Whatever astral realm we go to after death, we continue to learn and change, and as we change so we can move to higher realms. This also applies to angry abusive parents and others who may have harmed us. After death, if we do meet those people who harmed us, they may be quite different.

And there is a big difference between being a vulnerable child on the physical plane, dependent on the adults around us, and being a mature adult on the astral plane. We have the power to make choices, and maybe one of these choices will be to forgive angry abusive parents. And we can choose to forgive them now, while still on Earth.

Peace.

I am a very slow learner.

A tangent off, but in the same idea...
 

A few nights ago my elder and I were chatting about afterlife. Where do you go?

My elder said we go where ever we believe we will go. So, if I believe I will go to the diner and have pie. That is where I will go.

I suppose it is like setting my intentions? But on the idea we create the landscape of our afterlife “reality.”

Who will be there? I do not know who else would choose the same landscape. The Grand Canyon or Disney World might be a bit crowded. If a lot of people allow themselves or believe they can choose this.

Would a person who harmed me show up at the diner? I do not know.

When we die would we become our “beautiful self,” shedding off the past physical body and karma that was worked through this go around.

Would we even recognize the “beautiful self” or soul of anyone that we met during our earth bound time? Would I meet souls of a similar vibration or would I meet others who love diner pie?

I have my own story of an abusive parent who I have since forgiven.

In fact I hope this parent will meet me when I pass over.

I believe forgiveness is one of my lessons in this 'semester' of life.

I fully agree with linen53, as I had very extremely bad experience with my parents in terms of humiliation , ignorance and even theft of my dues.

Anyway, I did PLR session and found that it was to balance bad karmas to what I did to them in past births; however through an Adept advice forgive them and under his guidance I was able to cut my Silver Cord linking our Group souls to finish our karmic account here in this birth as my dad was really evil and I deliberately didn’t retailiated- though could have.

Now even if I come across them in After life, I too will not like to interact to restart karmic circle with these evil souls. Interestingly my dad soul comes in my dreams and is always sheepishly guilty but I even in my sub conscious stage ignores him

Lol, yes forgiveness is all our lessons!!! :smile:
Ah, the freedom.

Not many think about that...and it stops them from going into therapy here.
They think (ha, unconsciously) they will have to relive the abuse as child.

What seems to happen is there is a reconciliation between parents and children.

And my thoughts on your other questions are; the simple answer is no. The longer answer is, in my studies of the afterlife, I've come to the conclusion that we have the ability to empathize with everyone. We are one and what we perceive as good/bad/evil appears not to have the same meaning over there. In heaven if you want to call it that, there is only love and acceptance. No one will hurt you, and no one will want to hurt you. For even the abuser spirit will experience during their life review their own abusive behavior they did to others; they will learn from it. If they don't let go of their carnal urges to hurt others they will not embrace the light.

Ah, but I did have to relive it with the child within me. It's a very painful process to deal with what was done many years ago. And the adult in me was helpless as the child expressed her wounds.

Logic goes by the wayside as I watched the child bleed in front of me. But the only way to heal is to preserver on.

Here's something to consider:

What we are here, what we experience here, has a whole new perspective when we leave this reality. We do not carry our hurts -whether we were hurting or we hurt others. Instead we are introduced, without work or struggle, into a reality of pure understanding. We recognize the journey that we have just been through and have a thousand-amplified appreciation for the creation of US that each moment birthed. There is no forgiveness because there is only joyful reunion: re-union.

All That Is IS all that is.

How do you learn Unconditional Love where there are no conditions? It would render Unconditional Love meaningless. Do you learn forgiveness from having nothing to forgive, do you learn repentance from nowhere?


If you're asking that question from your own experience, the only question worth asking is "What do I want to Live with in my Heart?" You find a way to clear it out, to make your experiences a part of yourself and realise that there's so much more below the surface.


When you've turned your hurts into a halo you'll know the reasons.

This suggests that whatever our level of development we immediately become all-wise after physical death. Many, including myself, would disagree. The after-death literature describes those who do not even realise that they have physically died because (for them) little has changed. There does seem to be a life review at some stage where we view our lives from the perspective of the Soul and we see our journey and all that we have experienced from a higher perspective.

I suspect that there is more to the death process than just letting go of the physical body. If personality remains then the limitations of personality persist for varying lengths of time until finally the emotional and mental bodies also "die". The consciousness rests in the "reality of pure understanding". For advanced Souls this may come soon after the physical body has died. For less advanced Souls this process is more gradual.

Peace.

Yes, there are many, many varieties of after death beliefs. I personally believe what I suggested the OP consider, but people will always have their choices based on what resonates with them :-)

From my own experience, no you don't. But, it is for your benefit to forgive them, and cut those cords of emotional attachment and move on from the experience. That way you aren't linked to them in the next life experience. Anything that you hold on to..will be around in the next life...it's law of attraction, for good or ill.

I do not talk to my dad, but I have forgiven him, even pray for him time to time...if I even think about him..but I have no attachment to him anymore. My life is better without him in it. He's not allowed to harm me. He is truly and honestly forgiven, and I wish him well.I don't feel anything but peace. I do not see myself going to his funeral, unless it's to support my brothers and sisters...however, I have moved on ...so that's a very slight chance. I have already said and done what I needed to. I do not suffer from the things he did to me anymore, I have healed from it...it would've been nice to have a loving father...but it just wasn't going to be him. I do not blame or shame him. If I go to his funeral, it will be to put beautiful roses of all shades on his grave...but as love. It's worth adding, my father raised me, soley.

But his job here, is done. Thank you Daddy...

And I want to add something of spiritual importance...

You are not losing a parent soley..
Yes, you feel that loss initially, and if like me, may take decades and spiritual growth, in the maximum degree...to reach this point. For many others, sooner or later.

But you will gain independence, freedom, liberation, self confidence, pride, self acceptance, strength, a new way of family bloodline (if you have children) a new way of life for your bloodline, success for your descendants, ect.

And it started with the strongest, and bravest one...who lost everything ....to give back everything, to many generations to come.

Sacrifice, and honor do not come without years of tears, loss, and grief.

As long as your actions mirror your good intentions...you are sacrificing for the betterment of your bloodline, and you in the long run. That's a true warrior, and pioneer of spirit.

And may the fruit of your labor shine*

You do matter...your life matters ..but you have to ask yourself
.how far do you want to take this, how far are you willing to go...how much are you willing to lose...so that you are able to start over, and may never see the top of success of your sacrifice for generations to come...

My father is still an abusive tyrant, who enjoys destroying others...including my brothers and sisters who can't break free...

But as my now deceased beautiful, loving in laws say....no good deed goes unpunished.

I even asked an older wiser therapist (I was young), if I could NOT have to see my father
in the Afterlife...she said it was all loving and No, you will see him when you want to.

Decades later...I understand by grace giving me a 'supernatural' altered state
experience that
this terrible father was really such a friend he came to
treat me as I had others so I would 'see'...and stop it once and for all.

I hate repeating myself with that story so much...but I have to on a forum.

Learn the wisdom of your parents, your poverty, your beatings, your belittlement...it is all custom made for YOU. :hug3:

But you don't have to believe me...tho, everything was orchestrated just for YOU!
All the people you have ever met, every car you almost hit, every teacher, every remark...the leaf falling in front of you.
I wish for everyone to one day have this realization...it's like seeing your life flash in front of you...it is something!
No intellectualizing or just believing this is true will ever compare to 'seeing'
your whole life and all its stuff being 'on purpose'....for you to be at this very moment in time...

I do think that physical death solves or resolves nothing in and of itself...it's forever on us to bring awareness into every moment and take ownership in every moment. Whether now or after physical death, it's what we bring to our eternal consciousness in every moment.
So the real question is always, what do you do right now? In this moment.

Forgiveness is good. Deeper reconciliation is always best but requires all parties to engage and take ownership. It's not even steven. In any given situation or relationship, you may need to do the lion's share of the repenting and making amends and to truly and actively seek and support their highest good...and then they (one or more others) need to be able to open to forgiveness when they are healed and ready to do so. Or vice-versa. This process in itself may take lifetimes, it all depends. Nothing can be forced or manipulated -- that is deeply misaligned.

All you can do is own your own behaviour and as much as possible, be and do from centre with authentic love (lovingkindness and equanimity), seeking the highest good of the other(s) equally to the self...AND the highest good of the self equally to others.

I don't think there is anything to be achieved, ultimately, other than right-alignment with Spirit in authentic love. There is IMO no justification for the misalignment behind the vast proportion of being and doing that is not right-aligned with Spirit and is not authentic love or authentically loving. There's just a bunch of hopes, dreams, thoughts, and theories as to why it occurs which, IMO, basically amount to...because misalignment. There is IMO no excuse, reason, or rationale for being and doing misalignment. Having it done to you is no reason, justification, or excuse to perpetrate it onto others. Following orders/dogma/authority or going along with society's rules or norms is no excuse to perpetrate misalignment onto others. Etc.

First, IMO tit-for-tat (whether now or in some other life) doesn't work to progress us or elevate us, and it never has. What did most of us learn on the receiving end of violence or harm except, as we already knew, that it's bad. Darkness does not conquer (or transform or transmute or transcend) darkness, only light. Hatred does not conquer hatred, only light. Misalignment does not conquer misalignment...only authentic love, only right-alignment in Spirit, can do that.

Second, we have to begin taking ownership for our own actions. Once the smallest amount of maturity, decency, awareness, and ownership dawns, then we realise this at the most foundational level. That we are each responsible for the love we give...or, the hate we give. Or the violence, cruelty, deception, exploitation, or manipulation we give.

Third, IMO it's not our place to excuse or justify the cruelty or hate or violence we have received. It's our place simply to acknowledge and own that it happened, that it was misaligned, and that it is not something we want to be and do going forward. Likewise, it's on us to own the same, with full acknowledgement, when we have perpetrated misaligned behaviour onto others. For those harms we give, we need to work on healing ...to seek to own it, to make amends, and to stop the behaviour going forward -- to be and do differently, with greater right alignment. It is up to others how or when they are ready to receive our offer of amends, and it may or may not happen in any one lifetime.

Likewise, for those harms we receive, we need to care for and look after our own healing and to forgive as deeply as we are able whenever we are able. If possible and if it's safe, it is deeply transformational spiritually to be open to those who come to sincerely make amends -- with sincere contrition and repentance (acknowledging the wrong done, turning away from the behaviour), who actively seek a spiritual reconciliation here and now.

However, if this is not yet possible or safe for you, and you work on healing and mourning regarding those who have harmed you apart from them, that's ok too. Many of these things have accrued over lifetimes. As such, others cannot force a reconciliation upon you simply by repenting and seeking to make amends. However, if you are able to safely make contact and receive a genuine offer of reconciliation, it is among the most deeply transformative spiritual experiences of any and all lifetimes -- not to be missed in any lifetime, ideally.

Likewise, on the other hand, if the other is not offering this remorse, repentance, amends, and a sincere attempt at reconciliation, then this consciously chosen mutual engagement for the purpose of reconciliation and spiritual healing is not possible -- and thus it is a moot point. Your 1-sided forgiveness from afar is all you can offer -- when you are ready and able. And it is as much for the universe and the tapestry in general (offering prayers on behalf of the highest good for all sentient beings)...as it is for yourself (the freedom of letting go of wrongs done to you which the other(s) have not yet owned). Because until these others come to the place of full acceptance and ownership -- which immediately leads to a strong desire for alignment with centre....for true repentance and true amends...then they're not there yet (and will likely continue to act in deeply misaligned ways, often with little or no remorse) and that's their journey, their row to hoe. You cannot force them or will them to be where they are not...and too often, where they are actively fighting not to take ownership, and not to live in awareness. Having being awakened to these deeper realities, you meanwhile have your own journey and your own row to hoe.

In sum, on the third point, I strongly advocate for reconciliation and foundational, transformative spiritual healing wherever possible -- and I feel true reconciliation is worth offering as many times as you are able to do so -- equally, that forgiveness is worth offering as many times as you are able. But, if you have forgiven and you cannot reconcile as it requires all parties to engage -- then do simply send prayers and blessings for their highest good and go forward on your journey in right alignment, without justifying or excusing any of their (or your) misaligned behaviour.

Peace & blessings :hug:
7L

My opinion on this sort of thing has changed over the years. I use to feel that our soul was evolving and our human self was a reflection of the soul. This led to the belief there are bad souls in the universe. I no longer believe that. I believe there are unevolved humans but the behavior that is considered bad or even evil remains in this realm and is not carried with us. I believe bad behavior is a product of our mind, ego and is fear based as a result of a brain wired for survival or just plain old badly wired brain. The threat of death or harm, real or unreal, provokes people to lash out in the moment or offload it randomly on innocent people who happen to cross their path. Our soul is pure and sheds the earthly baggage after reacclimating to the spirt world. A good analogy that helped me to formulate this opinion is that our soul is like the sun, forever brilliant and shining strong. It may get clouded over at times but it still remains burning bright behind the clouds despite the fact we can't see it. The clouds represent the human mind and all the misguided ideas beliefs and fears that affect human behavior and keep us from knowing our true brilliance. But once we leave this realm we leave the clouded thinking behind. That said, I would suspect if we had a contentious or abusive relationship with our parents or anyone else, they wouldn't likely be the ones to greet us as we crossed over and would only reconnect after we have been reacclimated.