My existence is a joke, anymore!
 

I don't know what went wrong but I can't catch a break! Everyone keeps saying that I haven't improved and that's a load of cr@p! There's this one person (I'm not going to mention his name) but what he said about me, was just awful. He said that I don't represent the Autism spectrum, along with Chris Chan. That infuriates me, to no end! Seriously, I think this world is getting worse and worse, everyday. Don't try to hide it! Anyways, is it possible I was given the WRONG life? I'm beginning to question my insanity and how I feel like nobody cares about me, except my mother, sister, and niece, or a few other people in my family. I cannot take it, anymore. I'll be so glad when I'm reborn as a girl and this same timeframe. This life is nothing but a big, fat, lie! I'm even having thoughts of suicide, because this life is just getting worse and worse! Nobody will believe me, or give me a chance and they always shun me, like I'm some bad person and quite frankly I'm getting really sick of it! I'm at the point where I really don't even care if I die! At least I could start over, back on April 14, 1988 and this awful timeline will cease to exist, for me!

Hi Blake. As others pointed out to you in your other threads, your thinking is illogical. In another thread you state the world is soon coming to an end, and that you're happy about it. So what's with all the angst? You should be celebrating.

My guess is you don't really want that, and that you're in fact looking for help. Otherwise you wouldn't bother posting in a public forum. One-on-one therapy would be my suggestion, it helped me.

I really don't you or your situation. I have to tell you, you weren't born in the wrong life! You CAN'T focus on what's wrong or what you think is intitiled to you. Yesterday is gone and old news you can't change it just learn from it. If you think your intitiled to something, you maybe wrong and wasteing your energy and time on the wrong things causing a backlash.

When I suffered from depression years ago, people would actually say to me, "C'mon, stop being that way, just be HAPPY!"

I'd say the same applies here. If the individual is too damaged, they cannot see it, and no amount of coaxing and/or cap exclamations will change anything. Therapy is about the only thing that will make any difference. Now, if the individual refuses to do even that much, then there is nothing anyone can say or do for them. And there are in fact people who like to wallow in their own misery, and in part because it's the easier path. Whereas doing something about it requires effort and work.

Before my wife and I met she suffered from depression. She never said much about it except for a empty void feeling.its odd she rarely mentions it, I am guessing it was just a bad place to be. I don't know how she worked out of it or whatever ever you call it. I can only imagine it's something that always lingers to some point. I am sure it helps just have someone to listen.

Hallow, another thing that helps heal, is love. It sounds like your loving relationship together has helped her. So there is that as well. Unfortunately, most people are forced to deal with these issues alone; they aren't lucky enough to have someone to love and help them.

I understand, I am can be a better listener then a talker. If anyone needs an ear I would do my best to help.

Blake, I'm sorry about your painful circumstances.

Keep in mind that our words are powerful and manifest experiences in our lives. For example, suppose I kept saying, especially with strong emotion, something like, 'I hate myself! I'm so pathetic! I wish I were dead! I'm such a worthless loser!' You see, if you SAY things like that, you'd be CREATING the very things you're saying.

If you said, 'Life is wonderful. I really love my life.' You'd be creating that experience.

Don't worry if you don't fully feel what you're saying, or even if you don't fully believe it. Be POSITIVE. Don't say negative things.

I suggest you come up with some affirmations. Spend a few minutes every day (even just a minute or two is long enough) repeating them. Even if you don't fully believe them, that's okay. Just repeat positive words, and you'll be CREATING positive experience.

Some examples of affirmations are:

- I love my life.

- I am worthy.

- I love other people, and my relationships are healthy.

- Life is good.

- All is in divine order.

- My thoughts and feelings are positive and healthy.

- Everything is okay.

ANY positive thought that you would like to manifest is a suitable affirmation.

All is well.

Do what I do....ask to see that person's degree in psychiatry, where he/she would be suitably qualified to make such an outlandish claim, or else tell them to shut the hell up. You really need to play it smart with people who don't believe you because it suits them... irrespective of medical fact.

Likewise, try not to use your autism as a crutch or a fallback mechanism, but do realise that it gives you certain limitations, but allows you to excel in other areas.

I always had a fight with it over my total geeky clumsiness...if there is a rug, an extension lead, a shoe, a piece of paper etc in the middle of the floor, I will trip...It is as inevitable as the sun rises...yet, it always used to frustrate and infuriate me no end...until I chalked it down to my Autism... nothing more or less and now, I just laugh it off every time it happens as being a mere symptom of the malady that I am learning to live with and turn it into my friend, rather than my enemy.

Being Autistic is nothing to be ashamed of...in fact, it lets you get away with saying and doing things that neurotypical people would never dare...So go for it...but taking a Martial Arts class is also a good idea in case it backfires and they decide to job you in the nose...It usually doesn't get to that stage though.

Thing is, with Autism, a painful decision needs to be made...You can either be totally free and extremely lonely...or be popular, have friends and become a prisoner within your own mind and there is no way out of this...You can't have "both" and there is no "middle ground" so decide well, my friend.

As an addition to the above, I am going to do you a huge solid here... I recommend a specific forum for people just like us. I am a member there, but I haven't visited the place in quite a while...It just seemed like I had no reason to anymore, but it is a totally awesome and amazing place for all those with the lived experience of autism. Please browse and join.

Wrong Planet Forums:

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/