Top 5 Regrets People Make on their Deathbed
 

By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.

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originally posted at http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Re...the-Dying.html

Oh, wow, yinepu. This is pure gold. Invaluable. Ty so much for sharing this stuff, this wisdom.

Hey silvergirl it was sent to me by an old friend whos wife died of cancer. it is very interesting hey !

Dear yinepu,

It is wonderful. Thanks for posting! :hug:

TISS

Wow, I better stay out of this thread.:smile:

However, I will offer to you the 8th and last task of Erik Erickson's life stages and tasks:
The last task is to realize that one's life had to be exactly the way it was. No other life was possible.

So, why wait until one is dying before looking at this and realize its truth?

This what you talking about pd? shrug. I don't see that EE is saying each and every person's life HAS to be "X", it doesn't appear to be what he's saying at all...?

Yes, I studied the stuff a long time ago and that definition, athough accurate, seems somewhat incomplete. I can't give you a reference to a more in-depth discussion right now.
You are also right in saying that EE does not say it has to be 'X' but that this is the last task in one's life. Isn't it sad that most people seem to fail to perform and conclude that to their satisfaction?

So how many people here can relate to the top 5 ?

For me, #2 and #4 don't mean much. I like working hard and people go on and do other things in their lives, get married, and all that, so people tend to leave a lot. I like being on my own, too. The rest of them I think change as you get older, you look at things differently.

Yes Yinepu that is pure gold……………not much about what is generally talked about on spiritual forums in there. Lol
You ask how many can relate and I would have to say that I relate to the 5 but only in a way that knows that I will never have such regrets on my deathbed.
I don’t have them now.
I guess I have observed the grief spoken of in this thread come out in others and I have taken notes. I'm very aware of just how precious life's moments are and I seem to have always been that way.
Awesome thread………….wise words. I really love number 5.
James