crush
 

I have a crush on someone and i hate it. I think it's because of my low self-esteem and because he doesn't like me back. If I were prettier he probably would. Also. I don't want any kind of romantic relationship with him because we are totally unsuitable for each other. But i think that my secret and repressed hopes for some kind of future with him are also clouding my judgement.

I can't avoid him because of things and I also like hanging out with him but I close up because of my low self-esteem and wish to please him.

Any comforting words?

Try to work on your self esteem for your overall wellbeing and balance. Enjoy the feel-love feelings of the crush in the meantime.

I'm scared that he will notice so i try to act cool and can't enjoy the feeling. (which is also noticable)

Unrequited love, or having a crush on someone who is not interested, is very difficult. You cannot stop thinking about that person and you just want to be with him/her, but when you are with that person you are just as miserable because they are not responding to you as you want. And then we look for signs in their words or behaviour that they might feel the same way, even though we know that they don't, and we end up feeling miserable and confused. Having a crush also brings all our inner neediness to the surface, (as you say, you just want to please him) so we cannot just be ourselves when we are with that person. All in all, it can be horrible.

The good news is that it will pass. It may take time, but gradually it gets easier.

You say that you have low self-esteem. This is something you can work on, whether through affirmations, self-hypnosis, whatever works for you. It would also help to understand why you have low self-esteem - presumably it goes back to your childhood, as most of these things do.

It also sounds as if love is missing from your life, and perhaps this guy represents the love you are looking for. Maybe you think he will fill a hole in your life and you will feel more complete. So maybe the place to begin is by learning to love yourself exactly as you are - there is nothing wrong with you. And be open to finding love with someone else - if you meet someone else then all your painful feelings around this guy will quickly fade.

I hope you find some peace and love in your life.

personally, i wish it were possible to just say what we feel and let the chips fall where they may... at least that would be more honest...

Hi Tuesday,

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I, myself, know how hard it is to have a crush on someone. In my own situation, I do feel there are some reciprocated feelings, although to what depth is questionable. As this person is technically not available, only time will tell if there will ever be anything that comes from this crush. But as long as he isn't available, I will not pursue him, only crush about him in private. What is hard, is trying to keep my focus off of the crush and on reality and life. And to let what is supposed to happen, happen.

With that said, I have to point out something you said:
"If I were prettier he probably would."

If that is the quality this person gauges his love/like of you then he isn't someone to waste time on. Friendship-of course, mutual love relationship-no. He would never be what you need/want.

I truly believe that if someone loves you, they find you beautiful. No matter what faults you may or may not have.

For example, how many times have your friends been ga-ga over some guy and think he is absolutely gorgeous? Yet you look at him and he reminds you of some ape species that may have gone extinct years ago? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if someone loves you all they see is your beauty.

Easier to believe when you say it to someone else. Harder to live when it is your own heart being battered around. So this in no way discounts the hurt, confusion and depression you may (or again, may not) be experiencing around this crush.

Good luck to you and I hope you find some peace. Time will tell you one way or the other. If it is meant to be, it will happen. If it isn't, your feelings will eventually subside and you may wonder why you ever liked him in the first place.

The best place to start is to try to start loving yourself for who you really are. A perfect being exactly as you are supposed to be. Mediation is a great place to start and positive thinking. Even when you don't feel it, tell yourself you are beautiful/wonderful/amazing. That your life is awesome. It may sound like fluff but it really can work.

Sorry for the novel, your post just reached out to me and what i have experienced myself.