Think I'm the runner - any advice?
 

Hi everybody. I'm new, but have been reading here for days now. I've learned a lot.

I think I'm the runner. I cut off contact with my sc a few months ago because of the intensity and, selfishly, I need our relationship to be more concrete. I'd tried in the beginning to bring it into the real world, but she became upset (very). The thought of hurting her in any way is crushing to me. It seemed like later she tried to bring us to a material connection, but I'd already set in my mind I wasn't ever going to hurt her again so I ignored everything. I had no idea I had so much strength. :)

A couple of weeks ago she started our mental connection again. We've always had indirect ways of verifying that communication and now it seems like we're right back where we started. I just don't think I can go through what I went through months ago with this thing.

After reading here, I followed someone's advice to give her positive affirmations of unconditional love through our mental connection. I feel so torn right now. I'm afraid to do anything or say anything to her for fear of upsetting her again. Yet, I can't help but feel there is something more I should do.

Mm what do u mean ull upset her? That shell run?

Yeah, I don't fully understand either. I don't know if I'm reading it right, but are you trying to say that you wanted a more definitive relationship and she didn't so you ran?

That's a good question, Impulsv. I wasn't thinking that she'd run. She's been hurt in love so how I feel is upsetting to her. Think that's a part of it.

Question why are you running?
What are you afraid of? Within yourself that'll make you chase her away?

Yes, Vanilla Rayne, that and the intensity of how I was feeling is what made me run. I even stuttered once and I've never stuttered before. I couldn't seem to "cool" this off for myself.

There's a lot to it, as it sounds like there is for everyone, but I don't think I have fear. I might though. I will think about that one, Jenhearther. :)

, but I'd already set in my mind I wasn't ever going to hurt her again so I ignored everything. -sounds like you are afraid to hurt her, that my friend is a fear..

I just don't think I can go through what I went through months ago with this thing.- you doubt yourself also a fear..

I'm afraid to do anything or say anything to her for fear of upsetting her again. Also a fear..

Need I say more.

But yes, look within good idea.

Yeah, lol, guess you got me there. Seriously, I'm pretty sure though based on what I know she's the fearful one. So, in dealing with someone who is fearful I do all that I can to make them comfortable. I may have tried too hard with that is what I wonder.

My tf flame said he was afraid to hurt me. . To me if I'm willing to risk heartbreak why make it your problem. I'm Stronger than he thought n courageous. Don't decide for me. What did he think I'd die from heartbreak I'd rather try than live with regret.
Just my opinion. But yes I could never understand that fear. The audacity to think I'm weak lol jk
Seriously though I always sensed it was more about his fear of getting hurt given bad heartbreak he had in past n making himself vulnerable again.

So u said how u feel upsets her? What does that mean your running.
One thing I've learned is that in these intense moments we need to express our boundaries to tf. For example telling it is really intense but need a little breathing room but u love her and not going anywhere.

Fellow fish, i can only bring my own experience in, in no way i'm saying it's the same situation, but it never hurts to listen to what happened to another person.
So similar, my case...a great connection with someone who simply looked to evade 3d reality. Thats not balanced, sorry. As long as we are here i think we are supposed to respect the material and honor this aspect uf us too, not thinking of it as impure, it's God's creation too so we cannot just want to run away because we cannot cope with it.
Be careful of repeating patterns of tensions, breakups and periods of perfect love after, victimization processes etc etc...signs of psychic vampirism. We fish love to help and often are victims of cunning individuals. I'm NOT saying this is your case, but better safe than sorry ;)