Spiritual Forums - Recovery and Moving on after TF relationship

So we were involved for a year and a half. In linear time that's short, but if you know how a TF connection works it could've been 10 or 20 years because of the depth and intensity.
It didn't end the way I'd hoped and the way I felt. Then there's healing and eventually moving on.
That took a little over 2 years. The main healing about a year and a half. I never was like latching on, not wanting to let go and so on. If nothing else, I wanted to move on, to heal, to let go. No way was I going to let my life go to waste because of something like what had happened! It's not how I'm wired.
Of course you cannot will yourself to heal, it takes time, especially after such a deep connection.
I know he couldn't really let go either, kept feeling the bond etc. (he told me a few times) but in spite of that he didn't come back. Which helped me to let go. I mean, if you truly discover you made a mistake you correct it. He didn't. I had a window open for about a month and a half for him to return, then it closed. For good.
I know he came to realize he made a huge mistake, but I'm not open for getting back together again. Feeling that way, genuinely feeling that way, did help.
But there was a 'but': even though healed from most of it and was over the trauma, I could not get my heart to open again. No matter what I did, meditations and cleansings, it remained shut. One visualisation in one of Judy Hall's Crystal Prescription helped me check out the state of my Heart Temple. And Lo' and behold: a big part was in his hands! Like a huge dome covering that area -about 1/3- and he was feeling almost entitled to it. Not in a nasty way btw. He did hand it back though. And I felt much better after that. But... still couldn't really get my heart to open.
It actually began to annoy me! As in seriously annoy me! I wanted to move on, find someone new.
Then suddenly a few days ago I read elsewhere "Are you available?", meaning 'are you emotionally available to love?"
First thing I felt was "Hell YES!" My heart blew open, my entire energy system relaxed and opened up, including the belly area which is extremely important in love, especially for women.
I was almost shocked to realize and feel that finally, FINALLY, I AM ready again!! My heart is open again, yeeehaaa!
Looking back I could actually feel this for some weeks now, but I just wasn't fully aware of it. Reading that one question opened my eyes.

My happiness made me post this. To let you know that you CAN heal and you CAN move on. You just have to want it.
I don't feel him, I also shut that off. In the first few weeks after the breakup I felt him at my Solar Plexus, trying to get a foot in the door. This is a subconscious doing of someone who feels he's shut out. Because he was, I'd closed my Solar Plexus off for him. Don't ask me how, I haven't a clue. Probably by sheer willpower of not letting him in again, ever.
After a few weeks that began to dissipate, which was good as I was done with that sensation there all the time. And again, that has to do with wanting to let that go. At first I kind of enjoyed him reaching out, knocking at the door, but I quickly got enough of that.

So I don't feel him, don't pick up anything, which is how I want it. You can control this yourself too. If you subconsciously want to have the connection intact you may never be rid of it. But I don't. I know I partially keep it severed myself, but also with help of Higher beings because it is in my best interest. They don't allow it. And I'm grateful for that.

Now I feel I'm ready to date again, and to find my true love this life. I don't think it will be quite the same as with TF, but that's okay. You can still have a deep bond and deep love. A high Soulmate connection is what I'm after. And the love of my life who will give me what TF didn't.
And for the doubters: that's totally fine with me! This is what I want, true love with a glorious Soulmate and living happily ever after!
I can now visualize being with another man, and feel it too. It's wonderful. Even my sexual interest is returning, as that had sort of withered as well.
All I can say is: dang, this feels so good!! I feel so good!

May my story inspire other TFs.
:hug3: