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-   -   Am I being selfish? (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=118170)

Raimu 05-11-2017 03:39 AM

Am I being selfish?
 
Am I being selfish?

I’ve recently terminated my relationship with my friend. No matter how much I try I can’t trust her anymore.

All her life, she has this negative, stubborn, pessimistic attitude on her that drains me. I know deep down in my heart that she needs support and help but I can’t help her anymore because she is so rigid and don’t want to change. She has this attitude that “this is what I want”/”I can’t do it” and her life choices always bring her harm in the long run. She don’t listen to adults, to her friends or to anyone. She is argumentative and always have “alibis” and “reasons” for everything, instead of finding a solution to a problem she always find excuses.

Recently, something happened that made me loathe her and she broke my trust.

She is working in my business and I am wondering if it is okay to not allow her to work for me? I am weeding out negativity in my life and it makes me sick whenever I see her.

Am I being selfish for thinking about myself?
What do you guys think? :icon_frown:

Nature Grows 05-11-2017 03:59 AM

Of course its ok to distance yourself from her if you feel like it, if you try seeing that however she is acting towards you is just where she is at, at the moment and not really about you then that could help reduce your anger towards her, but still ok to have healthy boundary's.

Raimu 05-11-2017 04:36 AM

How do you define healthy and unhealthy boundaries Nature_Grows?

Nature Grows 05-11-2017 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raimu
How do you define healthy and unhealthy boundaries Nature_Grows?

Hey Raimu.

unhealthy boundaries: Staying with someone/allowing someone to keep on abusing you in anyway, physically, emotionally or mentally.

You don't have to feel bad about letting someone go from your life if thats what you want to do, if you can't talk it out and figure it out between the both of you or you don't even want to or thats not an option it's alright, you don't have to hate them while you let them go but if you do thats ok, feelings are ok, you just say im sorry, but for my own well being i need to let these people go now, it might just be the universes way of telling you it's time to move along from these people now.

Snow Goose 05-11-2017 08:00 AM

There is nothing wrong with moving on from any relationship that is creating negativity in your life especially if you have tried to work on the relationship and the other person hasn't.

Regards with business, is this person an employee of yours? You may find you have employment law problems if you turn around and fire them without good cause so beware.

Raimu 05-11-2017 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nature Grows
Hey Raimu.

unhealthy boundaries: Staying with someone/allowing someone to keep on abusing you in anyway, physically, emotionally or mentally.

You don't have to feel bad about letting someone go from your life if thats what you want to do, if you can't talk it out and figure it out between the both of you or you don't even want to or thats not an option it's alright, you don't have to hate them while you let them go but if you do thats ok, feelings are ok, you just say im sorry, but for my own well being i need to let these people go now, it might just be the universes way of telling you it's time to move along from these people now.


Thank you for your wisdom Nature_Grows. :smile:

I stop talking to her because she keeps lying to me. Her action doesn't match her words and I am wondering if she's making me feel like a fool. No matter how much I try I can't seem to trust her anymore, and seeing her everyday makes me upset and I felt betrayed and used.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snow Goose
There is nothing wrong with moving on from any relationship that is creating negativity in your life especially if you have tried to work on the relationship and the other person hasn't.

Regards with business, is this person an employee of yours? You may find you have employment law problems if you turn around and fire them without good cause so beware.


Yes, she is my employee. I am actually lenient on her, I just hire her for the reason that she desperately need a job.
Don't worry, I got things handled about employment issues.

Nature Grows 05-11-2017 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raimu
Thank you for your wisdom Nature_Grows. :smile:


lol, thanks no problem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raimu
I stop talking to her because she keeps lying to me. Her action doesn't match her words and I am wondering if she's making me feel like a fool. No matter how much I try I can't seem to trust her anymore, and seeing her everyday makes me upset and I felt betrayed and used.


Oh alright, well seeing as she works with you, it's good to work with people you can trust in your business.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raimu
Yes, she is my employee. I am actually lenient on her, I just hire her for the reason that she desperately need a job.
Don't worry, I got things handled about employment issues.


You da boss!

ocean breeze 05-11-2017 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raimu
Am I being selfish?



Does it matter? Would it change anything?


Quote:

Originally Posted by Raimu
What do you guys think? :icon_frown:


You portray this "friend" in such a negative way while you are this "helpful" guy, a victim of her betrayal. Yet she has been this way all her life. Something doesn't add up. Did you not see this coming??? How is it possible you couldn't see that coming?

Lorelyen 05-11-2017 10:59 PM

So what if it seems selfish - there are times we have to do this.
You'd be far worse off if you allow something like this to drain you emotionally.
You can't give all the time and get nothing but negativity in return.

Basically, someone who lies to you at all isn't a friend. She's using you to reinforce her style.

Yup, weed her out.
:smile:

Nambmeks 06-11-2017 05:56 AM

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