Saving yourself
 

I'm not sure what to say. I've been through way too much for being only 27. I've been through a lot a lot... And I'm very tired.

Sometimes I wish my own life away. Usually I just want to go home. Now I don't even believe in a "home" anymore like I wanted it for so long, yet it never came. When do I get relief from suffering?

Try Apathy.Most judge and condemn it, worked for me....the only thing that really did, when all illusions/delusions stopped being effective.

:smile: I wouldn't call it "apathy," I would call it "a healthy and balanced and commonsense emotional perspective." One learns to identify and care about the handful of things that truly matter. And then rejects all the rest, all the white noise. Regarding your observation about the delusion then falling away... spot on.

Home lies within. Home is that centre of peace and stillness which is the heart of our Being. Coming home is the end of suffering. And it is the suffering that makes us want to go home to end the suffering.

I usually avoid anything to do with Christianity, but the parable of the prodigal son seems appropriate. We are all like prodigal children who have left home and are trying to have a good time. Then one day we wake up and realise that the world will never give us satisfaction, and everything we are looking for is waiting for us at home. So we make the return journey where fatted calves await us(?).

So perhaps the time has come for you to really go within.

(For those interested in numbers and cycles, the fact that you are 27 may be of significance. Some suggest that we live in 28 year cycles, and these cycles of development are physical, emotional, mental and spiritual (7 years each). So at the age of 27 you are reaching the end of one 28 year cycle, and you will soon begin a new cycle on a higher turn of the spiral. It could be interesting).

Peace.

I feel Ya alcyone ,,its full on at times mate ,,id love to be who i was once was ,seems nothing is good enough even if i explore that ,,i always seem to over love myself and crash ,, love in its softest form seems to be the way but that at times makes me feel weak and insipid ,,finding that balance between fem and masc isnt easy! but i guess we gotta keep going ,,trying ya know ,,much love and power to you!:hug3:

I am sorry that you are suffering. I've struggled myself this life and it can be exhausting but one important thing I have learned is that life isn't personal. Things happen to us that can be difficult to deal with but it happens to us not because of us. As hard as it is to believe the challenges you are facing will make you stronger in the end and even if it doesn't feel like it you are strong enough to save yourself. I think it is no accident you titled your thread Saving Yourself while within the thread you speak of defeat. Ask your guides to send you some guidance and inspiration. We all need a little inspiration to help us keep going. Mine came as song lyrics that just popped up in my head. And our guides want to help us progress as opposed to see us suffer. They may not always give us exactly what we want but I have found if I ask to be shown what I need to know I often get some sort of information come to me that helps me see things a little bit better. So despite the defeat just keep walking and keep searching within yourself for what it will take to heal your pain. My best to you that better days are ahead. :hug2:

Thank you my friend, your words are spot on too :) Indeed, balance leads to inner harmony, and freedom from the "white noise" leads to peace of mind and soul. And the breaking of chains leads to true freedom :)

Thank you guys for the thoughtful responses. I am so grateful for the people here on this forum. You each have something special and unique to contribute, and give it freely. <3

Im doing a bit better. I'm just a bit confused. Why my family wanted me gone and had no remorse. Why the most meaningful relationships never, ever work out for me. And why I decided to believe in a God that was never there to begin with. It is up to me to find myself, save myself from drowning in all the confusion and to wake up again another day and try to get it right. I hope this saturn return for me helps me to live in a better way, and not to worry about all these things I still don't understand.

Thank you for being there. :smile:

Abandonment is one of the hardest things to overcome. But I will reiterate that they did it to you not because you deserved it. You did not deserve to be discarded if that is what you are feeling. They have issues themselves because they did it. It isn't because you are not worthy of love. You are worthy of all the love in the world. It's their loss really. And you will save yourself. Hugs.

Find a little thing deep inside your self to feel hope about and hold on to it closely in your heart of hearts - never letting its flame extinguish, in time that light of hope will grow and grow and grow.
Just one little piece of Hope.