Connecting again with God/Jesus.... Help me please. Show me.
 

I am pretty sure this is no coincidence... but throughout my life, the moments/weeks~months of when I was praying every night before bed and usually talk with God/Jesus.... it's like when my financial life and goals were booming doing great, life seemed without problems, I was going through life like a swan through a lake, flowing happy. And the moments/weeks~months when I was becoming distant from God/Jesus.. it's like the opposite/vice versa of what I said above.. problems appearing, confusion, depressed-mood, bad financial times etc.......

I am making this thread in regards to my observation of a pattern involved in ~last 15-18 years... considering I am 29.

I am also very aware of the 'stigma' of how come when people are in need/down in their life, they ask God for help and mercy.... and when things are going great in people's life, health, financials and harmony in family etc... people somehow forget about God. It is almost like people imprint in their mind that God must be approached only to help us. Maybe we should pray to be thankful and pray to help us maintain what we already have... although we always want more and more...

And now with this in mind... it feels so hard to pray/speak with God/Jesus again... I try and do it some nights, but I just do not feel the same connection as it was 'back in the good days'... when I was praying/talking while my life was also doing really well and not clustered with problems. The reason why I can't feel the connection is that deep down n my heart I feel like I betrayed God/Jesus in a way that many times I asked him for his help...and I came one day to realize, while praying.. that every single thing I ever asked Jesus... he gave me. I came to tears when realized that... in a mix of emotions. I managed to fix so many problems/things in miraculous way, that now, looking back, makes me inflate my own ego of how come managed to always dodge the 'bullet'... but I do know it was help from the Big Guy.

I had ups and downs..and on past downs was always asking God, give me this chance.... which eventually lead to give me 'one' more chance... and He did. And I came back up a bit, and somehow I still stopped praying..talking with Him... and slow going down again. Remember, I am also speaking based on personal patterns. And now even after the last time.. am seriously ashamed of myself to return to Him. I do try... I do pray to Him, mostly asking for forgiveness for what I have done... but it is like if I can't believe myself, how can God then? And I do not believe myself as much because of the obvious feeling.... as an analogy.....it's like when you ask your best friend for a sum of money.. you act like you forget to pay it back. Then you ask a second time, and you tell him you will, you delay and don't pay. Then you implore for a 3rd time.. and you %@&^ it up then as well... now.. how would you feel about going for a 4th time to your friend? It's the self shame, the insecurity that you might also %@&^ it up again... it's the shame derived for putting your friend to this as well... But honestly, this is a poor analogy... to get back to the topic, this is not a problem of one emotion such as shame, but rather a mixture of them.... including feeling like a betrayal.. guilt..shame...

I remember one night, long ago... could have been 2 or 3 AM.. I was praying with my face close to the window outside.... was asking God/Jesus for help again and talking with him about this and that... I guess repenting as well... and as my tears were going down my cheeks.. I see outside, 2 white pigeons flying.. at that hour?? and white pigeons? immediately in my mind this felt deeply like a Sign... and a symbol of hope. And my life general~ went up with the immediate problem getting fixed as well.

Also one of the moments when I was at the heights in terms of financial gains, it was like Jesus was one of my best friends who I was sharing to my daily stories, talking very excitedly randomly throughout the day about this and that being thankful for etc etc... That also happened after when I was broke and used the last of my money to buy an icon of Jesus and Baby Jesus with Mother... while having no expectations when doing so... pure act.

Last year I even dream of Jesus, I spoke about it in this thread, but please don't get distracted to jump on that other thread if you can and have something to say, reply here. Thank you in advance. I need to regain the belief that I can form that relationship I once had, again...

What you are describing, is the reality of sin, the fleshly bodily sin. That he came to deliver us from. That's why Paul said, the bad I don't want, I do, but the good I want, I don't do. See how jesus forgave the disciples for falling asleep. See how he have forgiven everyone over and over. The difference is, in turning away from God and not. It's in the intent. I think many might be struggling like this. And the fact he's always there helping shows he doesn't abandon you, despite off, he knows your intentions. So when he knows your intentions you can rest assured that he is just waiting patiently for you to connect.

This is the love of God, the higher, that is going out of what our minds can understand. He will never judge you. (neither do I, you are so brave for mentioning this as well as me and others have struggled)

' What you are describing, is the reality of sin..... Then ' He will never judge you. (neither do I '


Isn't the use of the word ' Sin ' judgement ?

Your relationship seems to be based on worldly ups and downs, try and form a relationship on love.

No as Jesus said he doesn't judge. He forgave, as he still does.

He even said, he want forgiveness, not judgment.

Using the word ' Sin ' is a judgement :smile:

Not in a Christian context, which is what this forum is about.
Besides, any Christian knows sin means to miss the mark, to error.

Thank you for replying. Based on what you said, I ended up on this site, http://biblehub.com/romans/7-19.htm where it is being displayed variations of verses from many types of Bibles... pretty much a matter of semantycs, the message being the same and there is an explanaton as well~ Thank you. Made me realize some things... that for me to break this loop I need to purify my mind/thoughts/body... this process wll take some time but I think I know what I should...


This made me think... of stop asking for too much and just communicate, connect. Seems like this was the essence/key of what was happening when I was closer. It's not just life seemed better because it also was, but there was already more or less of such a relationship of love. I will not give up. Never will.


I don't think it is really that important to get lost in this question... Use of the word sin can merely be to point something out. One can tell me I have sinned while not judging me at all deep down. It's the emotional charge/intention that you associate to words that matters....

If Marie would've said to me "you are a sinner and you need to repent if you want to be saved", then I would call that judgement more than advice... and that's the kind of phrase and aggressive attitude I see stereotypes in most North American Christians... aka "You Need Jesus" while yelling... Although I am not from there, the glimpse of judging even other religious people, does spark every now and then... when you go to Church and old people (ladies) are chitchatting non stop that you can barely hear the priest.. makes me angry somewhat.

But if age and life experience (as much or little as I have) thought me on thing, is that to never judge someone even when it seemes so logic to judge. No matter who you judge, you will never have the full spectrum of his/her reasons to act n a certain way or behave like that. You do not know the years of e.g. emotional pain and stress that may have accumulated in one's person life, which lead to acting in certain ways. Sure, you can see that that person could do this or that instead, but he/she cannot see it.

You can't judge someone because there are so many criteria involved. To go to an extreme, even if a very depressed person would suicide and leave a long note explaining his/her reasons, you will still not understand the full spectrum.

There are things in life that happens to you, and you in order to cope and move on, you tend to forget/suppress some, but there are always marks and subtle changes... they all do contribute to who you are. I am sure in my life/yours there are people who would wonder why you/I don't do x or y or haven't done z and such... but if they would only understand the full spectrum and perspective... if they would know exactly the many contradicting choices, happenings, truths and lies etc., happened to you... they would understand.. but they couldn't fully even if you would tell them, you can't grasp the entire 'story' in words to them. The irony, is that they(other people) could understand not to judge, if they look in the mirror... within themselves. I do not know to need exactly your reasons for sinning because me wanting to know your reasons for sinning, means that I am trying to judge you and come to a conclusion (or be curious at the very least). But when I know how come other people can easy judge me when they do not even know 10% of the entire 'story' of me... how can I judge others when don't even know 10% of the entire 'story' of them? I hope you see my point.