I dont think he is my twin...
 

Ok so since the moment i met him i truly believed he was 'The One' After our separation i stumbled across this forum and the concept of twins so i guess i applied that theory to how i was feeling.

The reason for my u-turn?

Im insanely jealous and competitive and no matter how much 'work' i do i cant erase these feelings! And these are clearly not real twin flame emotions, are they?!

I want to top everything he does, i feel like im living in the shadow of his life in a way. Everything i do seems to be subconciously done to compete with him. Does anyone else feel like this? I want to drop this 'twin flame' label, sort this out once and for all and only then will these whole sorry saga be over.

Is this normal, i know these are my issues and only mine to sort but i wondered if anyone else could relate?:confused:

At one point I was also very competitive in an extremely jealous way. It just felt like his life was this perfect existence where things magically fell into place for him without much effort while I had to fight and struggle for every little progress I made.

Not to mention that (according to him) he has tons of women wanting to date him and marry him while I spent years not even being able to look at another’s guy because it felt like cheating. And now that I am looking, they all vanished. Yes, it irked me to no end that his life appears to be this fairy tale where he picks and chooses from dozens of women who will do whatever to “get” him. He makes fun of them, though, calling them “hormonal.” Yeah, he’s not a great guy the way he says he is. He describes himself as the perfect guy and says that’s why all the women follow him around.

Meanwhile, I was left here to grapple with all that this connection entails. It was very difficult to many years and I wasn’t able to be happy for him because of how he was, the way he talked about himself, the way he treated women.

I didn’t necessarily want to top him although I even told him that intellectually I was superior. Not sure why I’d say that but the fact is we are both nerdy and both interested in science.

My twin (on the surface) appeared to be able to get all his little heart's desires. But he had constant turmoil inside his mind. He was never able to relax or have any measure of peace. Always chasing after a promotion, titles, more money, social status, approval from his family.

Now I see that I wasted a lot of time chasing after someone who was completely lost and confused. And I tried to compete with a man who doesn’t even know who he is. Sad state of affairs for both of us.

Mistakes are made in this journey and that’s unavoidable. But we need to make sure that we at least leave with something productive and meaningful that can be applied to our own lives. I learned that I don’t need to compete with anyone or chase anyone. Those meant to be with me are with me right now.

Whatever you do - do it for you.

I used to worry that all our shared interests (mine and mirror soul)and passions were too similar and that meant that they somehow did not belong to me... so I pushed my genuine gifts down and away in fear that my souls expression was never going to compare.

Now whatever I do I ask myself 'is this MY truth '... and then I feel the answer in my core. My gifts are still quite similar in many ways... but I am no longer pushing them away or rejecting them in any way.

So whatever I do now for me... is my truth - my gifts are both needed to be expressed by me and I need to express them FOR ME as the are crucial as healing tools for my own soul.
I notice that our gifts are healing not only for others but also... they have a deep ressonance for our souls own healing as well.

What is more is that in order for me to authentically honour my gifts and myself... I must express them in MY way - there can be no competition because it is my unique soul which is expressing itself.

So your fears may be expressed as competiveness and jealousy... rejection of your unique soul expression - by trying to prove yourself... when maybe there might be something your hiding from
Jealousy is usually a signal that there is something, a quality within you which seeks to emerge and be developed and brought out - but your quality/ gifts may express in ways which are uniquely yours...so it cannot be compared to your soul connection.

Where as mine was complete rejection by suppression of my souls gifts and expression... but again... the thing which I was seeking in myself expresses itself in a way which is unique to my soul... so there is no reason to fear - as those gifts were always mine by birth right.


Follow your own inner voice.

Its just hard as im really trying to live my truth. Maybe because we are the same age and at the same points in life-raising young familes, buying homes etc thats where the competitive side comes in! He moved house and had a baby. We sold our house and had a baby etc etc I just feel like we do everything after they do?! Drives me insane

No matter what connection you could ever have to someone, you will always be you at the center of it all. So if you have stuff to work on within yourself, you will still have stuff to work on. It's just that connections can magnify them 10X fold. We have a tendency to learn more when we are shocked into learning it. It's that pain that really motivates us to seek out other solutions to our life. If this connection wasn't anything to you, would you have cared to want to do it differently? Would you have even noticed it to begin with?

Jealousy is a terrible emotion to have to deal with no matter who it revolves around. Perhaps looking more at your own life, and seeing the beauty you have in it, and stop trying to compare it externally will help you find some peace to it. It can be rough seeing everyone else have everything you want. I've struggled with that in the past. Wondering how they can do this and that, while I seem to flounder at times. But there path is their path, and my path is my path. None are better than the other. Just different and right for each person walking them.

I have recently started to wonder if things appear to be going 'better' for him because he is living his life truthfully. I know that i swallow and hide alot of my true emotions and feelings and i do one thing but feel another. Perhaps this is the problem. Either that or he is lucky to be born in the male body and able to earn more money, not have to put his career on hold to raise children and generally live his life more freely.

Who knows.

I just hate being jealous, i hate comparing and i dont want to feel this way.

Sounds like you have some resentment and bitterness to work through. I would imagine then, that you have some kids, and there is healing towards that as well. Sounds like you had to put your life on hold, and sacrifice a lot to be a parent, and that the other person did not do the same. :hug2:

Im definitely coming back as a man next time thats for sure!