This past summer...
 

Someone who I thought was a friend flipped on me and tried to kill me. I didn't do anything to deserve what I went through, but now I'm scarred for life. At times I catch myself day dreaming about that night unintentionally wishing I could delete it from my memory. Some days I'm ok, and most days I feel broken. I wonder what the message was behind that situation.

When he came at me with that knife and beat my butt and tried to stab me and told me "I have to kill you" I didn't run away for me. I ran, because I know that one day I'm going to have kids and if I'm not here they'll never be here. (If that makes any sense)

Did you ever tell anyone, the police about this? If you did, was it resolved? If not, that might be the first step. Only thing is, if there isn't enough evidence to please the police into an investigation, they're reluctant to do it... :/

Generally speaking, letting go of past events is rather difficult especially for most of us on this forum. I could also suggest trying to introduce new things into your life, to hopefully "push out" those painful old memories by putting happy new ones in its place :D

It was a traumatic experience that made you fear for your life ...
Your brain went into survival mode that is why you ran ...
You are still in survival mode, unfortunately, there is no simple solution for abating it or coming out of it ...
When in survival mode the brain will provide a heartfelt reason to take immediate action to save one's life to continue on to serve (for lack of a better word) the purpose of becoming a mother/bringing souls to earth ...
Some people imagine the faces of loved ones or whatever a person holds dearly that will make her/him react quickly ...
Life is an existence, there are no icons or representations for it that the mind can instantaneously identify or depict for survival ...

Replaying the traumatic incident over an extended period of time is PTSD ...
The brain is not able to make sense of the incident leading it to replay it w/no end, understanding or solution ...
Look into EMDR w/a therapist for your mind ...
I found EMDR far more helpful than talk therapy b/c it kept me stuck in the cycle ...
For your body, try massage to relieve fear, stress & anxiety quickly - slow modalities such as yoga & meditation take time to get results, but are helpful after massage in maintaining relaxation ...
Modalities are beneficial, far more than people give them credit for ...
Not only is the brain in need of answers & relief in its continuous search for them, the body equally needs to be relieved from the stress of survival mode ...
IMO, both were necessary in restoring my life back to normal ...
You're right, you did nothing to provoke a life threatening attack ...
Sometimes, we're in the wrong place at the wrong time ...
Your saving grace was your survival instincts that gave you the insight & strength to run for your life ...
Blessings ... :hug3:

You informed anyone?

Yes I did you guys, but he ran. He has a warrant though

Get some mental health counseling else you may suffer from ptsd the rest of your life,
or be scarred as you have stated. You need to have a professional process this with you;
the police can maybe guide you to a victims assistance program or you can seek out a
therapist on your own. The trauma which you experienced may effect future friendships
and love relationships with men, and you want to be emotionally healthy for any kids you
may have. The longer you wait to get emotional help the more ingrained in you this
experience may become and harder it may be to eradicate.

If he is ever caught you will need to be as healthy as possible ...
Whether you file a civil lawsuit against him &/or the state files criminal charges ...
One or both cases might require you to testify against him ...
It can be very difficult to testify as well as face your attacker in court ...
If the court files criminal charges you could be assigned, depending on your state, a Victim's Advocate who should be able to find a mental health professional to help you prepare for court proceedings & provide additional support ...
If you want to stay informed, you can go on-line to look up your state's statute of limitations for the amount of time allowed to prosecute your attacker ...
You can also call the detective(s) handling your case for an update ...
If you do not have his/her name & phone #, you can call the police station for the information ...
Be sure to have the police report available to provide the officer w/required information ...
Blessings ...

Really.... Gave some good advice I went through a traumatic situation 8 years ago and it keeps coming up indirectly in my dreams..... :( Can't afford EMDR therapy but all the other things they suggested are good.

Wishing you well and a happier future.

Leyla,

Have you tried acupuncture?
I had starting to have good results w/it, but it was slow going unlike EMDR ...
Thanks!
Blessings ...

In the 4+ months it's been since the summer, the authorities haven't located him yet?