Greybeard |
14-06-2012 03:53 PM |
Normal matter is the stuff you and I get all over our face when someone throws a coconut cream pie at us. We can taste it, see it, feel it, weigh it, throw it around. Normal matter has substance; it occupies space. It matters because it gets in our way. Scientists are divided into two schools of thought about normal matter. The first group follows in the footsteps of Issac Newton and considers matter to be a serious matter. The other school follows Groucho Marx (not to be confused with the prophet of historical determinism, his cousin Karl) who maintain that matter is a laughing matter. The disciples of Sigmund Freud are mostly concerned with gray matter. My uncle Josh belonged to the Apathetic School, and claimed it doesn't matter.
Black holes are both the generators and repositories of dark matter. That is why when you pour a bucketful of light into a black hole you can't ever get it out again. The light becomes dark matter, and everyone knows that light and dark are antipathetic. Like the proverbial cake, you can't have your dark and have light too.
The scientific truth of the matter is that energy and matter are just two forms of one and the same thing. The thing that determines which form dominates is the speed of light. When energy comes to a school zone and has to slow down it turns into matter. If the crossing guard steps into the street holding her stop-sign on high, the normal matter that we all know and love becomes dark matter. Lord Kelvin knew this when he invented the thermometer. Dark matter is energy overcome by entropy.
Scientists make up exotic terms so they can keep their jobs. No one ever heard of gravity until Newton came along and wanted a chair at Oxford. Everyone knew that when an apple falls out of a tree it falls down; who ever saw an apple fall up. So Newton said that apples are ruled by gravity, and because no one understood what gravity was (and still don't) they thought he was brilliant and gave him the chair so he could train unemployed Cockneys to get a good job talking about gravity. Then along came Einstein who said that gravity wasn't a force, but was really sort of a dimple in space. No one understood what he was talking about so they thought he was brilliant and gave him a chair too, but not at Oxford. All the chairs at Oxford were full of fat behinds, so they gave him a chair at Princeton.
Now the scientists come along and invent dark matter so they can get funding for a research project. No one has ever seen it. No one has ever poured it out of a bottle and into a glass. And the whole idea of dark matter rests on gravity. Apples were simple; they fell down. If dark matter really exists, then the answer is simple. The whole universe is falling down. We are doomed. Besides, who needs gravity when we have apples? You can eat apples; I never heard of anyone baking a gravity pie.
I hope this throws some light on the matter of dark matter.
When you become an old man with nothing important to do of a Thursday morning, this is what happens to you.
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