Invisible restraints in life
 

For years now i am stuck in a state of depression. But i learned to see it as something good, i have learned a lot in this time and have grown spiritualy. The other thing is, this whole state is like an invisible prison. It forces me to not take care about my body anymore. When i was younger i allways wanted to look my best. I did workout, styled my hair, had fun putting together nice outfits...
Now i just don't care about it because i don't want to attract other people and think looks are just a shallow thing.

Now something happened. I had a crush on someone who was all about the looks (i know it's shallow but i was so drawn to him). Suddenly my whole outlook changed. I wanted to get fit as soon as possible and do a complete make over. I actually felt something like fun and my teenager excitement was all there again. I felt ALIVE again!

So i started working on myself, even though the crush was allready over. But i was motivated enough to become this old me again. After one week i saw first results. That's when my depression started to kick back in... harder than ever before... I felt the emptiness inside, could'nt get my *** back up to do anything, started to eat junk food again... now i'm here back at square one.

It's been this way many times before. What invisible force is it that doesn't want me to enjoy life? I feel so seperated from everyone else. My skin has allways been really bad, i have Trich (pulling hair out) which won't let me wear trendy hair cuts, plus other things that are not good to look at. So i would allways remain "invisible".

I would be cool with it if it was a spiritual lesson. Like looks are shallow, what matters is the inner values. But i allready know all that. I am the last one to put looks over character. It's just my hobby to look as best as possible, style myself. So why do i allways get this restraint when trying to break out of this low energy lifestyle i am in right now??? I don't get it...

I don't have any answers, but I understand how you feel.

I found that I've lived these sorts of lives before... and the results of living that way were horrible but at the same time I was enamoured of it somehow. So I want to try again because I'm enamoured but deep inside I know that if I do that the results will be horrible and it is kinda like being balanced on a precipice trying to fall in but at the same time being held back.

Go Live your Life already and forget all this baloney. Get some experience under your belt first and then, if you've still a mind to, come back to it.

If being fit makes you feel alive then by all means get yourself fit again, but stop worrying about the 'shallow' people because you're not one of 'them'. Yes people will be attracted to you because you're fit, that's simple human nature but if you want the 'Spiritual lesson' then you'll soon be able to discern who is only concerned with your looks and who can find something behind your make-up.

What you also should consider is that we are all here for each other but in different ways. You know how that 'unfit' person feels so would you want anyone to go through that, especially if you could make a difference in their Lives? Often for an 'unfit' person, having someone fit befriend them for who and what they are makes a vast difference. If you're going to stick with the 'high energy' bit, wouldn't doing that for someone not make your energies go ballistic? Is that high enough on the cool-ometer?

Depression is a result of a chemical unbalance within the brain, so I'm told. When I was young (many years ago) I was prone to depression. Deep bouts of boundless depression. It could last weeks.

I remember what my Grandmother told me when I was 17 years old. She said depression is like a disease, and you have to fight it all your life. So that's just what I did. I fought it. I got busy. I joined clubs, discovered new friends, forcing myself to be a active participant in life rather than taking a back seat. It took my mind off of me. That's what depression is: focusing on YOU.

Distract yourself by doing for others. And keep doing that. Eventually the chemical imbalance will correct itself, at least it did for me. And I no longer have these terrible dark bouts of depression.

When you become depressed, don't just pull the covers over your head and surrender, fight it with everything you've got. You don't have to be a victim to depression. You have a choice.

What invisible force doesn't want you to enjoy life? YOU! Because old patterns are more comfortable than the new, the scary, with unknown consequence.

Start a journal. A I'm Going to Get Better journal. Write everything you do focusing on making yourself better (eating better, working out). And on what you are doing for others rather than focusing on yourself. Learn to be your own best advocate. No one is going to pat you on the back with an "Atta girl". So in your journal YOU do it for yourself. Become your own best friend. This person inside of you itching to get out.

I've given this advice before and never get response back because, I believe, it means they have to DO something rather than just take a pill or see a therapist. Because all of this takes discipline and a strong will to keep going even when you don't feel like it.

And I do understand if you are not at a point where you can take this advice. Timing is also everything.

Depression is a result of a chemical unbalance within the brain, so I'm told. When I was young (many years ago) I was prone to depression. Deep bouts of boundless depression. It could last weeks.

I remember what my Grandmother told me when I was 17 years old. She said depression is like a disease, and you have to fight it all your life. So that's just what I did. I fought it. I got busy. I joined clubs, discovered new friends, forcing myself to be a active participant in life rather than taking a back seat. It took my mind off of me. That's what depression is: focusing on YOU.

Distract yourself by doing for others. And keep doing that. Eventually the chemical imbalance will correct itself, at least it did for me. And I no longer have these terrible dark bouts of depression.

When you become depressed, don't just pull the covers over you head and surrender, fight it with everything you've got. You don't have to be a victim to depression. You have a choice.

What invisible force doens't want you to enjoy life? YOU! Because old patterns are more comfortable than the new, the scary, with unknown consequence.

Start a journal. A I'm Going to Get Better journal. Write everything you do focusing on making yourself better (eating better, working out). And on what you are doing for others rather than focusing on yourself. Learn to be your own best advocate. No one is going to pat you on the back with an "Atta girl". So in your journal YOU do it for yourself. Become your own best friend. This person inside of you itching to get out.

I've given this advice before and never get response back because, I believe, it means they have to DO something rather than just take a pill or see a therapist. Because all of this takes discipline and a strong will to keep going even when you don't feel like it.

And I do understand if you are not at a point where you can take this advice. Timing is also everything.

It is ok, to look nice. I also am prone to this, but can't find right energy for it.
It is easier with company, who can hold appropriate vibe to do things, move, work out. When im on my own, it is harder.

So maybe join some health club or gym, make new connections, of who will help you be that way until you find your own energy to hold it.

But that is just about exercising. About your depression i do not know much, becouse don't know, what is the source of it. Is it present in your family, environment you are living in or is it something else. Is it really depression that is bothering you or is it something else and you don't find right words to describe it? So, wish you well.

I actually find that the more I develop spirituality, the more I take pleasure and joy in my appearance. It's not superficial to want to look nice. It's an act of self care, and even self love.

The difference is wanting to look nice to impress others because you feel that you're not "enough" unless you look a cerain way.

Dear linen53,

I love your post and your excellent advice. I think many people become more depressed than they would otherwise (if they had a better understanding of what is going on) because they don't know how to deal with it or that there is anything they can do to help themselves. This is a shame. I think when we are depressed we do exactly what makes us depressed. We concentrate on our misery and think all these negative things about ourselves that tarnish our consciousness even more. Often, finding a way to help someone else is, at least in part, a way to save yourself.

The prospect of new romance inspires almost everyone to make something "better" of themselves according to cultural convention - to smarten up, to keep fit, see the sunlight even when it isn't there - to look and feel good.

One has to progress from there, though. Apply self-control toward sustaining the new behaviour and don't revert. It may not happen over night but it can be done if someone has the will.

Just my views.

♥