Confusing reading
 

Hey all!
Took a little break from tarot, recently trying to get back into it, but struggling. I can't seem to get properly grounded or formulate clear questions while reading. I keep trying to understand my relationship with my ex, what I want with him, but I struggle to make sense of my feelings and tarot hasn't been helping (I'm at this point doubting the accuracy of the cards since I've been doing repeated readings as a result of struggling to truly connect with cards... I have to say I have ADD and my thoughts constantly wander as I try to ground myself, and they're all over the place as I try to formulate a question).

But anyway, I still struggle to understand this last reading even if I felt more grounded than most previous times. I'd appreciate some insight into this reading, and/or tips that would help me get more accurate and trusting readings :hug3:

Just did a short one:
"If I were to get back in a romantic relationship with M.R. at this point in time...
1- what would be our biggest challenge
Ace of Wands
2- in what way would it be good? (Or what need of mine would be fulfilled this time?)
9 of swords (??) Clarified by page of cups
3- general advice with regards to a potential relationship with M.R.
4 of cups clarified by 2 of pentacles
4- what would the relationship between like, overall?
Justice

I'm lost lol. He wants to get back with me. We were together 3 years. Things never really worked. We last broke up in July (after giving him a few more shots but he broke my trust again). We started hanging again and enjoy each other's company. Part of me would like for things to work out between us, the other part of me just doesn't see things being any different this time around. I know I'll get crushed if he starts dating someone, and same for him if I move on to someone else. We can't seem to be able to truly let go of each other either. I'm 34, he's 29 and has a son with whom I really got along (and still get to see on occasion).

Sorry for rambling on! Thanks in advance :hug:

Btw here's a shot at the first interpretation that came to mind:
A new beginning with him would be hard and dating him again would come in the way of meeting the right person for me. As much getting back with him would ease my mind (I miss him when not talking), I really need to carefully consider my options here.

On the other hand, I could also see it meaning that I would be struggling to start fresh with him, because I'm still focusing on all that was and still could be wrong. But that my worries are actually more in my head as there may be real potential this time... he did learn some things and may make things right if I just calm down some and take what's right there in front of me (him).

I still don't see how things would be any different though. I don't know if I'm being too negative or hard on him. He really messed up on some serious stuff other than that though (repeatedly, which led me to last break up with him in July)

Hi kindheart.
I think your first thoughts (highlighted in bold) are the more genuine interpretation.
Don't forget, tarot offers us a way to access those thoughts/beliefs that lie under the surface of our conscious mind. All tarot does is allow them to surface and and to recognise these hidden truths.
If these were your first thoughts on the cards then this is probably your true feeling that lid under the conscious desire to make things work.
I hope that helps.