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CJ82Sky 08-08-2014 03:40 PM

Can't Lose Weight, Frustrated, Upset, At Wits End
 
This has been going on for years. I can't lose weight. I lose a few pounds, gain a few, lose a few, gain a few. I've tried nearly EVERYTHING (and have had multiple threads on here over the years).

I do know my thyroid is an issue, and have been taking bladderwrack, l-tyrosine, and parathyroid regularly and notice a huge difference in energy levels if I forget to take it. If I forget, no matter what I eat, I am incredibly drowsy after eating even a salad. When I take it, I have normal energy, don't need to sleep for 10+h and am fine on 6-8h of sleep like a normal person, and can be active throughout the day without dragging. But it's done nothing towards me losing weight.

It's now been going on 3 years since I cut out fatty/fried foods regularly (I used to eat wings and drink beers at least 2-3x a week and eat out all the time). I try to eat fresh food, not processed and cut down dramatically. I only eat 1/2 a portion whenever I do eat out, no matter what it is (used to eat it all). Switched to cooking with coconut oil. Added in walking several times a week, even with leg weights, and some jogging. I now can hike 4 miles 1-2x a week over very challenging terrain in about 1h10m (far faster than any of my friends) and still come back to my farm and ride horses after. No matter the workout, I'm rarely sore after - even when I travel for work and spend a full 1-2h at the gym doing anything from elliptical, treadmill, or even weights. And currently in addition to being outside and hiking a few times a week, and walking when I can, I ride my horse for 20 min of a focused workout (not counting cool down time) 4-5x a week, as well as riding client horses, and a few of my other horses including trail rides.

I recently suffered a back injury - poss fracture of lower vertebrae - so was limited on what I could do, but I kept walking daily when I couldn't ride, and am back to riding again 4-5x a week at least 1 horse per day for an intense 20 min workout. On top of hiking at least once a week, and walking a few days a week for a 4 mi hike, and walks that are 1-3mi.

And I'm still FAT. UGH I AM SO [Edited by Staff/ Swearing Rule]. Frustrated, angry, upset. I've tried the Isagenix diet, and lost next to nothing. I've tried supplements, varying workouts, hiking walking jogging running weights, wearing leg weights all day. And NOTHING WORKS. I AM SO SICK OF BEING FAT.

I weighed less when I ate wings and drank beer all the time.
Why change my diet if I am going to be fat anyway??????

I weight 20 pounds less about 4 years ago when I was commuting 1.5h each way to work 4 days a week, eating out every day for lunch, eating bagels every Friday with cream cheese, and basically sitting on my fat butt 24/7 in the car commuting, or at my desk. AND I WEIGHED LESS AND FIT INTO JEANS I CAN'T EVEN GET ON NOW!!! UGHHHHH. I don't get it at all. I just don't get it.

I've been told I have a spiritual block and that's why I won't date people either (really it's just because I feel fat and hate it and my self esteem in that regards is at an all time low). I'm not the fattest I've ever been, and I lost weight since April, but like a whopping 5 pounds....my [Edited by Staff/Searing] scale says I'm about 160 which means I'm really about 170 and 5'3". The scale isn't accurate but I use it for trending and there have been times it's said I've been 170 on there - which is way more than I am now. AND STILL my jeans don't fit.

Back to the spiritual thing - I've been told it's a spiritual block and my spirit doesn't want me to lose weight because I'm being blocked by something, something negative attached to me or some fear I am holding on to, but I've tried Rieki and energy work and nothing has helped. I've tried imagining myself slimmer and meditating. I've been doing yoga - did all winter when it was too cold to hike - and still nothing. NOTHING. Oh and I've been told I can do a soul journey that will help me unblock whatever it is that has me blocked to open me up to losing weight, but that's like $300.....at this point I'm tempted by my gut (and guides) tell me it's just a lot of money to pay for something that probably won't work.

PLEASE HELP.

This is the first time I'm putting this all out there in this much detail, so even if you can't help and just read this horribly long awful self-depreciating rant, thank you. Thank you for listening. I'm crying as I'm typing this I'm so frustrated. I hate being fat. I hate the way I look in pictures. I hate being in pictures. I hate myself in some ways more than I have in a very very long time and usually I have very high self esteem and am confident and open and loving and lately I'm just. Not. Just so down on myself. I am so sick of being single and alone and somehow in my brain I've linked myself to being unlovable because I am fat. I don't apply it to anyone else - I have friends that weigh more than me and are in happy relationships and I think they are beautiful. I just see me and think wow, I'm fat and unlovable. And it's weird because I do think I am pretty. But fat. Fat fat fat fat fat is like this ongoing theme in my brain.

Honestly more than anything I want to lose weight to be fitter and more athletic like I used to be, but how is it that I can hike 4 mi and not be sore?!?! Including jogging on the mountain!!!!!!! And ride 4-5 days a week, sometimes multiple horses a day, and still not sore. It's like I'm just so stuck, I'm stuck in my own fat.

:(

Please help. Is there something I am doing wrong? I get the sense that I DO have some sort of block bc the brain association with fat = can't date is stupid, but I just can't seem to break that connection in my own mind and I don't know why or how. Maybe there really is something blocking me somewhere. I don't know. I just don't know what to do, but I'm so close to either just not eating for several days to see if I can lose weight by simple starvation, or eating everything in sight and saying screw this. Back to bacon egg and cheese every weekday morning for breakfast, and chips and dips and wings and fried foods and burgers and dogs, and beers every day and not caring. I mean hey, I was skinny when I ate like that.......this has been an incredibly frustrating 3 years, and ironic because everything else in my life is SO good. :(

Sorry so long, thank you for just letting me get all of this off my chest.

Silver 09-08-2014 03:57 PM

Wow, cj, that was a beautiful and brave sharing you did there! I feel pretty much the same way, although after I had open-heart surgery on June 30th of this year, I lost about 10 pounds thus far. It seems like you're doing all the right things, but one thing I wondered about is if you are getting enough good bacteria in your digestive system. I had to go back in the hospital because my leg where they took the vein got infected, they had me on antibiotics via IV for 3 days, then sent me home with a big bottle of extra-strength antibiotic pills and I knew that meant death to the good bacteria as well, so I took 2 Pearls (otc probiotics) morning and night, and if it weren't for that, my system would have suffered tremendously. I'm back to taking one a day (sometimes two), and it really helps keep my digestion running properly. You can also eat stuff like sauerkraut, and other fermented veggies, some like kefir or yogurt.

I feel for ya, I really do, because I have some of the same sentiments like about dating and feeling that I'm 'ok' and acceptable...the media doesn't help much, does it, heh. That's a big thing, because whether we like it or not, we telegraph how we feel about ourselves to others and that doesn't help our cause. So...needless to say, I need to work on that one myself!

Attitude is a big part of the 'answer', and what comes to mind also just now is food journaling, which I always resisted in the past, but come to think of it, that might be a good idea for me as well...for me, the answer is one I've been working on a long time: I stopped drinking sodas eons ago (diet and regular), except for rare occasions when on the road, cutting out many forms of carbs (except for the occasional craving, which I manage by not ignoring the craving, but satisfying it after about 2-3 weeks of repeated cravings, which I can usually deal with, for example I used to crave Cheetos but now, I never (!) buy them, but yesterday I had a 2-3 week craving for potato chips and bought an upscale brand which were delicious and once I polish them off in the next 2 days, then I won't crave them for a long, long time so that's my strategy there).

In any event, I hope your dream of losing all the weight you want can come true for you, because I have the same dream.

FruitLoop 09-08-2014 07:51 PM

First off, big hugs because this must be so frustrating for you.

Thyroid is only part of the problem:
Yes, do keep eating healthily - Eating well is not *just* about weight, it's about maintaining the good, healthy function of your internal organs, nourishing the cells properly and feeling as well *as you can feel* - you will feel more sluggish and bogged down on an unhealthy diet.

Your thyroid controls your metabolism - this is not your fault and weight fluctuations are a normal part of the disease.

Stress can affect weight loss, treat yourself to reflexology, a massage or something that makes you feel good and relaxed on a regular basis. The thyroid responds poorly to stressors - it's important to keep your adrenal glands healthy and ensure they aren't overworked.

Ensure you're getting a good range of vitamins and minerals.

You are not unlovable, you are wonderful. We have fingernails but we AREN'T fingernails, we have fat but we AREN'T fat... fat does not define you. You are still you regardless of your weight. I think even if you did lose the weight you want to, your mind would undermine the achievement because it's the way you're conditioning your thoughts. Sometimes you become so focused on the goal that you miss everything else that's going off around that focus.

I'd hazard a guess that if you stopped doing everything 'to lose weight' and focused on the whole picture of what it means to be fit and healthy you'd become happier and more relaxed and probably lose some of that weight naturally - it's not easy, but try to be less hard on yourself :)

Baile 11-08-2014 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJ82Sky
UGH I AM SO ****ED. Frustrated, angry, upset. I've tried the Isagenix diet, and lost next to nothing. I've tried supplements, varying workouts, hiking walking jogging running weights, wearing leg weights all day. And NOTHING WORKS.

Heh, boy can I relate to that frustration.

Okay... there really are only two ways to respond: sympathy or experiential advice. I'm going to go with option #2 because I lost 95 lbs a few years back, got down to the low end of my recommended weight, and have been able to keep it off since. Way better than a sympathy reply because maybe what I say can help you too!

First, it took a year to lose the weight. You have to be ready for the long haul in other words. I did a couple of psychological things to help me stay on track:

1. I kept a weight journal, and I checked and wrote down my weight every morning upon waking (the time one is the lightest that day). I'd also jot down the spontaneous blurts that would pop out of my mouth when I saw I'd lost a pound or two: "OH yeah!"; "Yippee!"; "YES!!"

2. I bought pants and shirts that were too small, and then tried them on every 2-3 weeks to see if and how they fit. I literally shrunk into my new wardrobe as I lost weight. I was a 38 waist when I started. I went out and bought 36 pants. When I was finally able to comfortably wear the 36 pants, I went out and bought 34 pants. Etc. All the way down to 28... the size I was wearing when I left high school. That was an exciting day, the day I was able to fit into those 28s, let me tell you!

Now I could spend time talking about my diet, and I'm willing to do that. But only if you want to follow somebody else's (yet another) diet. I created it myself; it's strict and it's specific, the easiest part being you need to drink a ton of water each day - 20-30 glasses. And yes, that means you will be getting up 2-3 times in the middle of the night to pee!

EDIT: I added a recently-taken selfie to my profile just to show you my skinny self (so thin and so happy!).

Baile 11-08-2014 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FruitLoop
I think even if you did lose the weight you want to, your mind would undermine the achievement because it's the way you're conditioning your thoughts. Sometimes you become so focused on the goal that you miss everything else that's going off around that focus.

I don't wish to argue, but that definitely was not my experience. My experience has been the opposite. I was fat. I hated myself and I hated my fat. Losing weight and becoming the thin person I longed to be, changed my life. I now love having my picture taken. I now love going out and being in public. I now love showing the world ME. I have not missed what is going on around me; on the contrary I was missing it before when I was fat, because I was too embarrassed to look at life let alone show my face. And now I am seeing the world and engaging it. I love life now. I hated it before.

Silver 11-08-2014 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baile
Heh, boy can I relate to that frustration.

Okay... there really are only two ways to respond: sympathy or experiential advice. I'm going to go with option #2 because I lost 95 lbs a few years back, got down to the low end of my recommended weight, and have been able to keep it off since. Way better than a sympathy reply because maybe what I say can help you too!

First, it took a year to lose the weight. You have to be ready for the long haul in other words. I did a couple of psychological things to help me stay on track:

1. I kept a weight journal, and I checked and wrote down my weight every morning upon waking (the time one is the lightest that day). I'd also jot down the spontaneous blurts that would pop out of my mouth when I saw I'd lost a pound or two: "OH yeah!"; "Yippee!"; "YES!!"

2. I bought pants and shirts that were too small, and then tried them on every 2-3 weeks to see if and how they fit. I literally shrunk into my new wardrobe as I lost weight. I was a 38 waist when I started. I went out and bought 36 pants. When I was finally able to comfortably wear the 36 pants, I went out and bought 34 pants. Etc. All the way down to 28... the size I was wearing when I left high school. That was an exciting day, the day I was able to fit into those 28s, let me tell you!

Now I could spend time talking about my diet, and I'm willing to do that. But only if you want to follow somebody else's (yet another) diet. I created it myself; it's strict and it's specific, the easiest part being you need to drink a ton of water each day - 20-30 glasses. And yes, that means you will be getting up 2-3 times in the middle of the night to pee!

EDIT: I added a recently-taken selfie to my profile just to show you my skinny self (so thin and so happy!).


I remember reading about your success ages ago, but have forgotten most of the details, and for starters, I agree with your response to FruitLoop, I have other reasons for being self-conscious (besides always having been that way - shy as a kid): one of them is something I never would've known about if I hadn't stumbled upon it on-line after a talk with my chiro about taking ativan - my chiro suggested I talk to my doc about switching to Xanax - but what I learned is that you can become 'addicted' even if you take it as directed, and agoraphobia is one of the many signs of withdrawals. Anyway, I thought it was important to mention here, I'll get back on track about the weight loss...

I was surprised when you said you kept a weight journal daily, BUT the last time I did lose weight, I weighed myself about once a week, was all I could take of being mindful of what I actually weighed due to the shame I felt. I'm about to go shopping and I'm going to get a battery for my scale.

I would like to know more about what you ate and your strategies, that's for sure!

Thanks. :coffee2:

Baile 11-08-2014 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silvergirl
I was surprised when you said you kept a weight journal daily, BUT the last time I did lose weight, I weighed myself about once a week, was all I could take of being mindful of what I actually weighed due to the shame I felt. I'm about to go shopping and I'm going to get a battery for my scale.

I would like to know more about what you ate and your strategies, that's for sure!

Thanks. :coffee2:

Hi Silvergirl. I remember a conversation in one thread where a few posters were against to the idea of a weigh-in chart. For me it was a positive thing. Especially during those cycles when the weight really falls off. And it does drop off in stages: 1-2 pounds a week for 3-4 weeks, then bam: 4-5 pounds the next day... "Oh my god YESSSS!!!!!" Pretty exhilarating stuff (as far as boring old fat goes).

First off, I don't have the everyday concerns a lot of people have. I don't work (retired due to illness), and my day consists of walking on the beach and kayaking. No stressful family/relationship/acquaintances/social situations to aggravate me... and stress IS a health killer, and it can derail one's dietary intentions.

I also have to add: I am a fanatic as far as my diet goes. And in no way am I suggesting that my fanatical approach is right for anyone other than me. I am fanatical because that's what works for me. When I am not fanatical about my diet, that's when I notice the pounds creeping back on, at which point I go back to fanatical.

The secret is water I would say. Water keeps one from being hungry. So it's practical. But it also cleanses and works like magic in many ways, so it's also spiritual. My rule is I drink 4 glasses of water upon awakening. Then, whatever I have to eat, I first drink 2 glasses of water. My diet is split in 8 meals over the course of the day. That's 4 + 16 glasses of water, plus any other glasses of water I drink between meals, if and when I feel hungry.

My meals are split into fruit meals and veg/grain meals. I have a fruit meal at 6 am, a veg/grain meal at 8 am, a fruit meal at 10, a veg/grain meal at 12, etc. Now I might not eat exactly at those times, and I sometimes eat both meals at one sitting. But I never exceed 4 of each meal, each day. Also, each meal = one cup, no more and no less. And this is all I put into my body: no coffee, black tea, alcohol, tobacco, rec drugs, or anything else other than the occasional cup of herbal tea with just a titch of dark organic maple syrup (so yummy, that's like my version of binging on chocolate ice cream).

This is all very important for me because it's consistency, and it's rhythm. And it's the consistency that keeps me in the rhythm of eating this way each day. It's become my reality. It's no longer some diet I'm on; this is how I eat. Is it a good diet? Is it bad? Well it works for me and I'm alive and healthy, that's all I care about, ha! (I laugh, but there's a magical secret in there about dieting and life concerns in general.)

I must add the following because it is part of my dietary reality as well (not to be confused with anyone else's reality): everything I eat is in liquid form. I eat fruit smoothies and veg/grain soups (one cup of each, each meal). The smoothies I make by blending 100% juice and a variety of frozen fruit. The soups I make by blending (puree) veg soup broth with raw veggies (broccoli, mushrooms, kale mostly) and spice and coconut oil to taste. I also blend in brown rice or other grains from time to time, but mostly stick to just veggies. I've recently started to make my own soup broth and it's not only kind of fun from a creative perspective, it saves me a ton of money.

I eat liquid because it keeps the pounds off better, plus it is absolutely amazing from a digestive perspective. I have zero digestion issues now. Compare that to several years ago when I was 95 pounds heavier and chewing my way through a bottle of antacid tablets each week. I have definitely been released from a jail of sorts in this lifetime.

clover 11-08-2014 06:25 PM

I am petite and about 5'3 myself. I weighed about 160-170 after I had my second child. I went to a gym and shedded some but I was still unhappy and unsatisfied. So I went to see my doctor and she helped me get on something. I rather not disclose what exactly it was, every medication and advice is different for every person. My problem had to do with ENERGY, and needing extra energy. My weight has been way down ever since I saw my doc.Perhaps, you can speak with a specialist or doctor and see what best options are for you.

I know as we age, our metabolism slows down. In addition, our bone mass thins so we have work a little harder when it comes to physical exercise. I would like to point out I am a runner, and no amount of running can compensate for what we put in our mouths and inside our bodies. It comes down to calorie intake. Research and know what is your calorie intake for your body. I ran up to 20 miles one event ( marathon) and I didn't shed a single pound. You can do all the exercise in the world, but in my opinion, it all comes down to calorie intake and what we put into our bodies. Even if the food your eating is healthy like fruit and veggies, make sure your not over eating and passing the recommended calorie intake. Again, talk do a doc! This is strictly my opinion based on my personal experience.

Good luck, and please dont be so hard on yourself! Stay positive and practice some positive affirmations.

CJ82Sky 11-08-2014 07:26 PM

thank you alllllll so very much. i'm near tears with relief in hearing that i'm not alone, and that you guys all listened and shared and were willing to open up as well. i'm making myself walk as much as possible, even if it's walking once a day for a mile, just something, and keeping up with riding. i'm kinda ignoring my back injury at the moment because i also feel like if i can lose some weight and keep active it will heal faster than the typical rest and do nothing solution. especially since i'm keeping it limited and focused to walking and horseback riding.

thank you all so much. i believe i can get there, but man after 3 years it's frustrating to not be there or even close in comparison. sure i'm lighter than i was in april when i had put on a lot of weight, but compared to 3 years ago i'm still pretty much the same. *sigh*

one day at a time. and please all keep sharing thank you all so much - there are tons of great ideas for me to try in here!

Lynn 11-08-2014 09:47 PM

Hello

With thyroid issues and wieght I have learned that the body settles into zones for a time. I took off 100 pounds and I stalled the rest would not come off no matter what I tried. The body hormone levels needed that time to "re code" is what the natural path told me. Its like re writing a level of one's DNA make up and the brain and body needed to align.

I have since taken off another 70 but again I have hit that plateau this time I will ride it out....not liking it but too knowing that its the body catching up again is all. We too have a "zone" weight that is there with us and its not always something we can shift its like its written into the Soul level of whom we are and how we are to project to the World. At times we have to accept that aspect of things as well.

For me I am still too large but blessed to have a large bone frame of 6 feet and massive bones to take and hide most of the rolly bits and pieces now. Its not fun but the body is what at times the body is.

I am on Thyroid meds and the Dr wants to change the levels again....I do not want that to happen so am trying to just stay the course for 6 months and see where it goes. Change of levels means more wieight for me goes on not off in the frist 3 months on them. I have a wedding dress to fit into lol so highly motivated NOT to fatten up.

Lynn


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